GOOD MANNERS KEEP US CIVILIZED

Civilized people always have good manners. So what are good manners.
It starts with respect of yourself. Respect of others. Respect of our community.
Opening a door. Sayings please and thank you. Not saying rude, crude, racial or derogatory statements to others. Driving with manners. Not cutting off another car. Letting someone in traffic to to keep it moving.
What do you think about good manners? Do you teach your children manners?
#goodmaners#respectforothers#drivingwithmanners#watchinghowwespeaktoothers#sayingpleaseandthankyoutotoothers#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara

NANA SAYS DEMONSTRATING RACIAL TOLERANCE TO CHILDREN

Sometimes we talk about teaching values to children. Talking, talking, talking! The most important act is being and doing. Demonstrating with our actions. Having friends and acquaintances from a variety of backgrounds. Being a respectful colleague. Being a respectful parent to not just our own children but all children.
If speaking a language other than English be aware there may be others around you that do not speak the language and be inclusive- speak in English. Excluding people is very easy by doing this very act! It is good to have other languages- I speak and understand several- not fluently but enough to get by! Be aware that some people may understand when you think they do not. For example, in my younger years, when taking a bus in a predominantly ethnic area, I understood the two ladies talking negatively about another passenger. So when I got up to leave, I said Scusi!
If new to the country, learn what the country is all about before putting down what is different. Diversity is great. But it means to be diverse. It goes every which way. It is easy to point a finger at one group but remember 3 are pointing back! Do you include others in your life?
Remember it is okay to know we all have some prejudices and to work on them. Continue to challenge and to change. Demonstrate to our children and grandchildren. A tough one to do but very doable! One last point, I used to be a regular blood donor. Do you know everyone's blood is red? We really are more similar than different!
#racialtolerance#teachingchildren#demonstratingracialtolerance#speakingEnglish#inclusiveness#exlusiveness#diversistyisachallenge#children#grandchildren#Canada#Canadiansociety#toleranceforothers#beawareofyourownprejudices

#39 BARB'S REFLECTIVE 150- JUNE 27 MULTICULTURAL DAY

So every culutre counts. Even the Canadian culture to which I belong. The group that has been here for 100 to 200 years more or less depending on the family line. Respecting others and all the cultures and religions equally is the goal. No more- my culture is better than yours. As a multigenerational Canadian for example, the whole issue of food. Our food is better than your food! Well on Multicultural day, everyone counts. So have a good day. Yes I speak English, some French, some Spanish and understand/speak lots of Italian.

NANA SAYS EXPECT CHILDREN TO BE RESPECTFUL

Hanging around young adults, grandchildren and other children brings the point of what does respect really mean. Asking questions thoughtfully counts. But asking rude questions with a putdown in the voice does not. Preteens and teenagers often bark and talk disrespectfully. Calling the child on the tone and behaviour with manners and not barking back takes patience. One can say when you want to talk to me nicely I will be in the other room!! Setting the bar and showing by example is a real challenge for parents, grandparents and older work colleagues. The work piece is the fact that many adults play out their family issues in the workplace. I only have two children so have always refused to be treated like some one's parent even though the rudeness does come my way often!! Back to respect. What is it? Appreciating all our differences in a family. Age related. Younger and older children. No putdowns. No name calling. Letting each person have their turn in talking. Asking to use another person's stuff. Cleaning up your stuff. Parents teach, show, demonstrate respect or they do not. Give privacy. Everyone is allowed their own personal space.  Basically give what you want to have. Manners, appreciation, giving positive compliments, take energy and time. Try not to be in a hurry. Children may go through stages where they drag their feet leaving home. Remember home is the safe haven. Teach children to respect each other. One example, recently, one child was sharing cookies with an older child who refused the cookie- his hands are yucky! Nana pointed out the child was just sharing and doing a kind thing! Recognizing that hurt feelings can occur with the lack of understanding. The older child looked at Nana and seemed to be taking in the observation well!! Special occasions like birthdays are times for each person to be the centre of attention for a day. Others can be part of the fun. My mother-in-law used to light the birthday candles again and again for the grandchildren so at each birthday with the cake the other children could blow them out too! No hurt feelings! They were children after all and just want to be included. Teaching children to call other adults  Mr. or Mrs. is important!  I often find it respectful when my children's friends still call me Mrs. Di Mambro even though I am okay with just Barb. I know they are showing respect so do not correct them. In my workplace doctors that could be my children are called Dr. and not their first name. I give the respect that they have earned. Demonstrating! Being a respectful person is the best way to earn respect. If someone does not want to be respectful, it is that person's problems not yours. Simply do not lower your standards! Respect a huge and tough value!

NANA SAYS PARENTING TEACHES PATIENCE

Patience often means learning to wait. When pregnant, must wait until the baby is ready to come. Wait until the baby finishes eating. Wait for the burp! Wait until the crying is over and the baby can be put down! Wait for the toddler to put on his/her own shoes! Getting children organized so you can leave on time. Letting children learn at their own pace takes patience. The teenager and the curfew-waiting until the last one is home. If you do not learn to be more patient as a parent then you do not get parenting. Parenting is about teaching and helping the children in your life to learn. Learn manners, respect for others and of course about relationships and what it means to love someone. Our ability to be patient with the little ones and even older- teenagers, young 20's we allow the children to be what they need to be. The cases I would have in family therapy cases often was just the miscommunication and trying to have the child be something the parents wanted. An example, a teenage girl was having problems at school and was skipping class. The mother was focussed on how clean the house should be. The girl did not polish the water spots on the bathroom taps. It was her house and she wanted things a certain way! Hum!  Having a discussion about patience and trying to see what the child needed. Using narrative therapy techniques- the problem is the problem, not the person! Why is the child avoiding school? Engaging the whole family in the process of change can take a lot of patience on the part of the counsellor/therapist. Patience is more than a virtue, it is a necessity in parenting. Stop expecting the preschooler to be more in control of his/her feelings than the average adult! Really listen and try to understand what is going on! Be patient! By being patient, often the real issue emerges! Do you think you are a patient person? What do you use to stay grounded and wait for the other person to be ready?

GRAFITTI- LOVE IT OR HATE IT!

I happen to like grafitti- if it is tastefully done. No swear words, no racial slurs, no provocative pictures.There is a debate locally to fine those who do grafitti. If I had a building- which I do not- I would invite local artists to compete and allow the best drawing in my mind to be done. It makes dull brick walls interesting and does draw people to your location. It started with cave paintings- perhaps they were just grafitti too! What do you think- art or nuisance? Have you ever painted a rock near a highway? The side of a building? A sandwalk? Of course, not a church, synagogue or any religious place or in a cemetery. Even grafitti artists should have class and manners! And respect!

THE KNOW IT ALL

Is the most annoying person to be around. When I find myself commenting too much on situations, I force myself to stop. No one knows everything. By letting someone else actually comment or have an opinion without a retort, the most respectful thing happens. Asking someone for their point of view and listening, makes friends. Especially with little children, they must be validated. Even if we could add information, it is best to ask questions- to let the other person answer. The workplace is live with the know it alls!!!! Are you a know it all? Or do you grow tired of the know it all? Even if you could add corrected information, can you let the subject drop so someone else can shine?