AN IMPORTANT FATHER FIGURE

The family unit needs a father figure or real male role models. It is healthy to have a male and female influence when raising children. Couples flourish when supporting each other in daily life. For some single mothers it may be difficult to try to be both to their children. Having uncles, grandfathers or family friends being positive sources  can become vital. Extended families can play such an important role in difficult times and be the backup support needed. In single sex couples, for example, children can have the exposure to other family members. Men benefit by having a family system that provides balance to the work life. A safe haven!

NANA SAYS THE PROBLEM IS THE PROBLEM

Not the child. In my work, I like to use some of the concepts of Narrative Therapy. Making the problem the problem and not the child, the self-esteem of your child can be maintained. Approaching concerns with your children, your family, your relationship can be more positive if this simple approach is used. We all do many things well-even the child you are trying to discipline. For example, if your teen is coming home after curfew, coming home late is the problem. Your teen has not become a bad person. Sitting and picking apart the problem allows for the child to help with identifying the problem, analysing it and looking towards a solution. Another example, a mess after a play time. The problem- the mess. How is everyone going to help with solving the mess? In our work we are asked to solve problems. Rarely would we head straight for a solution without identifying the problem. Use it in child rearing! Remember to concentrate on the good areas of your life! Letting your child become part of the "team" in helping to solve the "problem" changes the focus, doesn't it!

THE FACE IN THE SNOWMAN

Do you ever see images in clouds or arrangement of flowers or shadows? Or in a snowman made for a grandchild? Recently when I made a backyard snowman, one day I noticed a face in the snow. I wished I had taken this photo the day previously. It looked like one of my old cat's face. Do you see it?

VEGETABLES ARE GOOD FOR YOU!

Especially the green ones! Healthy eating at all ages keeps our energy levels high! For the person with diabetes the green vegetables are free! Eat as much of them as your little heart desires! A nice bowl of brussel spourts is always a welcome addition at festive meals! What are your favourite vegetables? Are they green? Are you looking forward to the summer garden with lots of beans and lettuce growing?

CANADIAN WINTER IMAGES

Snow photos are difficult to take without some contrast. Roaming around my winter garden recently, some opportunities arose. My winter rose! Yes the roses should have been pruned back but this one bush kept blooming well into December!

Milkweed- a reminder those dear Monarch Butterflies have migrated south to Mexico for the winter.

A snow covered coniferous tree- the green all year keeps some colour in the garden. Although taken in my backyard, it is so typical of a Canadian snow scene anywhere. Where are your winter photos taking you?

A POSTCARD FROM AIR CANADA

2012 marked the 75th anniversary of Air Canada. It actually started out as Trans-Canada Airlines.

The postcards were free from flights taken. The airplanes are the DC-8 and the Vanguard.
Do you like the menu card? I think it was a time I travelled First Class. As an employee's child, our family travelled on a pass. If there were no seats in Economy class we were bumped to First Class. On a trip from London, England when I was 17, I travelled that way.

The two postcards feature the DC-8 with the new logo- Air Canada and a Boeing-767. Our Dad flew the DC-8 and the Stretch 8 before he retired in 1976 after 30 years with the airline. He had more flying hours from his duties in World War Two. He also had many hours on the DC-3 and Viscount during his years with the airline. Some people do not like to fly Air Canada for whatever reasons. I usually fly it on any flights in Canada. Since I knew many Air Canada pilots in my youth, I understand the dedication and experience needed to be a qualified pilot. Remember the responsibility! Every Captain, especially Captain Park and the First Officer were expected to get all the passengers and crew home safely! Whenever Dad would leave for a flight, it was good luck to say "Happy Landings!" So here's to Air Canada and Happy Landings!

HOW COLD IS IT?

Canadians talk, write and complain about the weather more than any other topic including taxes! This week with an artic blast coast to coast except Vancouver, everybody has the cold on their mind, on facebook and in phone conversations. More hats, scarves and leggings have emerged from home closets as everyone bundles up! Well, welcome to a Canadian winter- it's supposed to be cold! Just think in a few months everyone will be complaining about the heat!!

