THE PHOTO ALBUM

Everyone has a photo album. Most of us have dozens. The wedding album, his side before marriage,your side before marriage, the children, the school years, the travel ablums and our voyage into photo books.

We have our favourites. They become our cherished possessions. Pictures are captured in a moment to last a lifetime. Our loved ones are shown in happy times. One more picture before everyone goes!

Do you ever notice how the themes are so similar? Group family shots, blowing out the birthday candles, children ripping open their presents, travel photos of Buckingham Palace or the Great Pyramids and someone standing beside them. If we peeked into others' photo albums, we would see the similarities.

Photos can be used in family therapy. Just ask for 5 pictures from a recent event and the problems can be identified. Who is on the edge of the group? Who is not in the picture? Let me take your picture and in an instant your head, body moves toward the person, a hug happens simultaneously. Who says no and runs away?

One of my favourite photos occurred while visiting a cemetery on one of my genealogical jaunts. While taking a picture of my great-great grandfather's tombstone in Goodwood, Ontario, my daughter was behind it looking back at the tombstone. Unplanned. The camera seized a moment. What a wonderful family history moment! A great granddaughter at one with an ancestor!

We learn about the photographer through the photos. Lots, few, group shots, scenes, favourite items.

Pictures tell a story. The church above- a wedding about to happen, people arriving, a country setting, must be summer with the brown grass and green trees.

What are your favourite photos? Do you love pictures? Do they come out of the album and get framed on the wall?

EVERYONE HAS A STORY

Life is an accumulation of stories. Each stage and phase has a beginning, middle, end and on to the next beginning. The baby year, the toddler year, preschool, age with one digit, the teens years, the 20's, dating years, marriage, empty nest, middle age, old age. All our stories bring us to where we are today. People come and go in our lives. When we meet someone new, a decision is made about how much of our story we will tell. Stories have layers. Often we may chose to share the top layer. Some stories are too painful to tell all. Some stories belong in a box, well contained. Some stories we frame and put on our walls for all to see.

Do you have stories you love to share? Are there some that are too painful? What is your favourite story about yourself? Your family story?

What story does the old farm equipment picture bring? Times gone by? Early 1900's? If it could, what story would it tell?

TIME TO GET OUT

Not every relationship, marriage, partnership is a good one. Sometimes people just grow apart and leave amicably. Sadly, there are some that are suffering abuse at the hand of a partner, spouse, friend. It takes courage and strength to leave a bad situation. It takes courage to start over-especially if there are children involved. Do you know someone who needs your support through a difficult time? Guide to the appropriate services and professionals. Just be there for the person. Help get them to safety. Reassure life will move on. Here's to those I have known who had the courage to move on. May I be available to someone who may need a helping hand. Will you be available?

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

In our hurried lives that can be filled with stress and the daily activities that stretch and pull us, it is wise to stop and "count your blessings". There are songs, movies and books that often play this theme. For me, just the fact I have made it to 60. So many people I have known have passed away in their 40's, 50's. My husband, children, grandchildren, family, friends. My ability to keep going when "the going gets tough." I have a purpose to get up every day and try to achieve some worthwhile goals which always include to do at least one kindness to a stranger. In Italian, sunflower means gira a sole- turn to the sun. If we use our blessings well, we too can turn to the sun for warmth, strength, inspiration and find solace-our blessings.

In your life what are your blessings? How there been times you struggle to feel blessed?

FRIENDS

In our lifetime we have the joy of making friends-new, old and in between. They know our history and is often said, love us anyway. No explanation when they're needed, just listen, know what we need. When a friend dies, the loss can be so overwhelming. Not replacable. New work buddies, vacation mates, will come into our lives. I am a good friend. I like to be there for others. I like to know I can be trusted and feel honoured when I am empowered with that trust. Sometimes we are lucky meeting someone new and it is as if we have known that person all our lives. There are people I wish were here today. I really miss them- their voice, their thoughfulness, their friendship. Is there a friend you are missing today? Has someone given you the friendship you need? Are you a good friend? What would our lives be without the friends who have crossed our paths?

LIMBO

And I do not mean the dance. Limbo is the time when you are waiting for something and the outcome is undetermined. Between jobs, waiting for the phone to ring and not sure if you want that position from your last interview. A loved one is sick and could get better or worse. Afraid to get too hopeful or excited. You're in limbo! Don't feel mad or glad! Limbo.

It is a neutral place to be. Which way do you turn? No control over the outcome. Just wait it out. Have there been times in your life that you feel as if you are in limbo? Waiting for an end so you can move on to the next event! The stress of waiting and not knowing plays havoc on your health-mental and physical as well as your soul. How have you coped with the feeling the other shoe will drop! Will it be for the better or worse? Limbo.

