APRIL 2012- AN EMOTIONAL MONTH

Two birthdays-Sonya and Brody, a new baby in the family and a funeral made this April very emotional. Small celebration for my daughter on the 4th with all the hospital visits occurring. On Easter weekend to lose a close friend who was my son's-in-law's mother was such an emotional turmoil for everyone. My grandson's #4-25th- was very poignant as it was the first time Cheryl-Granma was not present- celebrating and missing someone can occur at the same time. Then for my niece to have a new baby boy-27th- before the end of the month brought renewed joy to our family system after the loss of Mom-Nana in February. A short month but a varied one. How was your April? Was it busy? Did you have some emotional times? Personally, I have never had an April so emotional in my life! How about you? Is there a particular April you remember?

APRIL- A MONTH WITH THIRTY DAYS

Thirty days hath September, April, June and November! All the rest have Thirty-one, except February which in Four has One day more!
Months with thirty days seem to fly by quickly! It never ceases to amaze me that even adults will say- April only has thirty days. It came up the other day that I cited the little rhyme learnt in about Grade Two when we were studying the names of the months. Some people use a knuckle way learnt in Europe to figure out which months are shorter- the knuckles are the thirty one and the dips are the short ones! It really is very simple- Get a Calendar! One with the overview of the whole year will straighten out the debate! It is a universal method!

A POSTCARD FROM PANAMA

I so lucky to have a cousin and his wife- Roy and Margaret- who are travelling to exotic places. In March they travelled to Panama staying at a rain forest resort.

They sent me a postcard that arrived in late April!

Roy wrote- " Hi, Barb- Thought you'd get a kick out of getting this card. We're fine & having a good time but too much free food & drink! Take Care! Roy & Margaret "

The lady in the postcard is performing Gnobe-Bugle dressmaking which is the result of the european influence on colonial times. The gown is made of very colorful fabric trimmed with geometrical figurs in contrasting colors, usually in the chest or the sleeves according to the information on the back of the card. I think I would like it there for the craft aspect. Maybe another place for my bucket list!

If you want a postcard featured here, email me at abdm@rogers.com so I can send you may address so you can send me a postcard.

THERE FOR THE GRACE OF GOD GO I !

When discussing a case with a nurse from another country, he was concerned about the unfortunate details. He expressed how can people live like that? I stated, in English we have this saying- there for the Grace of God do I! It is 1 saying that says so much. Did God give us the right parents at the right time? Perhaps, but even children from very dysfunctional families have made their way and have positive adult experiences. Did God give us the intelligence and the discipline to study and work on a good education? Perhaps! Did he just direct us in the right direction- to make choices and not use any circumstance we have lived as an excuse to waste our life? If we reflect on situations in our lives and the choices made- no to drugs, social drinking and not problem drinking, exercise, patience, learning positive ways to deal with conflict, healthy eating, and the list could go on! Were all the choices ours? Or was there some little inner voice that guided us? I question why some people that used fraud, stole money from others, and still have very dishonest business practices end up with the bigger houses, more expensive cars, travel and a life style that the average person will never have! Not all good things come to good people! History tells us the story over and over! Do we make honest choices that lead us to a good life but not necessarily a monetary successful life? Perhaps! Then the whole concept of success would be fodder for another post! Did God bless me with a life worth living? You bet!

A CANADIAN SPRING GARDEN

The enjoyment of each season varies. For me the flowers emerging  from the ground in the garden bring something new every day.

Having tulips in April is rare in my area but enjoyable......

Sometimes little characters appear that add some interest to a boring spot.

How is your garden coming along? Are you enjoying the renewel of nature's wonder at its best? Gardens are one of God's true blessings to us!

