NANA SAYS SIBLING RIVALRY CAN DESTROY FAMILIES

Since the beginning of time, siblings can have rivalry. Even though there are the same parents, each child comes with an unique set of expectations. The oldest can have a sense of entitlement-well I am the oldest. Sometimes the baby of the family is seen as getting more and being spoiled. The middle child of the same sex often can feel he or she does not belong anywhere. The oldest girl, the youngest girl and the only boy can make the playing field even for example. Parents often struggle with keeping things fair and giving each child " the same". However, one child may go further in school so more money may need to be spent. Another child may have special needs so a different amount of time is needed helping that child. It is more difficult when the children are adults and still want to play their childhood resentments with their adult siblings. Look at the Bible- Cain and Able as well as the meaning of Joseph when his brothers resented him because the father gave him a beautiful coat. Some siblings do not become adult friends. Forcing family reunions and functions regularly just do not work. Letting adult children have distance on each other works. Limited family involvement may be the best answer. When children are little, there are the teaching moments of sharing, listening to each other and learning to respect each other's differences. A parent can look at any situation and really understand what brings resentment to a child. However it must be understood that some children really can think they are owed more. If one gets $1.00 and the other child gets a nickle be prepared that the child with more can still resent that other child. Sibling rivalry has destroyed families! Can it be avoided? Sometimes but sometimes not! Parents can not expect their adult children to be best friends! Encourage your children to make friends and have many social contacts in their lives. Be well rounded! Find a middle ground where children can relate. Family functions can be divided between different family groups the same way one may invite friends from different circles. Of course, do not be a parent that wants your children to fight over you. This can occur in families where a parent always compares one child to another-setting the stage for resentment!  For an elderly parent, it may be the only way to keep some control.
If there are too many conflicts-get therapy! Someone outside the family in a professional capacity can help to sort out what is causing the conflict. Remember more hours can be spent away from your siblings than with them! Since it is a touchy subject, more could be said and written. There are no definitive solutions nor answers.

ARE YOU EVER FED UP WITH AREAS OF YOUR LIFE?

Are you someone who tries to make things work? Do you bend over backwards to try to sort out issues around you- at home, at work, at play? Are you the good friend that listens but does not have the courtesy reciprocated? Do you feel sometimes like you have hit the wall? So what do you do? How do you squash the feeling of " I am fed up with everything"? What strategies come to mind? One of my strategies is to retreat and think about the circumstances. To work on positive projects. Perhaps, to vent in ways with a trusted colleague or to review what has brought this feeling. Good physical exercise to burn off steam! If nothing else works, go to a high mountain side and scream!!!!

THE STRENGTH OF FAMILY

We all have a family-love it or loath it! There can be conflict. There can be love. In times of adversity, family know our history and love us anyway. The death of a family member leaves a hole. Depending on the relationship, things are never really the same again. Memories of the good times and the bad times come flooding back into our consciousness. There can be a real disbelief the person is no longer with us. Coming together to honour the person, gives us all some comfort. Looking at our pictures! Telling stories! Family keeps the memory alive. Keeps the person with us! Family can include friends that are more like family than family! Are you glad you have your family to comfort you? Even when far away, there is the safety knowing there are others who care!

MISUNDERSTANDINGS

Have you ever been in a situation where there has been a misunderstanding and you took the brunt of the person' s wrath? In life, it is possible to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. It happened to me. It feels very uncomfortable but liveable. In the workplace, there are so many different personalities it is impossible that there will not be times when others dump their feelings on team members. Working in close quarters invite comarderie but also invite conflict. Today is another day and I will do my best to stay out of everyone's way! Have you experienced some conflict lately? How have you handled it?
By the way it is my 500th blog! I hope to keep on going strong!

SAYING GOODBYE

Goodbye! See you later! It is an easy goodbye with the expectation we will see the person later. Friends move away. Goodbye! Keep in touch! See you at Christmas. Work mates leave for a new job. Let's do lunch. We let go of some friends or colleagues due to a conflict, nothing in common anymore or time just passes and the contact ends. Then there is the chance we will see them again. Death is the hardest goodbye as it is is so final. There is no second chance. We will not see that person again in this lifetime. Sudden death without any warning is even harder. Do we then treat those we love in the moment with extra care? Is there someone in your life that a goodbye would be just too painful to consider? How about hello, you mean so much to me? Is that kiss goodbye every morning more precious? Is that extra hug to the child in your life an important moment? Goodbyes can be a growth opportunity but it comes with a cost. We all need to move on and face new challenges. How many painful goodbyes have you had? I know I have had too many.