THE WIDOW SERIES- CLICHES DO NOT HELP THE SOUL

 Many people do not handle others' grief well and often are misguided in what to say. Widows tolerate more crap than widowers. Why do people think it is easier for women than men? 

Widow Series- Cliches do not help the Soul

Wanting to scream if she heard, Everything happens for a reason again as Carol sat patiently.

Another girls or do we call them Ladies get together.

He had a fall. Hit his head. Had a brain bleed. Was in ICU for 6 weeks. Surgery did not help. Bill died at 57 years old.

So Carol thought what was the reason. She wanted to scream- Shut the fuck up at her dinner mates.

At 54 years old, she was not ready to be a widow. Not ready to try to find another partner. So what was the reason.

Oh yeah. The grief journey. Take one day at a time. Grief slows the days down so the day actually seems like a week.

Let sleeping dogs lie. So any family crap, well let it go. It does not matter anymore. But it actually does. Especially when there is money or property. Bill inherited stuff and property. It was Carol’s now. But some of his family wanted it back. Even though they had been married for 33 years. Still treated like some outsider.

Life goes on. Duh. Of course it goes on. The earth revolves around the sun. Day becomes night. Night becomes day.

A bird in the hand is worth more than two in the bush. So who the hell has a bird.

Keep your friends close but your enemies closer. Carol felt those inlaws were more enemies than friends. Yes keep them close because they are not getting my stuff.

What goes around comes around? Oh yeah but not always. Some people really do not get what they deserve.

Karma is a bitch. But life teaches us again that everyone experiences karma. Whatever karma really is. Some very bad [people get to continue their bad journey and get rich and richer.

The boys without their Dad. Just starting their independent lives. The relationship was getting so much better. And now he is gone.

A rolling stone gathers no moss. Well to keep going. Keep rolling.

Do unto others as….. So what is the point. 

A rose is a rose by any other name. My name is Carol. 

Let’s move forward. Maybe standing still feels better. 

Don’t drink and drive, Duh. 

It was a dark and stormy night. Grief can be like a scary movie.

 Darkest before the dawn. True but what if dawn still feels so dark. 

Watch your back. Hard to see out of the back of my head. So with my back to the wall I can see in three directions and keep those in-laws from trying to steal my stuff.

 Sly like a fox. Well foxes are very quiet and move cautiously. I feel like a fox. Keep quiet and listen. Learn what others are thinking and wanting. 

Better the devil that you know then the one you don’t. Yup keep an eye on those prying in-laws. 

Don’t do something you will regret. 

When you love something set it free….. I loved Bill. I set him free. But he is not coming back. Even though I want him back. 

The apple/acorn does not fall far from the tree. 

It is not over until the Fat lady sings. Well I am medium build so maybe I can sing anyway.

October 20, 2022

Copyright-Barbara Di Mambro

#thewidowseries#clichesthatpeoplesay#ashortstorywithcliches#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro#barbaramaydimambro

THE WIDOW SERIES- NO I DON'T WANT YOUR HUSBAND

A short story about a small dilemma widows face in social situations.

NO I DON'T WANT YOUR HUSBAND

No I don’t want your husband

 

Great! It happened again. That look.

You know the one. The one that could kill.

Being alone takes its toll. So when out and about nice to socialize. Talk to people. Women, children and sometimes men.

Friendly, social. Casual conversations.

Since he died, no real male companionship. Miss all the jokes. And the silliness. The debates. The talk.

I did not sign up in life to join the Widows Club. It is not a great life.

I don’t buy the pity party. To miss your spouse is the norm.

So back to being friendly. I talk to the men in my life. Chatting. Catching up on life. Well what’s up!

The I saw her the 60 something wife glaring. Glaring as if she could kill with those eyes. If she had a gun she would have killed me. I am older than she is.

Her husband Fred is a nice guy but not really my type. Okay he has a breath but not my type really. After Bill died, he was nice and asked if I would need any work done around the house to let him know.