NANA SAYS BIRTHDAY CAKE IS FOR CHILDREN OF ALL AGES

The one celebration that is universal is the birthday! Everyone has one. It is a time where the individual has a special day and is honoured. At a recent reunion lunch, one of the teachers in the group was commenting how one of her students did not remember ever having a birthday cake. She makes an effort to try to celebrate her students' birthdays and felt she was becoming broke buying cakes for them.
Imagine not being able to celebrate with a simple cake! Of course, there are many places in the world where one meal a day is the norm. Children everywhere need and deserve the opportunity to celebrate and eat! For the adults-celebrating the milestone birthdays in a special way has become customary!
Birthdays need to be celebrated as a reflection of the blessing that we reached another age. Another year has occurred! For the little ones it will create family memories! Lots of photos with the child blowing out the candles is something in everyone's collection of pictures!

Cake- chocolate or vanilla, cupcake or slab style, lots of icing is always enjoyable! Of course today, I have a little grandson celebrating #4! Number four, you're a sweetheart we adore! Number 84, here's to lots more! Are you going to be celebrating someone's birthday today? Do you love the birthday cake and all the hoopla?

THE BEST BOOK ON GRIEF

I wrote in a previous post about C.S. Lewis who wrote A Grief Observed. It is one of the best books on grieving that I have read and used in my practice. Recently I bought a bunch to give to significant people in my life who unfortunately are in the midst of grief. His beautiful little book begins- " No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid." His book is his personal experience of grieving and missing his wife. It is usually quoted in all the modern texts on grief and loss. Reading a book will not resolve all your issues of grief. However, in the middle of the night when you really do not want to talk about how you feel, reading and processing another's thoughts who had the painful journey can bring solace! Knowing we are lonely but not alone in our bereavement journey as others before us have travelled the road let's us know it is okay to feel the pain in the depths of our souls! Lewis was known for The Narnia Chronicles but he was also a theologian with a deep faith. Grief makes us question many parts of our life and our place in the cosmos. He questioned and questioned. Does it let us also question? You bet. There are usually no definitive answers but the questioning and seeking answers can become the journey. Have you read this beautiful little book? It is available I am sure at your local library. I hope the people in my life will find it useful.

RECONNECTING WITH FRIENDS

A weekend of socializing has us reconnecting with current friends and high school classmates. Catching up on the news and new events in our lives always links the past with the present. Tired from the week, I almost talked myself out of leaving the house. Sometimes it is a good thing to push oneself to carry on! Still feel the emotions of the past week but feel good about being with people and not breaking those bonds. Do you force yourself to keep going? Do you have friends that bring joy to your life? Are you glad there are some social events in your life?

A SPRING WALK

Sometimes on my power walk I see beautiful images. So today I decided to take my camera along. A little annoying when the camera would swing side to side with my raised arms and weights, but I persevered and did not knock my camera!

I saw these beautiful blossoms by the Richmond Hill library.

Spring has beautiful trees and flowers. For the photographers there are so many pictures to take and so little time!

APRIL SHOWERS BRING MAY FLOWERS

With the warmer winter and early spring, this little rhyme does not hold true. The May flowers are already here along with the blossoms on the trees and the leaves. I love it since May is my favourite month for that very reason. I feel that it is a bonus this year to be able to enjoy Spring and all its glorious renewel of life earlier and longer. So April feels like May!

SAYING GOODBYE TO A FRIEND

Friends are important people in our lives. We have relatives connected by blood and had little choice who our family may be! But a friend is one of life's blessing! Someone new in our life that becomes so meaningful. Yesterday our family said goodbye to a friend. She will be missed but not forgotten! Have you lost a friend lately?

