POWER MEANS WARMTH-MORE THOUGHTS ON THE ICE STORM 2013

Do you have power? We often think of power as the ability to control our lives. But lately in Ontario, Quebec and New Brunswick it means electricity, hydro or "power". The Ice Storm has brought so much disruption to people's lives. Trying to stay in a cold house or apartment for days has been a test of strength. Some people succumbed and went to a hotel. Forget the warming centers set up! My daughter said not to treat someone like a "homeless person". Not shelters really so there is a difference. We were lucky. Only one daughter had no power for 1/2 day last Sunday. Many people in our area are still without electricity and spent Christmas day in jackets and hats opening presents. We are told to prepare for disasters with water, flashlights, a generator and other non-perishables-make sure to have a can opener. No one really tells people how to prepare emotionally! It does take a toll emotionally no matter how invincible everyone thinks they may be. Luckily many of our gadgets can be wireless or use batteries! But still trying to read a cell phone by candlelight wears after a few days. Not being able to flip the stations on the TV. One piece of advice I heard was to get a wood burning stove-sure on the 15th floor of an apartment building in downtown Toronto that would really work. Those unaffected have those gems of advice. When a disaster happens, advice can be great. However, no matter how prepared we think we may be, when there is destruction it is unbearable. Going down streets locally and seeing tree branches everywhere and the tops of trees with "spikes" where the branches have been is a little unnerving. Seeing your street differently! Like in tornados when whole subdivisions are taken out! All the preparation honestly does very little. I usually walk around my house when there is a warning with my purse over my arm and my camera. I figure I have my ID and insurance information if needed. Oh yes if the power goes out and everything is intact that is different. A few hours, a few days we do survive. Do we learn some priorities in our lives? Yes making sure the people we love are safe. Bringing friends and family into our homes for meals, warmth and a hot bath. Anger does set in. Why does one area have heat and others do not? Angry at the mayor, the utilities, the services and even God-why can't you work faster! Even knowing that it may be one tree branch cut at a time and one wire reattached at a time that well takes time sees a person thinking it is not enough when they are cold! It really is the darkest before the dawn. To those hanging in there, the power will return. To us lucky ones, inviting others has become a new norm! Sharing has a new meaning- warmth in a cold season! Do you think anyone will ever complain again if there is a power outage in the summer of being too hot??? We'll see!!!

PROJECTION-THAT SELF REVEALING DEFENSE MECHANISM

We all have ways to protect ourselves and our feelings. In the counselling process, helping the client to understand his/her own issues is a major part of the interaction. In daily life, with friends and colleagues listening and talking are different processes. However, it is easy to start to understand how others defend themselves. Projection abounds everywhere. How we talk and criticize others usually tells us a lot about ourselves. It is okay to dislike bad behaviour or criminals or con artists. The little criticisms we make about people are very revealing. "Her hair does not suit her- why do you care, it's her hair?" " I really would not want to be the manager- nobody likes you! So you don't like the manager" " She is always so critical of everyone! How critical are you?" " He thinks he is the biggest and most special person! Do you want to be that person?" There is one colleague who always tries to find the achilles heel with everyone- way of finding power! Powerless in the job but power in putting down others- in a joking way, of course! How often do you hear- you are just taking things too personally! What's the matter can't you take a joke? Or " that person is so unhappy in the job! " Is it the other person or the person who is talking that is really unhappy? If you put I in your conversations and take ownership of what you think or feel, then projection goes out the window. " I don't like critical people. I work hard at trying to stay neutral. I don't like myself when I am too critical." In our material world, there are lots of jealousies of how much money people make and what car they drive and how big their house is and the list could go on!! Projection can appear in these conversations all the time. " Most rich people are really unhappy and make terrible parents!" Usually the person talking would not admit, he/she wants to have all those things and more. Why not admit it? Why- it is easier to pretend that the person talking has it all together! " I have no faults but everyone else does!" Those faults you describe in others may be your very own!