THE WISE WOMAN

The Wise Woman is an archetype in the theory of analytical psychology. Carl Jung wrote about such archetypes when discussing his theory of the Collective Unconscious. The wise woman ( and the wise man ) is found a s a symbol in many myths and fairy tales. From some research, it is the wisdom of the eternal female nature. However with all archetypes there are good and bad; light and dark features. Archetypes according to Jung help us to organize our own personal experiences. From the unconscious to the conscious experience, our own personal definition can emerge. Sometimes concepts and theories studied in psychology many years ago do emerge.They are a reminder of areas studied throughout my lifetime. Therapists who wish to be Jungian must be older and experienced. One can not train in their 20s, for example, as it is felt that there are too many life experiences that have not occurred. I used to disagree with this notion. However, living a longer life and having many more experiences than in my 20s and 30s, I now understand the rationale. I did not want to become a Jungian therapist but do appreciate some of the concepts and ideas. Along with pieces of other theories, they have become part of my practice. I love the imagery and symbolism found with Jung. The view that we all universally have a collective unconscious often manifests itself in art and literature. For example, mother and child artifacts and paintings can be found in most cultures. As with modern psychologists and practioners,  psychology benefits from all theorists. No one person can write about it all but collectively we can have a greater understanding of our motivations, perceptions and behaviours. Of course, some scientists would need empirical findings! Have you read Jung? Do you understand his concepts? Would you use his ideas in practive or life?

NANA SAYS ARE TODAYS' YOUTH MORE ANXIOUS THAN OTHER GENERATIONS?

While reading an article in The Globe and Mail on anxiety, it made me wonder about the whole issue of anxiety and teenagers. One quote has teenagers stating they are more anxious than their parents at the same age and apparently more medicated. It is interesting but how does one generation of teenagers know how anxious another generation had been. Is it the same old thing-you did not have it as tough as we are having it now? I recall lots of anxiety in my teens and witnessed the same with my children when they were teens. Pressures at school, with friends, trying to achieve, wanting to go to the right college or university, worried about relationships, to have sex, to do drugs etc. My parents- the great-grandparents dealt with young men going off to war and some not returning. The psychiatrist quoted in the article-Dr. Stanley Kutcher from Dalhousie University- a specialist in adolescent anxiety -generally states that anxiety is inherited from our ancestors- protects us to fight or flee. Basically if we are anxious about something, find a way to deal with it. The writer of the article stated our society has created anxious, poorly coping adults. Perhaps some are not coping well but there are many that are coping quite well. Working parents do have anxious pressured moments just like this working parent did when my children were growing up. Many parents are very responsible to try to find quiet, positive, family moments to counter the stress of trying to do too much. Yes there are those that want quick fixes like medication to make everything go away. But there are those that try to use relaxation techniques, exercise, sports, reading together, going to church, and what works for their family group. Teenagers have pressures because they are one step away from being an adult. They are no longer little and not quite big enough. They are pushing against authority but wanting some boundaries. Nothing has really changed. Ever Socrates in his famous quote- what is wrong with the youth of today. Seeing the positive side of anxiety like Dr. Kutcher states motivates us to get going- studying for a test! There are many things that create anxiety- having to drive home in a snowstorm, having your computer freeze with your current essay or project, breaking up with a girlfriend/boyfriend, waiting to hear back from the admission's department of your chosen university/college, and the list could go on. There will be more articles of how anxiety is affecting our culture in The Globe and Mail. I certainly will give them a read. Some anxiety is normal at normal events. If your anxiety becomes debilitating then seek some professional help. But if you are 16 going on 17, well it is normal for the average teenager to feel some pressures. Believe me other generations certainly did. If you do not believe me, talk to your grandparent to give some perspective. If you are looking for information about anxiety, give Dr. Stanley Kutcher some thought in your pursuit! What do you have as suggestions for any teenager dealing with anxiety? What do you do to help with your own anxious moments?

JANUARY BIRTHDAYS REFLECTIONS

You guessed it! Today is my birthday. A time to celebrate, to enjoy and to reflect! Taking a vacation week in January has been a tradition for the last few years. In the dead cold of a Canadian winter it is a great time to be away from work. This year- another staycation! Feeling blessed to be surrounded by family and friends! Good work colleagues- some who have celebrated or will be celebrating January birthdays! Remembering childhood birthdays- my mother always bought me new pyjamas on my birthday! My Dad would take me to a movie and a dinner at Frans- a restaurant on St. Clair Ave. near Yonge in Toronto. I could order the Shrimp Cocktail! Reading my horoscope and knowing who else was born on the day! Well my son-in-law Domi for sure! Thinking about those who can not celebrate another one! Wondering what I will accomplish in the next year. Dreaming about traveling somewhere that's on my bucket list! Hoping I will be around next year to celebrate another one regardless of the number on the cake! Glad I am not obsessed with my weight and actually enjoy a piece of cake! Working on writing projects as it brings joy to my soul! Finding photo opportunities to fill my amateur photographer need! Deciding to worry  less about my future and to enjoy the present moments- eating well, exercising my body and my brain and embracing the wrinkles on my face as a sign of the Wise Woman! Birthdays just gotta love them!!!

