DON'T LOOK TOO FAR DOWN THE ROAD

Planning is good. But when faced with critical illness, one of the statements I use with patients is- don't look too far down the road. Often the question can be- how long do I have? Suggestions- put your affairs in order, follow the treatment plan, do the things you want to do! Actually for all of us to live each day to its fullest! Take care of the little things and the big things take care of themselves! Pushing ourselves to get things done! Some procrastination can be okay but letting too many areas of our lives lag can often bring anxiety! Daily simple goals- pay the bill, clean the closet, fold the laundry, hug our loved ones, finish that book- can keep us going! Of course, our routines help all of us to stay focussed and think about everything that must be done! So are you looking too far down the road! Do you need to stop and enjoy today?

NANA SAYS HELPING CHILDREN DEAL WITH CRITICAL ISSUES IS TOUGH

It is emotional enough for adults to deal with stressful and life threatening situations. Knowing how to support and deal with the feelings of our little children becomes tough. Death means different things to children of different ages. Including them in the process, takes careful judgement on the part of parents. There is a lot of literature helping with strategies and considerations for parents- use these resources and then think about who your child is and what would be best. Parents know their own children better than anyone else. Remember there is no right or wrong answer on what to do! Just have the courage to do what you think is best!  Having children visit sick family members is important. Involving them in the process if only for a short time helps the sick person as well as allowing the child to know they did something. A beautiful handmade card! Some flowers! A box of chocolates! Or sometimes just a High Five from a grandson! Or better yet a hug and a kiss!

DENIAL-THAT POWERFUL DEFENSE MECHANISM

Is a wonderful way to avoid the inevitable. In a crisis situation, it can be debilitating, however. Facing a reality in front of us is painful and soul searching. Aging, the critical illness of a loved one, worried a new baby may have special needs, relationship going sour- can all be kept in check by denying there is a problem. Why do people need to deny? Is the pain just too much to face what is happening? Yes and no. It is self-protective. What do you do when someone is in denial? Listen! Support! It is the other person's process. That person must reach the end of the journey when ready and emotionally able. My recent journey with the end of my mother's life was such an example. Each of us saw the situation differently. Denial is a powerful defense mechanism. In my clinical work, recognizing and facilitating a family through a process can take great skill and patience. I sat at a death bed years ago with a daughter and when asking her how her mother looked, she clearly said she would get better. She died that night. She could not see what everyone else knew to be happening. Denial. If someone around you needs to be in denial, be kind, be patient. Ask the relevant questions. What do you think is happening? What is your worst fear? How can I help you? If you know the person well- bring favourite food, flowers, a book. Being there for the person is the best support. If you are struggling with a situation, write me at abdm@rogers.com or put a comment here so we can dialogue about your situation.

DON'T LOOK TOO FAR DOWN THE ROAD

Are you facing a crisis in your life? Are there unanswered questions?

When I work with people facing a new critical illness diagnosis, trying to get pregnant, newly divorced or loss of a loved one, the therapeutic answer I usually give is " don't look too far down the road!" Thinking and trying to solve everything too soon can be overwhelming. This feeling can lead to extreme anxiety. It can immobilize! So stop and take a breath- what can you do today! Feel today! The journey will present itself slowly! As we all walk, run, ride, bike, fly on our life's road needed answers will come to us!