NANA SAYS PARENTING TEACHES PATIENCE

Patience often means learning to wait. When pregnant, must wait until the baby is ready to come. Wait until the baby finishes eating. Wait for the burp! Wait until the crying is over and the baby can be put down! Wait for the toddler to put on his/her own shoes! Getting children organized so you can leave on time. Letting children learn at their own pace takes patience. The teenager and the curfew-waiting until the last one is home. If you do not learn to be more patient as a parent then you do not get parenting. Parenting is about teaching and helping the children in your life to learn. Learn manners, respect for others and of course about relationships and what it means to love someone. Our ability to be patient with the little ones and even older- teenagers, young 20's we allow the children to be what they need to be. The cases I would have in family therapy cases often was just the miscommunication and trying to have the child be something the parents wanted. An example, a teenage girl was having problems at school and was skipping class. The mother was focussed on how clean the house should be. The girl did not polish the water spots on the bathroom taps. It was her house and she wanted things a certain way! Hum!  Having a discussion about patience and trying to see what the child needed. Using narrative therapy techniques- the problem is the problem, not the person! Why is the child avoiding school? Engaging the whole family in the process of change can take a lot of patience on the part of the counsellor/therapist. Patience is more than a virtue, it is a necessity in parenting. Stop expecting the preschooler to be more in control of his/her feelings than the average adult! Really listen and try to understand what is going on! Be patient! By being patient, often the real issue emerges! Do you think you are a patient person? What do you use to stay grounded and wait for the other person to be ready?

THE SONG BIRDS ARE A DELIGHT TO HEAR

Spring not only brings the flowers, the song birds that return to the area are a small joy. As a child I learnt to recognize many birds wherever our family would venture. The Robin has been busy building a new nest in our yard. There is a pair of cardinals with the male belting out songs on a daily basis. In the field nearby, the Red Winged Blackbird has been singning up a storm. Trying to recall the name of the woodpecker- white with black spots- pecking away on some trees on my walk. The sparrows, chickadees, blackbirds and others help the season to feel alive. Some morning doves can often be heard cooing! There is something very primal living at one with nature that finds its way to my life. It feels real and needed. The right trees and vegetation do attract the right birds. It does not take much in any urban area to make it happen. Thank heaven for the bylaws that say all developers must plant a tree in the front of every house once a subdivision is finished. Actually they could leave some of the woodlots that are there when they start! I feel the need to get out my bird book to have the right name for the right bird. When the little ones are here, it is always an opportunity to teach them about the various birds- a natural science lesson! I learnt from the adults in my life so it is my turn to pass the torch! The love of music does come in many directions- our little song birds give us daily pleasure! Do you have birds in your area that are your local joys? Can you recognize their songs? Do you have any favourites? Does your yard house a small variety? Do you have some returning ones like my pair of cardinals?

ORGANIZING FOR THE WORK WEEK

Mondays are always transition days from the weekend. To keep my mood positive, Sunday night is an opportunity to strategize what the week may entail- any special events, late meetings, need to shop for gifts and the normal week. Finishing little tasks help to bring some control in what may be ahead. I usually fold all the laundry done on the weekend- it is laundry catch up! This time of year is the challenge of changing the seasonal clothes but keeping some outfits in case the weather is chilly. So my side of the closet is organized- will be tackling Adolph's side within the week. Too cool for cottons but too warm for wooleys! Typical Canadian weather! Must be prepared for all! Some bills paid- Adolph can go to the bank with them. Not quite trusting of paying everything online yet but do have a lot that are preauthorized! I find this organizing helps me find the positive side of work life. By organizing my life and my thoughts, it is a real mental preparation despite whatever may be happening in my personal life. Does organizing the little things help you with your life? There are too many things I can not control but there are small tasks that keep me grounded. Do you have some tasks? I know people who have dogs, must walk the dogs so it helps with exercise and purpose. Is it a purpose or a drag? Do tasks help you find the positives in your life? I ironed a pile of Adolph's tops and when I saw it this morning there was a sense that something was accomplished- sounds silly but it gave me pleasure. Do you find pleasure in these normal activities of daily living?

A POSTCARD FROM THE YUKON CANADA

The Yukon is a very beautiful territory in Canada. Perhaps I will visit it one day. I found some postcards in my collection of blank cards so thought I would share them with you. If anyone has visited there, let me know what you think of this beautiful region.

The history of the Gold Rush is felt in the capital Whitehorse.