I already made up my mind I would pay someone or ask the sons-in-law for any help. I knew better than to use a friend.

Fred has always been a nerd. So not my type. But his wife Sally thinks she is a catch. Always did.

I make myself very obscure. No sexy clothes. No showing my large teats in any tops. I know previously men had noticed them. But now try to dress them down with tops that cover me completely.

Bill always teased me about them. He would say men are looking at them honey. But they are mine to have, hold, kiss and well do what I want.

Sally has medium teats. Is he worried her husband may be interested in mine?

So another male in my life I will avoid so I do not get the look. The glare.

The widow dilemma. To be friendly and social is often misinterpreted for what. Flirting. Hitting on other men.

My work entailed for me to be social. To engage. To listen to others.

So naturally I am attentive to others and some of those others include men.

May 15, 2022

Copyright- Barbara Di Mambro

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THE WIDOW SERIES- JUST A DATE ON A CALENDAR

 Anniversaries have a way of reminding about the good times.

JUST A DATE ON A CALENDAR

There it is. The day. The date on a calendar.

The memories are there connected with that date.

Pull out the photo album. Look at the pictures.

See the memorabilia. The napkin with the names on it. The old wedding cake piece in the freezer. What a stupid tradition to save a piece of cake for the baby’s first birthday.

Where is the wedding dress? Why do we keep a dress that we will never wear again? And to have it specially boxed at the Cleaners for a costly price!

The wedding cards with the messages. The gifts long gone or broken. The money spent.

May 15, 2022

Copyright-Barbara Di Mambro

#anniversaries#rememberingthegoodtimes#theweddingday#rememberingahappyday#barbaradimambro#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaramaydimambro

THE WIDOW SERIES- A WALK IN THE RAIN WITH AN UMBRELLA

 Rain never stopped me from enjoying life.

 A walk in the rain with an umbrella

 

Getting the mail and a memory surfaced.

That trip to Ottawa and in the rain to see the Tulip Festival.

Plastic raincoats but needing an umbrella as well.

So being a Tuesday which is always a hard day for me.

The day of the week he died.

130pm is the time.

A walk in the rain is good. As long as it is a gentle rain. Not torrential where every part gets soaked.

I embrace the walk. As short as it is. About 200 m. each way A.

Time to think. Time to reflect. Time to be.

And functional. Getting the mail.

So many memories in my head. So many that are good. I try to drown out any negative ones. Why relive pain? It is good to relive the fun, the good ones, the times where we laughed.

He did make me laugh. I miss that. I miss the silly jokes.

The funny adventures like our trip to Rome for our 25^th.

Or the time he rolled off the bed in Florida!

Or buying two different shoes to go to a wedding and he had to shine his old ones. He always bought new shoes at the last minute. It was a silly habit of his.

So rain. Memories come raining down.

Rain hides the tears. Can have a wet face.

Copyright-Barbara Di Mambro

#walkintherain#rainneverstoppedus#memoriescomeupintherain#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro#barbaramaydimambro

THE WIDOW SERIES- LIFE GOES ON

 The earth revolves on its axis. Yes life goes on.

LIFE GOES ON

Did I tell you what not to say to a widow? There are so many trite comments.

But am I tired of the Life will go on.

Yeah right. Life has gone on. I get up every day. I pee. I brush my teeth. I have my first coffee.

There are activities of daily living like meals, laundry, bills to pay, make some phone calls. Pursue my interests.

This part of my life has not changed.

Being without him has changed.

The company. The intimacy. The sex. The goodnight kiss.

Just being with each other.

Being alone.

Living alone. The first time in my life I have not lived with anyone.

He asked me a first months before he died who was I going to talk with every day. I jokingly told him well you of course.

Talking aloud brings some company but it is not the same as having a partner to talk about everything and nothing. The small talk. The big talk. The silly talk.

