NANA SAYS TEENAGERS MAKE GOOD VOLUNTEERS

Trying to find a summer job that pays can be difficult for young people. During High School where tuition money is not needed yet, many teenagers find volunteer experiences to gain some needed entry into the adult world. At our hospital there are dozens everywhere performing different needed tasks. One of the most important is helping people find their way around the place to get to the needed scheduled appointments. Engaging with people is a huge important life long skill. Young energy is good to see and good to feel. It's an investment for the future. Many fast food places also employ teenagers. So be kind to those young people trying to find their way in the world.

NANA SAYS SCHOOL IS OUT-BRACE YOURSELF

Camps and summer trips organized ages ago, parents are bracing for the summer months with children home. Little ones are easier to manage as day care continues or camps are there. Teenagers between those camp years and summer jobs are harder to manage. What to do to fill the days? Volunteer experiences! Helping in the family business! Cottages or camping help for weeks at a time but for those working parents sometimes taking separate vacation weeks to accommodate children at home can be the norm. It is never easy to plan everything. Children can still get sick in the summer so there may be days away from work for parents. Who stays home and who goes to work! Lots of books, craft supplies and maybe activity books to work on next year's subjects. But summer should be fun with moments of boredom too. Children must learn to fill their time with their own meaningful activities. Boredom often teaches all of us at all ages to find things to do to fill our time! Closets get cleaned. Long walks occur! A book gets finished because we may be bored. A new hobby may be found! Let children and especially teenagers organize themselves too. Put away the gadgets and explore the environment. Exercise. Okay kid- ride that expensive bike. Clean your room. Give the teen a list of household chores to help the family system. Teach everyone there are no free rides in life! Little ones can help in the garden, give them a little section to be their own. The lazy hazy days of summer do not last long enough and childhood goes too quickly. Remember what you liked to do as a  child and reintroduce it to the children in your lives. What is old can be new again? Can't it? Maybe even have a retro theme for summer events. A day- if you did not have a cellphone or smart phone, how would you talk to your friends, for example. Oh well- brace yourself and discover what the summer vacation can bring! For those going on long trips to exotic places, enjoy. For those staying around town, enjoy your staycation! For this Nana, I know there will be days helping with my grandchildren and I know I want to make it fun for them!! And me too! I am still a kid at heart!

NANA SAYS RAISING TEENAGERS CAN BE DIFFICULT

Being around modern teenagers is a reminder of the days I was a teenager and raising my own teenagers. Lessons, activities and homework have always been around!!  Oh yes there are gadgets, Skype, concern about cyber bullying and the constant use of cell phones, I-pods, tablets and computers but putting them aside hormones and feelings have not changed. My grandfather and father's generations went to war. Young children had jobs or part-time jobs too. Are today's youth smarter? I think not. They are exposed to more ways to gather information. But more apps on a gadget does not necessarily give more information. I have lots of apps on my gadgets and well some is useless junk! Just like junk flyers. As a parent, setting boundaries is your responsibility. All the pressures that teenagers face, your home becomes the safe haven from the world.  The gadgets can be turned off during dinner for example. But if you are a family like one witnessed eating at a restaurant recently with everyone checking their phones and no one really talking to each other as a parent you are setting an example of preference for your gadget then the people present including your own children. In other generations, no phone calls during dinner was a family rule in my home. Your friends knew not to call during the dinner hour. Teachers have a right to say turn off the gadgets during class. No texting, tweeting etc. I know I insist during a talk I give to new nurses to turn off the cell phones!! Of course I am met with looks of disdain! I don't care, I think it is rude behaviour. Well teaching and setting an example that some behaviour is rude is okay.  So do parents have an obligation to teach manners, you bet. Encouraging children to use all mediums such as reading a book, using a dictionary along with the infamous spell check, talking face to face not just through a gadget, doing math in your head without a calculator, handwriting and well listening to the sounds in your environment when walking are life's lessons. Well teenagers are argumentative. It has not changed. The yes but this and the yes but that. If the answer is no, then say no-there is no discussion. Basically, " I am the parent and you are the child!" Whether modern parents buy it, your teenager does want you to give boundaries-it keeps them safe. It lets them know there are rules. Yes the teenager must protest, it is what teenagers do. Yes you will be met, you are stupid, you do not understand me, another parent is better etc. It is what teenagers do.  I had a rule with my girls. To talk me about anything. Let me decide as the adult if the idea needed to go further. Let me as the adult give you safe guidance. I told my children to let me know if any friends were suicidal and putting themselves at risk. I told them it was better to lose a friendship then live with someone dying! Hormones run amuck! But hormones have not changed. Interest and curiosity with drugs, alcohol, smoking  and yes sex has not changed. There were times that teenagers of all generations like to drag race. Well it has not changed. Look at the odd teenage accident. I had school mates that died from such occurrences. The parent of the modern teenager just has to look at history. It was Socrates in Ancient Greece that said-what has become of the youth of today! And there were no gadgets!