JANUARY BIRTHDAYS

There are many birthdays in January. Apparently those born in the winter months have an advantage over other times of the year. Well for hockey players! Children are older when they start school. It would be interesting to do the real demographics on birthdays. Thinking about people in my life there are many other months that birthdays occur. Of course my birthday is in January and honestly I have never felt I had an advantage at anything! What are your thoughts? What is the best birthday month? I know-the one in which you were born!



NEWSPAPER READING-ONE OF LIFE'S PLEASURES

In my busy work life there is not always time to peruse the local newspapers. In the Greater Toronto Area there are 4 papers- The Toronto Star, The Toronto Sun, The National Post and The Globe and Mail. One of my pleasures when I have the time is to sit and peruse all the local papers. The ones I have missed during the week are also given a read! Different articles may catch my eye. The synopsis of a new study gives some new learning. I like to jot notes as I read as well as write out words. I actually came up with some post ideas from my reading. Yes it is possible to get breaking news online and to watch the news on TV but there is something very real about looking through a newspaper and finding articles that are inviting. The best sellers, craft ideas, different viewpoints on a current event and just the sundry and positive items to gain some new knowledge. It was a good venture as it helps to jolt the senses to bring some new and fresh ideas to this blog. Sundays or vacation days or babysitting the grandchildren when they are asleep are opportune times to search the newspapers for interesting reflections. Do you like to read the newspaper in your area? Daily? Weekly? Does it meet a different need than reading online? There is the smell of the paper that makes it worthwhile. Of course, you may get some newsprint on your fingers!

A BLAST OF COLD IN CANADA

Winter is fickle. Parts of Canada can be under 2 feet of snow while other parts have a thaw and a brief warm spell. Then the blast of cold returns and everyone complains it is so cold. Well that's winter in the big city! I prefer snow on the ground and cold weather until March then just go away. I really do not like the ups and downs! Just stay cold- stay like winter! A snowstorm or two but not a blizzard- enough snow for the skiers and toboganners and those who love to snow board. Let the resorts make a decent winter profit. Let the roads be clear so maybe the photographers can obtain some beautiful winter photos! Oh winter- got to love it or hate it!

ARE YOU EVER FED UP WITH AREAS OF YOUR LIFE?

Are you someone who tries to make things work? Do you bend over backwards to try to sort out issues around you- at home, at work, at play? Are you the good friend that listens but does not have the courtesy reciprocated? Do you feel sometimes like you have hit the wall? So what do you do? How do you squash the feeling of " I am fed up with everything"? What strategies come to mind? One of my strategies is to retreat and think about the circumstances. To work on positive projects. Perhaps, to vent in ways with a trusted colleague or to review what has brought this feeling. Good physical exercise to burn off steam! If nothing else works, go to a high mountain side and scream!!!!

NANA SAYS DON'T HESITATE WHEN CHILDREN ARE SICK

Winter months are a bad time for colds, viruses and this year a terrible flu. Sometimes parents do not want to bother to take a little one to the doctor. They don't want to be told " it is only a cold!" Don't hesitate if you think you want your child checked. Many ailments start with a fever, coughing, vomiting and yes can be something that will pass. But there are family doctors, walk-in clinics and emergency rooms at hospitals! I always tell a parent if you are concerned then go to a health professional for piece of mine and have the little one examined. A sore throat can be strep and you want the antibiotics! Remember a little one can spike a fever faster than the adults! As the parents, you use your judgement and do what is best for your family and yourselves.

JANUARY HOPES

January is a month of birthdays and events for many people. Resolutions for the New Year continue.
Beneath the snow lie the dormant spring bulbs kept warm from the Fall mulch. A last minute trip south to a warmer climate breaks up the winter for many Canadians. It is a hopeful time. Turn the winter blues into a time for planning and moving forward. Before we all know it, our January accomplishments will benefit our whole year.