The life that couples have. The comfort. Well the not being alone.

It did not mean we were joined at the hip. I could be in one room and he was in another. Just knowing there was someone in the house. If he ran into trouble he could yell for me. I was there. He often joked he could not help me much. But with the phone beside him as I told him he could phone 911 for me.

I did not care he could not help me physically because mentally he helped me by just being with me.

It was a content time. And a very sad time. Sad because no matter what I did for him it could not make him better.

Quality of life was the palliative approach. Eat what he liked. Drink what he liked. Watch his shows on TV when he liked.

The light was on all the time for safety for him. He could sleep with a light on anyway. But it was reassuring to know he was safe while I slept.

Sometimes I see those self help books about finding happiness. How to enjoy your life.

But what if the good bits are behind. There is not the same to expect in front of me.

No interest in a new man.

No interest in joining the widow groups.

No interest in the being ghosted. It even happened a lot with the ageism before I retired.

Seniors are ghosted all the time. Older women do not get seen. Ghosted.

But it makes it easier to people watch. Listen to conversations. If not seen, others just continue as if you are not there anyway.

Life goes on but the memories stick. The funny moments recalled. The intimacy.

A new life but not a better one. I had the better one and it is gone.

Barbara Di Mambro

February 15 2022

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THE WIDOW SERIES- TEA AND TOAST

 I used to hear about lonely old women having tea and toast. I didn't get it then. I get it now. Who really likes to cook all the time.

Widow Series-

Tea and Toast

What is for dinner?

So hard to cook for one.

The elderly woman is what she called herself.

Tea and Toast.

A different tea each day.

A different slice of bread. Sometimes white. Sometimes grain. Sometimes whole wheat.

From a family home to a couple’s home to a family to being empty nester then to being alone. A single.

She never liked the idea of single.

It rather sucks.

So much advice of how to cook and what to make.

Much easier to order something or buy at the supermarket. You know. One of those meals. A chicken and two sides.

Swiss Chalet has good meals. A salad. A bun. A side extra with steamed vegetables.

But meal time is a social time. Not just the food but the company. Being with someone else.

Well not alone.

Trying not to eat in front of the TV all the time. But it is company.

August 13, 2022

Barbara Di Mambro

#teaandtoast#eatingaloneeveryday#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro#barbaramaydimambro

 

THE WIDOW SERIES- THE MORNING WALK

 I love to walk especially in the morning to greet the da.

The Widow Series- The Morning Walk

 

Sun rising later in the morning. But still able to get out before 6 am.

The crisp and refreshing morning air hit her face. Weights in hand, swinging those arms. Working those muscles.

Barb headed up the street. Looking every way several times, crossed the road to start the trek up the hill.

Working those leg muscles.

Not just exercise but a time to think and reflect. To plan the day. To strategized for new projects. What to make. What to write.

No ear plugs. Cell phone in the small bag across her body. Safety first.

Today was different. He is getting sicker. So more time needed at home. Less time to go out.

The walk just 20 minutes gave a good time.

If driving in the morning time to see many others taking advantage of the cool air to walk.

Birds in the field. The summer grasses growing. The sky. Those last red eyes getting ready for the approach to Pearson.

Thinking. Are the people coming home? Or here for a vacation? Work? Family emergency? So many stories in one plane.

If I wave can the people on the plane see me. Would they think who is that mad woman waving?

Rounding the bend on Major Mac. Ignoring the cars and drivers. Who sees an old lady walking? Old ladies are invisible. Men only like 25 year olds with big tits. So good to ignore as no one sees Barb anyway. She’s older. Invisible.

 

Walk and think. No talking. Just in my head. Clearing my head.

July 24, 2019

Barbara Di Mambro

#morningwalkds#redeyeinthemorning#inmyheadtothink#observingtheworldaroundme#reflectivethoughsbybarbara#barbaradimambro#barbaramaydimambro