NANA SAYS SPRING BRINGS A REVIEW OF THE SAFETY RULES FOR YOUR FAMILY

Safety with children is necessary with each season. As the snow melts over the country, the bikes and skate boards are visible everywhere. Playing outside and near streets becomes a norm. Parents need to review the safety rules. Looking both ways before crossing the street. Riding your bike wearing a helmet and watching for other riders. A biker hitting a pedestrian can do danger. Trying not to be distracted. Wearing ear plugs drowns out any street noise but it also does not let all the sounds you may need to hear to be safe. Walking and playing with your cell phone does not allow attention to any dangers. Looking! Seeing! Hearing! And smelling! Teach your children to be alert by knowing their senses. Being outside is healthy for everyone. Dog owners remember to poop and scoop! With the melted snow, the evidence is clear not everyone is a decent pet owner. No one wants to step in any! Have your own family safety rules. Oh yes-adults teach the best when we set an example! Be a role model for your little ones and teens. So no distracted driving either! If your area has some flood warnings, have a safety plan for yourself and your children. Prepare a bag or two in case of evacuation! Safety thinking and preparation is a way of living! Enjoy and try to prevent those unfortunate accidents.

NANA SAYS IT IS DIFFICULT WHEN CHILDREN TURN OFF SCHOOL

A colleauge expressed her dilemma. She is worried about her son who is in High School. He is 15 and doesn't care about school anymore. He is not trying. Teenagers are a hard group to influence. School is such an important part of the picture. We often tie school with the future. "You need to get good grades to go to university!" What does a 15 year old care about university or paying the bills one day? Too young to pull out of school for a year and work to get some life experience. Is there a subject he likes? Is there something he enjoys doing? Art? Marathon running? Football? Hockey? History? Math? Is he with a group of friends that are also turned off school? Could there be a mood disorder? Depressed? Some anxiety? Is he misbehaving at school or just not finishing his homework? When doing family therapy perodically in my career, these would be some of the areas to be explored. Sitting down as a parent and not just talking with our children but actually listening works better.  Hopefully, my colleague is talking with the school and the teachers to receive some guidance. Parenting is never easy. Especially with teenagers! No they have not changed with this generation. Even Socrates expressed his concern about the youth of his day.

NANA SAYS ARE TODAYS' YOUTH MORE ANXIOUS THAN OTHER GENERATIONS?

While reading an article in The Globe and Mail on anxiety, it made me wonder about the whole issue of anxiety and teenagers. One quote has teenagers stating they are more anxious than their parents at the same age and apparently more medicated. It is interesting but how does one generation of teenagers know how anxious another generation had been. Is it the same old thing-you did not have it as tough as we are having it now? I recall lots of anxiety in my teens and witnessed the same with my children when they were teens. Pressures at school, with friends, trying to achieve, wanting to go to the right college or university, worried about relationships, to have sex, to do drugs etc. My parents- the great-grandparents dealt with young men going off to war and some not returning. The psychiatrist quoted in the article-Dr. Stanley Kutcher from Dalhousie University- a specialist in adolescent anxiety -generally states that anxiety is inherited from our ancestors- protects us to fight or flee. Basically if we are anxious about something, find a way to deal with it. The writer of the article stated our society has created anxious, poorly coping adults. Perhaps some are not coping well but there are many that are coping quite well. Working parents do have anxious pressured moments just like this working parent did when my children were growing up. Many parents are very responsible to try to find quiet, positive, family moments to counter the stress of trying to do too much. Yes there are those that want quick fixes like medication to make everything go away. But there are those that try to use relaxation techniques, exercise, sports, reading together, going to church, and what works for their family group. Teenagers have pressures because they are one step away from being an adult. They are no longer little and not quite big enough. They are pushing against authority but wanting some boundaries. Nothing has really changed. Ever Socrates in his famous quote- what is wrong with the youth of today. Seeing the positive side of anxiety like Dr. Kutcher states motivates us to get going- studying for a test! There are many things that create anxiety- having to drive home in a snowstorm, having your computer freeze with your current essay or project, breaking up with a girlfriend/boyfriend, waiting to hear back from the admission's department of your chosen university/college, and the list could go on. There will be more articles of how anxiety is affecting our culture in The Globe and Mail. I certainly will give them a read. Some anxiety is normal at normal events. If your anxiety becomes debilitating then seek some professional help. But if you are 16 going on 17, well it is normal for the average teenager to feel some pressures. Believe me other generations certainly did. If you do not believe me, talk to your grandparent to give some perspective. If you are looking for information about anxiety, give Dr. Stanley Kutcher some thought in your pursuit! What do you have as suggestions for any teenager dealing with anxiety? What do you do to help with your own anxious moments?