THE AWARDS SEASON IS ON

With the Critic Choice and last night with the Golden Globes, the awards season for film and TV is well underway. The film Argo mentioned the Canadian embassy in Iran- nice shoutout for our country! Watching celebrities in fabulous clothes- even the dresses that get panned are fabulous- becomes a household tradition for many people. It is even more fun if some of the films were actually attended. Do you ever notice who people thank? Often the other actors, the crew, the director and the last thank you is a significant family member. So if you were to dream about being a nominee, what would you be nominated as- director, actor, executive producer? Would it be a film, documentary or the art design or musical score? Who would you thank for your sucess in your life? Every family member or childhood friend? Do you even care about receiving awards? We have provincial medals and last year- the Queen's Jublilee Medal! Is it fun to win something sometime in our lives? Do we need to win to feel like we accomplished ourselves in our field? What are your thoughts?

HUMOUR TELLS US ABOUT OURSELVES

In a clinical assessment, a sense of humour is an important indicator of mood. It is a strength. There is no joking around when discussing serious illness initially. When a relationship is established relaxing and sharing a joke with laughing  brings depth to the situation. A tense meeting or dinner party can benefit from some laughter! Depressed people do not laugh! A good marriage needs jovial times! Even some comments made on my blog show the sense of humour of the individuals! Being able to take a joke and laugh at ourselves allows for constructive criticism positively! Children laugh their heads off at times at the silliest things! It is why grandparents find them lots of fun! A reminder life is too short not to laugh occasionally- at least once daily! Different cultures laugh at different things! Men have their own jokes. Most women laugh at men's bad habits- if they want to remain sane!!There is a difference of making fun of someone and having a good chuckle. Put down sarcasm is not humour! So have you laughed today? Did you tell a good and tasteful joke? Do you laugh in your relationship? Do you put some fun in your day? I remember the Barrie tornado- one couple who had lost their home, put up a sign- Gone with the Wind! What an indicator they were going to get through their tremendous loss!!

WINTER WOES

Are you feeling the winter is beginning to drag? After the hoopla of the festive season, it is difficult to rally enthusiasm for many things or is it? Are there indoor shows or art galleries or museums needing your attention? Can you change your thinking to a winter wonderland? Or is a warm drink by a warm fire with a good book about all you can fathom?

NANA SAYS CHILDREN LOVE A BALLOON

With many celebrations, balloons can be present. It is always wise to watch the cheap ones as there are those horror stories where a child has choked on a balloon and died. The big latex ones that are attached to a bannister or anchored that can be seen and not used as a toy are good. It just makes the party fun to have a balloon and see how long the helium will last. We had an anniversary balloon that stayed in the front hall for over a month. The little ones loved to see it was still going strong. Of course a recent birthday had granpa sitting with all the children and his balloon! Great photo opportunity!

FAMILY OBLIGATIONS

As  parents age, grown children can resent the fact they may need to take some responsibility for their care. In my work, a patient comes through the hospital door and the family reactions can vary. Like or lump it their children and their parents needing their support and often time that can change everything. Little children get more empathy but older parents can be seen as a real burden or people needing love and support. Not every family is a happy one. Not every parent was a good one. Not every child is a good one either! Working through the family dynamics can be a challenge. Setting clear guidelines that a hospital deals with patient care and can not cure or change all the social issues prevailing. There is no rule book on what are the family obligations! Too bad as it would make the care concerns easier to handle!

THE LONG WORK WEEK

No more stat days for a month or so! To begin the 5 day weeks in winter is where creativity and endurance must prevail. It tires us out. Winter working with the stress of bad weather saps energy!  The darkness of winter nights invites an early bedtime or long sits on the couch watching TV. Pushing through these feelings to plan, organize, create and to use the idle winter nights in a positive manner allows a sense of accomplishment. January the beginning of a new year always puts some pressure to do something different! Why not just finish the many things started in the old year or to continue with the pleasurable activities? Of course weather watching becomes a fulltime activity with the fear of bad roads on the way to work! A good working furnace to keep us warm! Winter brings an added stress at a deeper level of our consciousness! Like the preparation for the winter of our lives! No wonder most of us like Spring better! Are you struggling with the long winter? Are you finding it difficult to energize and do needed tasks? What strategies work for you?

A POSTCARD FROM LA BEFANA

January 6- Ephiphany on the Christian calendar where Christians of Eastern Orthodox, Russian Orthodox and others celebrate Christmas. In my husband's home country- Italy, there is the legend of La Befana. The story goes that when the Magi- the three wisemen were lost they stopped at an old lady's house asking for directions to find the Christ Child. She was busy so did not go with them but then regretted her decision and forever after went searching for Jesus by visiting houses with children looking for him. Children in Italy put a stocking for La Befana by the fireplace or the door.She visits January 5 the night before Ephiphany. If they have been bad they get a lump of coal but if good some candies and other treats and presents! When our children were little, a local Italian banquet hall- Cassino Place- would have an annual Befana dinner/dance. It was fun to take the girls as well as my mother-in-law as it was another celebration for them. Of course I do not know where La Befana lives now and do not have a real postcard from her but I am certain she has probably made some "bambini" very happy today!