The Wildlife of Northern Canada is amazing. Watch out for the Polar Bear-you could be lunch!

If you want a postcard featured here, email me at abdm@rogers.com so I can send you my address and you can send me a postcard.

A POSTCARD FROM MAINE, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

It is fun to find more postcards in various places. In my parents' collection, I found a postcard from my niece and a close friend who visited Maine. Living in New Brunswick, it is right next door on the Eastern Seaboard.

" 24/07/82- Hi y'all: Here I am at Bangor Main. Having lots of fun & wish you were both here. Love Kathryn & Monique"

Although the card and intent was from Maine, it was actually posted in Moncton, New Brunswick with a Canadian stamp. 1982- High School?

If you want a postcard featured here, email me at abdm@rogers.com and I will send you my address so you can send me a postcard.

ALWAYS CHECK THE ELASTIC ON YOUR UNDERWEAR

While walking this morning, I remembered a funny incident my mother told me many years ago. We lived in Richmond Hill north of Toronto and my Uncle Norman and Auntie Lynn lived in the East End of Toronto. It was a hot summer day so it was common not to wear any hose under your dress. My Mom had pinned her underwear whose elastic was loose  before she started out on the hour and ahalf- two buses, subway then another TTC-Toronto Transit Commission-bus ride to my Uncle's. She had taken the Mortimer bus. Now if you take city transit anywhere, you know about the two steps to get in and out of a bus are quite steep and need a long stride. So when Mom was disembarking the final bus, her underwear snapped and fell to her ankles as she negotiated the second step. She quickly stepped out of them when she got to the ground, gave them a little kick and started walking! She did not look back to see if anyone on the bus had seen her. Of course, when she arrived at her destination, she could not stop laughing along with the family members present! So remember to check the elastic on your underwear!

APRIL-A MONTH TO REMEMBER CANCER

Cancer can affect anyone in any family. It still really is a disease for the old even though we all have known people at all ages who may have experienced some form of cancer. Some types of cancers are treatable and curable with a long life span. Others are treatable but do shorten the life of the person. Some types go away for awhile with treatment but can return at a later date. Some are very aggressive! There is lots of literature available to discuss the types if you want to learn more. I just think Cancer Sucks! To those who are experiencing it- don't lost hope! To families and friends supporting the person- don't lost hope! To all the researchers, please keep researching and maybe there will be new hope for longer tomorrows! Thank you to the oncologists, doctors, nurses, dieticians and a social worker or two who work with the patients and families to try to bring a quality of life!
Do you know someone with cancer- give that person a hug for me!

THE STRENGTH OF FAMILY

We all have a family-love it or loath it! There can be conflict. There can be love. In times of adversity, family know our history and love us anyway. The death of a family member leaves a hole. Depending on the relationship, things are never really the same again. Memories of the good times and the bad times come flooding back into our consciousness. There can be a real disbelief the person is no longer with us. Coming together to honour the person, gives us all some comfort. Looking at our pictures! Telling stories! Family keeps the memory alive. Keeps the person with us! Family can include friends that are more like family than family! Are you glad you have your family to comfort you? Even when far away, there is the safety knowing there are others who care!

NANA SAYS CHILDREN NEED TO LEARN TO SHARE

Sharing is a difficult concept at all ages. The word mine is learnt shortly after the word No for little children. We all have our things or want the things to be "mine". Sometimes as adults we expect little children to be better behaved about sharing than the average adult. By teaching children to share, we also must be willing to share our things, our favourite spot on the couch, our favourite mug or do we? We can share a bag of cookies- everyone gets two, okay maybe three! Children must share their parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles.Is it reasonable to expect an older child to share age appropriate toys with a younger sibling? Sharing love is hard! There is sometimes a need to be the favourite! When there is only one of anything, like the wagon at my house sharing is a must! However, I want my grandchildren to have fun, play and honestly the less fighting the better- done that, been there! So some solutions! Each child gets their own spot at the kitchen table with their plate, cup, etc. For example, for the longest time, one grandson played with the little plastic wheelbarrow I have in the house. But this year everyone-all 4 want to play with the one wheelbarrow! Do I teach them to share so every time the whole gang is here they are fighting over a plastic wheelbarrow? No, I scoured many stores and finally found 3 more wheelbarrows, sets of plastic rakes, shovels and hoes! If they were here alone all the time, one would have been fine but often I have two or four at a time. Now outdoor play in the yard will be better and enjoyable for Nana. Each child will have a set of toys to perform their own creative play. Sharing the lunch platter of goodies will occur! Sharing the space! So learning to share as well as have some ownership can go hand in hand for little children, teens and adults! Do you have ideas of teaching children to share? Do you as an adult really like to share your things? What limits do you put on sharing in your home?

