DENIAL-THAT POWERFUL DEFENSE MECHANISM

Is a wonderful way to avoid the inevitable. In a crisis situation, it can be debilitating, however. Facing a reality in front of us is painful and soul searching. Aging, the critical illness of a loved one, worried a new baby may have special needs, relationship going sour- can all be kept in check by denying there is a problem. Why do people need to deny? Is the pain just too much to face what is happening? Yes and no. It is self-protective. What do you do when someone is in denial? Listen! Support! It is the other person's process. That person must reach the end of the journey when ready and emotionally able. My recent journey with the end of my mother's life was such an example. Each of us saw the situation differently. Denial is a powerful defense mechanism. In my clinical work, recognizing and facilitating a family through a process can take great skill and patience. I sat at a death bed years ago with a daughter and when asking her how her mother looked, she clearly said she would get better. She died that night. She could not see what everyone else knew to be happening. Denial. If someone around you needs to be in denial, be kind, be patient. Ask the relevant questions. What do you think is happening? What is your worst fear? How can I help you? If you know the person well- bring favourite food, flowers, a book. Being there for the person is the best support. If you are struggling with a situation, write me at abdm@rogers.com or put a comment here so we can dialogue about your situation.