NANA SAYS SUPPORT YOUNGER MOTHERS

It never ceases to amaze me that the old concepts and conversations continue to happen. Women continue to be judged as mothers by how clean their house may be. Housekeeping and mothering are not the same. If anything I become very concerned if the house becomes more of a priority than spending time and love with children. I had a case years ago where the mother was more concerned her teenage daughter who was having difficulties at school did not keep the taps shined and polished in the bathroom. "It's my house and the children will do things my way!" Yes cleanliness and being organized are good qualities. Garbage out, healthy food, activity etc. If art is being done for example, things can get messy. So! Have an area in the home where such activities can occur and shut the door. Many young couples use the basement as a playground and playroom! Have areas that must stay neat! But to judge a mother by how clean or polished the home looks does not make sense. Fathers are not judged for how neat the lawn has been cut if they are doing the job. Lots of busy working couples use landscaping services anyway.  Let's get back to being judged. Why are some women other women's worst enemies? Perhaps being an older woman and someone who has done the journey, stop judging and start supporting younger mothers! Simple, isn't it?

WRITE THE CANADIAN TROOPS 2015

Not only attending Remembrance Day services, it is a time of year to think about our Armed Forces serving in various parts of the world and Canada. My tradition is to write a fun Christmas letter to send to the men and women serving. Since I do not know one personally it must be addressed Any Canadian Armed Forces Member. No parcels- just letters or postcards. So on red or green paper with a little Christmas sticker or two the composed one page letters are printed. Folded and addressed with some tape to keep them closed but allowing for the Belleville post office to have a peak to see it is just a letter. Addressed 17 last night so will be in the mail today. I used to send some small parcels but after September 11th it was not allowed- just notes from non-family. You can find the addresses in the National Defence website or just use the email address to send Morale Mail to the troops. Some years I may get a response from someone. I have a binder with my special letters. Maybe one day I will share some of those poignant responses. I never know if my little letter touches anyone. I hope along with school children and others the various locations fill a wall with such letters, notes and Christmas cards. So like a garden each flower adds to the overall appearance. Letting people know we are thinking of them, especially those serving away from home at Christmas is such an easy, small gesture out of the busy Christmas planning. I have been doing this since 1991!! Supporting our troops is such a Canadian thing to do, eh!

ARE YOU A SUPPORTIVE PERSON?

Being supportive comes in many packages. Sometimes emotional! Sometimes a good meal for a work night. Sometimes some babysitting for tired working parents. A listening ear with no advice- just listening. Giving support unconditionally takes lots of restraint. Sometimes seeing a solution before the other person gets it means hanging back. Being there in the moment. Being available. The supportive person can feel drained too. Seeing someone you love so stressed is never easy. But knowing that the support offered helps the situation incredibly! Like the stone thrown in the water. One never knows what the ripples will accomplish or where they will lead. Support to family, team at work, friends, acquaintances and even the clerk at the store make the world a better place. Not a pushover but a supportive person! So are you a supportive person? What does it mean to you to be supportive? What are some of the things you do for others? What have others done for you?

BRING POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION INTO AWARENESS

Postpartum depression is not discussed nor identified as much as it can be. Having a baby is an exciting time for new parents and family. Sure most mothers have some baby blues. This is not what needs to considered. The statistics vary but in Canada it is stated about 30% of new mothers can have depression while a very small percentage may evolve into psychosis. Do we need more high profile cases such as the recent incident in Washington where the young mother tried to ram a barrier and was killed? So what can the average family member do? Be aware! Be supportive! If you think a loved one may have depression, the first line of defense is to go to the family doctor for an assessment. Not everyone may need a psychiatrist. Medication may be needed. More importantly support is needed. The change in the hormones, the lack of sleep and the demands of breastfeeding do make for the possibility of depression. However, remember it is physiological and not the fault of the Mommy! Too often new Mommies can be blamed for not being tough enough! If that attitude prevails the new Mom may decide not to tell anyone how she is feeling. Talk to other women! Years later many women may admit they had depression but could not tell anyone! Hospital Social Workers dealing with Mommies and Babies are aware to look for potential depression. Sometimes it is identified! But most Moms go home after 24 hours and it is hard to assess everyone. Mommies in the NICU give staff more time to get to know them and can talk about it in the first conversations! Statements like- postpartum depression can occur so if you are feeling lethargic, trouble sleeping and can not do your normal activities, let us know. Breast feeding is more difficult for the NICU Moms and a sign can be that it is not attempted whole heartedly! Might not be lack of motivation but depression!  Why target Mommies in the NICU? The literature tells us they are at higher risk of depression. So if we put it out there and simply normalize it then it makes it easier to be discussed and treated. Could there still be a stigma attached to depression? You bet! Let's take the stigma away and assist people with depression that is a disease like any other disease!  Remember all new Mommies need love and support whether it is a first or fifth baby! Where are the Daddies in all of this debate? Dads should be encouraged to keep a close eye on their wives. Yes, the stress of a new baby in the family is huge. However, Dads can be the ones to make sure the Moms get all the support they need. Other supportive women in the family can assist too! Not the know it all ones who try to belittle a Mommy that may be struggling with depression! There are cases over the years that have made headlines! Let's work really hard to give women the support they need! Remember if we take care of Mommy, Mommy can take care of baby!

FAMILY OBLIGATIONS

As  parents age, grown children can resent the fact they may need to take some responsibility for their care. In my work, a patient comes through the hospital door and the family reactions can vary. Like or lump it their children and their parents needing their support and often time that can change everything. Little children get more empathy but older parents can be seen as a real burden or people needing love and support. Not every family is a happy one. Not every parent was a good one. Not every child is a good one either! Working through the family dynamics can be a challenge. Setting clear guidelines that a hospital deals with patient care and can not cure or change all the social issues prevailing. There is no rule book on what are the family obligations! Too bad as it would make the care concerns easier to handle!

THE SUPPORT TEAM

In every workplace, family, home there needs to be a support team to help get the job done. Doing your own job then some- makes for a fuller life. Taking the time to look around you to determine if someone needs a helping hand. Being the one that usually does not say no but knows when to say no allows others to know they have someone to use as backup. At work the social workers cover for each other when they are away. At home as a couple, we are a solid team helping each other with chores and errands. In the family system, dinners and babysitting help out the modern stressed parents in our lives. As I look down the road, I will be the one someday that will need to use the support team. Aging will bring slowing down, needing a ride and even help with the normal activities of daily life. But not today! Lots of energy to give a cheer and to get going with the tasks at hand! How about you? Do you support the people around you in positive ways? Are you happy to know you are needed?

DEPRESSION-LET'S TALK

Is a theme day sponsored by BELL CANADA to talk about Mental Health and focus on Depression. Individuals experiencing depression often are misunderstood. It is a real illness that needs treatment and support. We all can experience situational depression that can be related to particular events in our lives. Once we move through those times, our lives will return to our normal. People with clinical depression have a lifetime of the illness. It can cost people a job, a marriage and sometimes a life. For those experiencing depression, seek the help you need. For families with a loved one, reach out to support that person as well as get support for yourselves. Are you experiencing some form of depression today? Do you need to know who to call?