A WEEKEND OF COOKING

Easter brought its share of cooking and eating. Families together for various meals. Church, egg hunts, and lots of dessert. Rebirth, renewel and review are some of the concepts that come to light for many. For some it is just a weekend off from work. For many family cooks it is a busy time making ham, lamb or turkey depending on your own family traditions. My husband Adolph decided to make some traditional Ciociaria foods. One food he made was Canascione- an Easter treat from that region in Italy. You can read about it at http://granpalovestocook.blogspot.com/ How was your weekend of celebrating. Was it eventful?
Our Easter treat has cheese, egg noodle and sausage in some.

It was baked then cut into pieces and served as an appetizer. As the cook's assistant I cleaned the kitchen afterwards. Do you have a favourite recipe to share with Adolph?

#canascione#eastertreatfromciociaria#reglectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro#adolphlovedcanscione#adolphmadecanscione#granpalovestocook#sausagecheeseinthecanascione

MORE SPRING FLOWERS-ANEMONE BULBS

I love all the new colours that keep emerging from the ground. These little blue flowers- Anemone- are all over my paths and garden now. Like all bulbs, they are planted in the Fall to bloom in the Spring! Do you have some in your garden?

VIMY RIDGE- A PROUD DAY IN CANADIAN HISTORY PART TWO

Last April 9, 2011, I posted about my grandfather's involvement in World War One. Vimy Ridge is a famous battle in that conflict that demonstrated to the world how important the Canadians were. My cousin Roy wrote about more of Ernest Adolphus Ellis role in the war in the comments section. Today there are memorials about the battle. 95 years later we continue to honour the sacrifices made for all Canadians who benefit today. Reviewing the post from last year will give a clear description of Ernie's role. One day I hope to visit Vimy Ridge in France- it is on my bucket list of places to see! Do you have a story about Vimy Ridge? Did you have a family member who served there?

GOOD FRIDAY BLESSINGS

Spending a day at home with grandchildren, cleaning and counting our blessings is a wonderful way to begin the Easter weekend. What are you doing to take advantage of a day away from work? Did you go to church? Do you have a special meal to prepare? How are you counting your blessings?

WHAT RESULTS WOULD YOUR RIPPLES BRING?

We all can throw a rock in the water and watch the ring of ripples.The bigger the rock, the bigger the splash! Or speed in a boat and the wash from it can move out and make waves! Ever been in a canoe when a speed boat goes by and get rocked! The smart canoeist knows to steer into the wave. But do you think about you as the rock or the wave and the impact you may make in life or in other people's lives! What would your ripples in the water make? The teacher may have a student return and thank for the knowledge imparted or to tell you were the worst teacher ever! The child may love the parent who raised him or her or want to flee because of the bad parenting! Friends may stop calling because your ripples are toxic or there are lifelong friends that wish they could see you more. If I thought about my ripples, I do have several answers. My children tell me I am a good mother and my grandchildren seem to like me! There have been patients or clients or families I have encountered years later that approach with fondness.  But I do think of things I have done and wish I had done differently- should I worry about those ripples! A harsh word! Actions untaken! Avoiding a conflict! Walking away from an opportunity! Life's ripples come with consequences! We all accept the consequences of our actions- no matter how well intended! So do we jump in the water and continue to make ripples or do we stand safely on the shore afraid to act! What the hell! Life is too short, I think I will jump in and make some more ripples! What are you going to do?