HEARTY WINTER SOUPS

As many people know my husband Adolph has a cooking/food blog. Of course, I type and take the photographs for it. It has been fun helping him with his posts. However, the best advantage is the smell of good food cooking and being able to enjoy his culinary delights. January- the month for soups! Soups are a good way to have some liquids, nutrition and to eat less calories! As much as I write about his cooking, he is sure appreciated in our family circle. One thing I have learnt, is watching someone cook and actually knowing what goes into the dish do not always coincide. When I draft a recipe for him, I have made mistakes as he tells me what has been left out of the recipe and the correct directions. It is like anthropology- observing a culture and knowing how to be from a culture are two different points of view!
So  the next time you enjoy some good food, thank the cook! I know I thank mine every day!

http://granpalovestocook.blogspot.com

THE WIND OF CHANGE

As the night winter wind was howling, disturbing my sleep, it was a reminder that life can be jostled by such events. A windy day! A hurricane force wind! A gentle breeze! Same system, just a different effect! Some winds more welcome than others, especially if one is a sailor with a big sailboat! In weather, winds do bring change. Nature does not like a vacuum so does not allow it. Do we also not like a vacuum and must fill our days with something?

PROJECTION-THAT SELF REVEALING DEFENSE MECHANISM

We all have ways to protect ourselves and our feelings. In the counselling process, helping the client to understand his/her own issues is a major part of the interaction. In daily life, with friends and colleagues listening and talking are different processes. However, it is easy to start to understand how others defend themselves. Projection abounds everywhere. How we talk and criticize others usually tells us a lot about ourselves. It is okay to dislike bad behaviour or criminals or con artists. The little criticisms we make about people are very revealing. "Her hair does not suit her- why do you care, it's her hair?" " I really would not want to be the manager- nobody likes you! So you don't like the manager" " She is always so critical of everyone! How critical are you?" " He thinks he is the biggest and most special person! Do you want to be that person?" There is one colleague who always tries to find the achilles heel with everyone- way of finding power! Powerless in the job but power in putting down others- in a joking way, of course! How often do you hear- you are just taking things too personally! What's the matter can't you take a joke? Or " that person is so unhappy in the job! " Is it the other person or the person who is talking that is really unhappy? If you put I in your conversations and take ownership of what you think or feel, then projection goes out the window. " I don't like critical people. I work hard at trying to stay neutral. I don't like myself when I am too critical." In our material world, there are lots of jealousies of how much money people make and what car they drive and how big their house is and the list could go on!! Projection can appear in these conversations all the time. " Most rich people are really unhappy and make terrible parents!" Usually the person talking would not admit, he/she wants to have all those things and more. Why not admit it? Why- it is easier to pretend that the person talking has it all together! " I have no faults but everyone else does!" Those faults you describe in others may be your very own!

NANA SAYS LEARINING TO SKATE IS A CANADIAN TRADITION

Remembering my childhood when I learnt to skate on a little patch of ice on a driveway at a local school around 3 years of age, watching my grandchildren acquiring the skill is a happy moment. The important aspect  is balance which means the little one can stand on the skates. Skating is such a Canadian thing to do! Not everyone will become a hockey player-although street hockey and fun games occur everywhere- or a figure skater, it is a fun activity for all the family. Indoor and outdoor rinks are scattered across the country along with ponds and river surfaces. The Rideau Canal in Ottawa is the famous one. Locally we have the Mill Pond which freezes over in the winter attracting children of all ages. Since one of the grown children have a rink in the backyard, maybe even this old kid will don skates again and have a go!!

2013 IN WITH THE NEW

Each January 1 brings hope of a good and successful New Year! Looking forward rather than looking backward! A new calendar on the desk or the wall with a total clean slate for the year ahead! Putting away Christmas items cleans up the house. Returning to those unfinished projects and picking up those books to read during the winter months. The days are really starting to get longer again as the Sun  returns to us. For me there is not much new but renew! No resolutions- just continue with my goals! Write! Photograph! Exercise! Healthy eating! Read! Craft! Knit! Crochet! Sew! Play! Love! Connect! Travel! Explore! And yes- work- at home and work! What about you? Any resolutions? Or just continue as is? Are you finding new activities or renewing?