PROJECTION-THAT SELF REVEALING DEFENSE MECHANISM

We all have ways to protect ourselves and our feelings. In the counselling process, helping the client to understand his/her own issues is a major part of the interaction. In daily life, with friends and colleagues listening and talking are different processes. However, it is easy to start to understand how others defend themselves. Projection abounds everywhere. How we talk and criticize others usually tells us a lot about ourselves. It is okay to dislike bad behaviour or criminals or con artists. The little criticisms we make about people are very revealing. "Her hair does not suit her- why do you care, it's her hair?" " I really would not want to be the manager- nobody likes you! So you don't like the manager" " She is always so critical of everyone! How critical are you?" " He thinks he is the biggest and most special person! Do you want to be that person?" There is one colleague who always tries to find the achilles heel with everyone- way of finding power! Powerless in the job but power in putting down others- in a joking way, of course! How often do you hear- you are just taking things too personally! What's the matter can't you take a joke? Or " that person is so unhappy in the job! " Is it the other person or the person who is talking that is really unhappy? If you put I in your conversations and take ownership of what you think or feel, then projection goes out the window. " I don't like critical people. I work hard at trying to stay neutral. I don't like myself when I am too critical." In our material world, there are lots of jealousies of how much money people make and what car they drive and how big their house is and the list could go on!! Projection can appear in these conversations all the time. " Most rich people are really unhappy and make terrible parents!" Usually the person talking would not admit, he/she wants to have all those things and more. Why not admit it? Why- it is easier to pretend that the person talking has it all together! " I have no faults but everyone else does!" Those faults you describe in others may be your very own!

PROJECTION-THAT LITTLE DEFENSE MECHANISM

We all like to feel we have something different than other people. Criticizing others must make us stop and analyse what we are saying. In life it is too easy to project all our faults on others. Projection is such a defense mechanism. Remember if you are pointing a finger at someone- three fingers are pointing back at you! Extreme thinking- religious zeal- racial slurring are times to look at the situation and ask what is that person hiding! Shakespere said it best- I think you doeth protest too much! Do you recognize such feelings? Do you see them in others? How do you deal with the situation?