NANA SAYS PARENTING TEACHES PATIENCE

Patience often means learning to wait. When pregnant, must wait until the baby is ready to come. Wait until the baby finishes eating. Wait for the burp! Wait until the crying is over and the baby can be put down! Wait for the toddler to put on his/her own shoes! Getting children organized so you can leave on time. Letting children learn at their own pace takes patience. The teenager and the curfew-waiting until the last one is home. If you do not learn to be more patient as a parent then you do not get parenting. Parenting is about teaching and helping the children in your life to learn. Learn manners, respect for others and of course about relationships and what it means to love someone. Our ability to be patient with the little ones and even older- teenagers, young 20's we allow the children to be what they need to be. The cases I would have in family therapy cases often was just the miscommunication and trying to have the child be something the parents wanted. An example, a teenage girl was having problems at school and was skipping class. The mother was focussed on how clean the house should be. The girl did not polish the water spots on the bathroom taps. It was her house and she wanted things a certain way! Hum!  Having a discussion about patience and trying to see what the child needed. Using narrative therapy techniques- the problem is the problem, not the person! Why is the child avoiding school? Engaging the whole family in the process of change can take a lot of patience on the part of the counsellor/therapist. Patience is more than a virtue, it is a necessity in parenting. Stop expecting the preschooler to be more in control of his/her feelings than the average adult! Really listen and try to understand what is going on! Be patient! By being patient, often the real issue emerges! Do you think you are a patient person? What do you use to stay grounded and wait for the other person to be ready?

NANA SAYS A CHILD'S BEHAVIOUR IS NOT CULTURALLY DIVERSE

Although we talk and support cultural diversity in our society, it is very interesting to observe children. While shopping last week there was a little boy about 4, speaking in Farsi with his parents. He was whining and loud. It did not take an interpreter to understand his behaviour and language. He was bored, did not want to be shopping and was misbehaving. Just like most other 4 year olds! Whining is understood in any language. A child's dislike of shopping is universal! We may think we have such differences as adults, but children have similar behaviours and reactions to life from all backgrounds. Think of that little baby of 6 months who smiles at a smiling face. Does not discriminate! Learning to play with other children in a Day Care Centre where acceptable behaviour is reassured, not  cultural diversity. Gender differences are not supported! Little girls and little boys are encouraged to have positive interactions with each other! Teaching any 3 year old not to fight with another can lead to learning to cooperate and getting along with others. "It's mine!" can carry over into adulthood if children are allowed to be too self-centred. Even some countries whine- "it's mine and start wars!" The behaviours of all children from all backgrounds, I believe is universal. It is how we raise our children. The respect we encourage. For me, as a Canadian- manners, manners, manners. Please, thank you, excuse me! These are words that are taught from a young age! Most importantly, I must set an example and demonstrate the behaviour. No longer can we say as adults- do as I say, not as I do!
Tell me what do you see when you are around other people. Do you observe that children are children regardless of background? What do you think?

WHAT WOULD YOUR MEMOIR SAY!

If you had to write a memoir what would you say about yourself! What would be the highlights of your life! The good, the bad and the ugly! How would you describe yourself? Caring! Loving! Cheap! Thrifty! Always there for your family and friends! A loner! A social butterfly! Most people exaggerate the good qualities and see themselves as more positive than reality. Now if you asked someone else to write a biography about you, do you think it would match your own opinion of yourself! I have been with the most negative people that will state how knowledgeable and positive they are! In my head, I usually say- Right! Our worst critics usually help us identify our flaws whether we want to or not? Be careful! Some people may want to drag you down. Ask the nice people! They get dumped on a lot! If you are crabby, no one wants to say anything because they do not want the wrath!  I hope my memoir matches what I think of myself- nice, my personal history, my life in Social Work, love my family, patient, poor manners tick me off, cheap people including family tick me off, ready to learn something new, think I am slimmer than I am until I see the pictures with my tummy rolls, get bored when I am not challenged enough, surprised about how deep I feel about certain situations, definitely do not like to cry publically and well all around good person! Now I should get Adolph to read this and perhaps he will set me straight! Then I could write his biography. So what would your memoir say! What would be your social, family and work history? Regardless of your age what do you want to be said about you! Identifying those qualities, now go about living them! Be the person you want to be! Hum, now I sound like an ad and a little preachy- perhaps I need to add preachy to my memoir!

YES, CAN I HELP YOU

The service industry has many different people who provide- well a service. To greet someone with a smile and an implied interest helps the situation. Sometimes we have all had the glum person who is on the phone, chewing gum or just acting as if we are just an inconvenience and he/she is doing us a favour by waiting on us. When I encounter such people, I usually stop, give a smile, ask how are you doing with enthusiasm then ask my question. It is hard to be happy all the time but during a work day, greeting customers with a polite hello does not hurt. And as a customer to greet the service person with manners is a given! Can I help you, she says with a smile?

MANNERS KEEP US CIVILIZED

Canadians have been known to be a very polite people. There are moments when we can encounter impolite ones though. Our children are taught from the cradle to say please and thank you, to wait your turn. In our modern world with all its impatience it is easy to forget one's manners. Everyone is in a hurry- so leave earlier for what you need to do! Waiting- that has become a dirty word. Remember the days when you had to go to the bank at noon on your lunch break or Friday when the bank stayed open until 6- yes you waited in a long line. If you go to the bank today and they are two people ahead of you- the huffing and puffing that goes on. Today we have choices with online banking, ATMs, longer hours and even Saturday banking. I have lots of patience. If someone else was first then I can wait. If there is a traffic jam, I can wait. If the light is red, I can wait. When I chose to do a big shop and have waited in my line and have someone with the one item, I usually let that person go ahead of me as I am loading the counter. Honestly- so I do not have to have huffing and puffing behind me. Recently, I let someone go ahead who had to mention she was in a hurry as she had a long drive- there was no consideration of my day. Since I have manners I did not mention- yes I am a busy full-time working Nana with a busy schedule and needed to get home to babysit the grandkiddies after awakening at 6 a.m. to change the bed, do two loads of laundry- well you get the picture!!! Manners do let us be civilized and not get into power struggles with others. Sincere appreciation- with a Thank you so much!! Thanking those in our lives for the little things that are done. Can you please print those labels! Excuse me when you walk between some one! Do you mind if I pass by you! So much nicer and makes a nicer world. I have been criticized for being too polite in my lifetime! However, manners do keep us in check when there are times we really want to tell someone to.... - well you know those choice expressions. Would you describe yourself as someone with good manners? Does it make you feel good to respect others? Do you have trouble waiting?