NANA SAYS CHILDREN ARE PARTICIPATING IN VETERANS' WEEK

Every year as we honour our Veterans at Remembrance Day , it is quite noticeable that young people are attending the ceremonies. High Schools across Canada now plan trips to memorials. Some even venture across to Europe visiting places like Vimy Ridge in France. Canadian history and our place in World history has become cool. This interest is due in part to our history. Actually, due to the involvement and commitment of our modern military going to places like Afghanistan and peacekeeping in Cyprus and other parts of the Middle East, our youth is viewing modern heroes serving our nation. News stories featuring our Highway of Heros on the 401, brings home the price that is paid to protect our country. Teaching our children not to glorify war but to promote peace takes a fine balance. Informing our young family members about other family members that served keeps the memories alive as well as saying thank you for the work. It helps with life's lessons of why it is important to resolve conflicts without injury. Honouring our Veterans also teaches that life can be tough with tough times. Do what you need to do in your family to remember. Wearing a poppy can be the easiest gesture. Besides they are rather pretty. Depending on the age of the child, too much detail may frighten the little ones while teenagers will understand differently.

NANA SAYS PARENTING TEACHES PATIENCE

Patience often means learning to wait. When pregnant, must wait until the baby is ready to come. Wait until the baby finishes eating. Wait for the burp! Wait until the crying is over and the baby can be put down! Wait for the toddler to put on his/her own shoes! Getting children organized so you can leave on time. Letting children learn at their own pace takes patience. The teenager and the curfew-waiting until the last one is home. If you do not learn to be more patient as a parent then you do not get parenting. Parenting is about teaching and helping the children in your life to learn. Learn manners, respect for others and of course about relationships and what it means to love someone. Our ability to be patient with the little ones and even older- teenagers, young 20's we allow the children to be what they need to be. The cases I would have in family therapy cases often was just the miscommunication and trying to have the child be something the parents wanted. An example, a teenage girl was having problems at school and was skipping class. The mother was focussed on how clean the house should be. The girl did not polish the water spots on the bathroom taps. It was her house and she wanted things a certain way! Hum!  Having a discussion about patience and trying to see what the child needed. Using narrative therapy techniques- the problem is the problem, not the person! Why is the child avoiding school? Engaging the whole family in the process of change can take a lot of patience on the part of the counsellor/therapist. Patience is more than a virtue, it is a necessity in parenting. Stop expecting the preschooler to be more in control of his/her feelings than the average adult! Really listen and try to understand what is going on! Be patient! By being patient, often the real issue emerges! Do you think you are a patient person? What do you use to stay grounded and wait for the other person to be ready?

NANA SAYS DRESSING FOR WINTER TAKES EXTRA TIME

Bundling up the little ones in cold weather can be a challenge. Snowsuits are bulky. I always think of the scene in The Christmas Story where the little boy can not move. Hats and scarves are often pulled off as soon as they are applied. Good snow pants that can be pulled up quickly help. Having blankets in the car to put across the children helps if there is resistance to keeping zippers zipped. I always have extra scarves, mitts in the car as well. Parents have the daunting task of extra clothes.So in case something is forgotten in the daily rush, there is a little backup plan. The difficulty comes with the resistance to dress and undress several times daily. I remember battles at the Day Care with my children. Being tired and just wanting to go home tries anyone's patience. Then the older children! On my walk to work there is a High School across the street and I have observed this teen generation. Running shoes and no boots! Spring jackets instead of winter ones. Hats- I guess they are not cool. Are red frozen ears cool? Times have not changed as I remember classmates who dressed inappropriately for winter! There is always the front door mess of boots, coats, where to dry wet mittens? Perhaps some leniancy until Spring. Taking deep breaths and assertively tackling the activity works. Often having warm layers on your children help too. My grandchildren are typical of the struggle faced by most parents. Observing their behaviour has reminded me what a daunting task it can be. How do you manage the winter clothes? Have you found a way to make a game about it? Of course if one lives in one of the colder areas of Canada, it may be less of a struggle! You could just say, go ahead and freeze! Keep the door open as the child runs back in for warmer clothes!