NANA SAYS CHILDREN LOVE EASTER AND PASSOVER

Both religious holidays fall at the same time this year. Children can learn about the wisdom of the lessons we celebrate. For Christians, the story of Jesus and his love for us. For Jews, the wisdom of God through Moses and the celebrations at the Seder dinners. It is a time to teach our children, regardless of the strength of our faith and conviction the positive aspects of the stories celebrated. There are Easter books for young children. Reading from the Bible or the Torah directly are good activities too. May the blessings of the season find you! For those from other faiths come and learn and share your wisdom!

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE PRESERVER?

As we look at the picture, what images do you see about safety? As we go about our day, we all have safety nets. Seat belts in cars. Life preservers in boats. Obeying traffic laws. The lure of the water but to go safely!

ROAD TRIP FEVER

As the weather is becoming consistently warmer, I have the urge to plan some road trips for the next few months. Here in Ontario there are many quaint and interesting communities to explore for a few hours, have a lunch and come home. Of course, take lots of photographs to use in my blog!! Lately with everything that has been happening, I feel a little "boxed in". The call of the road, a little adventure, to see something new. Really I would love to see Paris in the springtime- on my bucket list- but can not afford a big trip anywhere so the road trips- a day jaunt or an overnight to spend in a hotel, are my priority right now. I should just take a map and draw a circle of places within an hour or two from home. And go! There are still some country roads near home that are easy to drive but I can do that anytime. There are other interesting roads to explore with rock formations making the drive picturesque.  If you are the passenger and with a high speed setting on your camera you can take picutres as you "fly" along the road! Do you have the urge to travel? Do you have favourite places to visit close to home? Pack a picnic lunch or visit your usual cafe!

SPRING IN THE CITY

Nothing brightens up a city street like trees and flowers. The beautiful green against brick is a contrast of nature and man made buildings. Most Canadian cities have a mandate to plant trees to help keep greenspaces. Do you have a favourite city park you enjoy? Do you have a favourite street you like to walk?

HAVING FAITH IN THE PROCESS

Love, hope and faith but the greatest of these is love! So we are told. Faith takes courage. It takes believing in the process. Believing in something outside ourselves. Faith to take the steps needed to move forward. Faith that there will be a better day after the dark days. Faith in each other- how a relationship works. Faith in God. Faith in your friends. But most of all faith in yourself. If you believe in yourself, then others can believe in you too. Not over the top extraordinary, just ordinary. Faith to get through each day with the courage to do the best you can. Some days it will be minimal effort while others will give you the strength of an army. Faith can be your ally in troubled times. Do you have faith? If you are dealing with a troubled time, will it help you get through to the next step? Do you have any stories about a time faith pulled you through?

A POSTCARD FROM BELGUIM

My folks received many postcards from friends over the years. I found this one postmarked from Belguim but is actually from the Moulin Rouge- a painting by Jean-Denis Malcles.

It was dated Feb. 5, 1999- Oostkamp, Belguim. " Dear Mae &Elli: Well here it is Feb. and we are still in Europe. Have been to many beautiful cities. Paris & Vienna being 2 of our favorites. We have spent a lot of our time in Belguim, everyone here has been so kind & generous. We have been taken is like we where family, not the 2 complete strangers that we where when we arrived on the doorstep of the cousin of Ava who is looking after the practice at home. We have seen the Louve and Mona Lisa amongest other masterpieces and Vatican City in Rome were I think God must live. So many good people, good food, good wine. We are both well as we hope this finds you. Love Linda * P.S. how was the cruise, did you see my friend the waiter?"

Don't postcards give a little snapshot of a person's life? If you want a postcard featured here, email me at abdm@rogers.com and I will send you my address so you can send me a postcard.