CHRISTMAS AND HOLIDAY DEPRESSION

Despite the fun, the food, the joy and the magical moments of Christmas and the holiday season, there are many people that face emotional turmoil this time of year. If it is the first Christmas without a loved one following a death, it can be a reminder the person is gone. If the family structure has changed such as married children have moved away or are spending the significant days with the other side of the family, there can be loneliness and exculsion. Fighting about whose house has what dinner- Christmas Eve, Christmas Day or Boxing Day- makes for a stressful time. Making new traditions help. As the family changes, change is expected in the formal events of the season. Financial restrictions can damper the demands of " what do you want for Christmas?" from loved ones. Adults understand it and will not expect much or anything from those undergoing monetary hardship. Little children and even teenagers have different expectations. Often those folks are invited to the meals to give a welcoming place to be. Gifts can be given to others without a need  to receive anything back as a positive Christian value. Miscellaneous toy and food drives are good ways. However, helping people we know can  be challenging as some people will just say " I don't need charity!"

Anyone with chronic depression or anxiety can be suffering severely. As others around them are able to cope with the increased tasks and social events, they can become more incapacitated. If you know someone, reach out and offer to help with the concrete things for them. Sickness and hospitalization this time of year stands out. Can you assist those families? Asking someone at the last minute to your dinner or taking a meal to them could be helpful! Checking in on the friend with depression often to fend off any critical situation is a good idea. What about your energy? Take a deep breath! When entertaining, slow down and enjoy the company. If someone asks to give a hand, let them. Share the load. No one helps me with my dishes, as I just keep putting another load in the dishwasher so we all can sit and enjoy!

Are you the one with depression? Make sure your loved ones can be of assistance to you! Take your medication! Talk to your doctor if needed! Take care of yourself! Rather than trying to do it all, step back and really chose what is most important to you and the significant people in your life! Watching a sappy Christmas movie while eating chocolate creates a memory! Walking around your neighbourhood looking at the lights gives some much needed exercise as well as a fun moment for all! Teaching little children about the Christmas story through play because play let's you stop to relax! Rushing here and there is not fun! For some families, the season brings driving everywhere. Perhaps, talk about a sleepover- cut down on the driving! Remember it is hard to be in a good mood all the time- so it is okay to take little breaks from each other. Those of you that are the strong ones and can handle it all- you will recognize those in need! How is your mood right now? Are you feeling joyous? Depressed? Stressed about the last minute tasks? Are you finished and can you help someone else? If you are having trouble coping, talk to a doctor or your health care professional. Above all, recognize the times you need a break to try to relax and enjoy all around you!

NANA SAYS WHAT'S BECOMING OF THE YOUTH TODAY?

Each generation brings new difficulties and differences. With cell phones glued to an ear, constant texting, spell check, openness about sex, drug use and some disrespect for parents and any authority, there can be concerns about the current generation of teenagers or should there be?
Think about this quotation" The young people of today think of nothing but themselves. They have no reverence for parents or old age. They are impatient of all restraint. They talk as if they alone knew everything and what passes for wisdom with us is foolishness with them. As for girls, they are forward, immodest and unwomanly in speech, behaviour and dress. "
Did it come from a parenting magazine, some guru of a child psychologist or your grandmother? No, words from ancient Greece.
It was credited to Socrates by Plato probably from Plato's Republic!  300 B.C.? I need to check the exact text again. There are other wonderful quotes from these two great philosophers. Perhaps I will share them with you at another time!
Throughout history, it has never been easy to raise children, let alone hang in there with teenagers. But we must! By continuing to be a role model and setting positive, consistent house rules with some flexibility to allow for teen autonomy, life can be bearable. Know which battles to fight! Your defiant teenager can grow into a wonderful adult with responsibility, goals and a meaningful life. Mine did! Are you struggling with your teenagers today? Are you feeling alone? Look to the wisdom of history-find some perspective!