HE MAKES ME LAUGH

Marriage can have a high survival rate when there is not only love but laughter. During our 25th wedding anniversary trip to Italy in 1996, we planned to stay in Rome enjoying all the sites visited previously and seeing new ones. This story is one of the funniest from that beloved holiday.
Adolph's cousin Lillina who lives and works in Rome, booked a small hotel away from the city center through a friend for a reasonable rate. We checked in at night since we had spent our first day in Adolph's hometown of Cassino, most of the second day with Lillina, dinner at her place then to the hotel.
As his usual holiday habit, Adolph rose at 5:00 a.m., left the hotel to explore the neighbourhood and to bring coffee, buns and juice back for me. I rushed to get up at 6:00 a.m., washed, dressed, then spent time organizing the room. By 7:30 a.m. I started to question where he might be.
Shortly afterwards, he appeared looking worried with no buns and a half cup of coffee. "I got lost", he said.
He told me of his tale. He went to Piazza Unghiere-piazzas usually have many streets that converge together. He bought the coffee, juice, powdered buns for us, started to eat and drink not noticing he was taking the wrong street to return to our hotel-Porpora Villas. He walked down one street then another, eating, drinking, spilling juice, and some of the powdered sugar on his top.
Finally deciding to ask a Bar Owner- bar in Italy usually is a coffee shop- for some directions. In Italian he stated, "I can't find my hotel." The man said "okay!" What is the name of your hotel?"" Well I don't know" says Adolph. "Okay!" " What is the name of the street for your hotel?" Adolph replied again, " I don't know!"
The man surveyed him with his arms full of half-eaten goodies, food spills on his clothes, looking a little disheveled. " You don't know the name of the Hotel. You don't know the name of the street. Are you sure your hotel isn't that Clinic across the street!"

Travel brings so many opportunities for life long memories. We still laugh together about not only this story but others from trips shared.
What are your favourite travel stories? Is there a destination you would love to visit again?

NOTHING VENTURED, WELL NOTHING GAINED

On my shelf sits a binder with that title. So many times when I have had an idea and have been hesitant to take the risk to take it forward, I repeat Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained. My binder contains many ideas that went nowhere but it reminds me to take the chance. The doll contest that I make the heart doll- did not win but made the doll. When we created our new garden with the 50 boulders from a construction job, replacing all the grass with paths and gardens, thought it was a great idea for gardening magazines- sent in the idea and pictures to several magazines-nope they had a look but were not interested. Well the list goes on. For me this blog was a new venture and the feedback has been positive. So many times in life we can talk ourselves out of just trying something. It can be the negative people around us who put down an idea. Then someone important said there is never a stupid idea- wow that's how post its came to be. What is stopping you from trying something new or recycling an old idea you had? Are you willing to risk even in a small way? Suggestion - gravitate to those who give you energy and away from those who sap your energy. Ready? Just try that idea that you have sitting on your shelf.

THE THINGS WE LOVE

Recently people in my life have had to move. Moving brings many mixed emotions and the need to declutter, give away, picking what might be needed. Deciding what is a keeper and what needs to go will take longer than anticipated. So many memories. Your grown child's toys, the first holiday souvenirs, the furniture purchased when money was tight. Whether we admit it, we have such emotional attachments to the things we own. At the extreme end are the hoarders, who keep junk and boxes of it. Actually a houseful! Just a typical home lived in for 20 years will have too much to move to the next place. What does someone say when there has been any disaster? It's not the value of the items but the sentiment it holds. What would we do without our pictures? Our favourite clothes? The books? The tools? Dishes from our grandmother? Dad's car in the garage that needs fixing. The things we own can shape us. Have we changed from the hunters and gatherers?

FAITH, HOPE AND LOVE

The greatest we are told is love. Often in my work the greatest is hope. When families are going through a difficult situation, the phrase " hope for the best, but prepare for the worst" is a way to put things in perspective. No matter how bad it looks, never give up hope.

Hope allows us to continue. Hope keeps us positive when we

want to give up. It can be said it is not realistic. But a grave

situation sometimes turns around. Hope.

Have there been times in your life that hope was your friend?

THOSE LISTS WE MAKE

Our lives become organized as we mark in our calendars the coming events. We make so many lists- grocery lists, the plans and items for a party, the Christmas list-presents and cards, the birthday list, the wedding guest list- the things to do for a wedding, the party list. How would we manage without our lists? Recently in a correspondence email to a friend, I mention the Bucket List. Since that sweet movie, it has become a list in my life. I now have 23 items on my Bucket list. It is really what dreams are made of- the things we dream to do. But do you know how dreams come to be? Take the first step. Write a poem-pen to paper. Take a picture-camera and focus and click. Learn to dance-turn on the music. Visit that place you want to see-start saving for the trip. Living a daily life means we need to do the routine, make a list, plan, keep focussed, run those errands. The Bucket List vs the To Do List-both are needed but do not forget your dreams.
So what's on your Bucket list? What are your dreams? If you could? What would it be?

GENEALOGY-LOVE OF FAMILY

One of my passions for many years has been the research and pursuit of my own family history, otherwise known as genealogy. With the computer age, researching has become
a more enjoyable process. Instead of sitting in front of a microfiche machine at the library to review census tracts for hours and maybe finding one significant piece of information, for example, one can search many names on the automated services and make connections. Cousin lines become less cumbersome to complete. There are still errors like spelling mistakes in the documents as hand writing from original documents can be difficult to decipher. Relevant texts can be found in the appropriate library by online catalogues so there are not wasted trips trying to find books. What has not changed is the connecting the dots, really the detective work, by methodically going through each generation. Friends are made with others searching the same names. "I share with you and you share with me is the genealogical code." Always give credit where credit is due. Sometimes I can find myself lost in a different time when I am busy researching, writing, trying to figure out another possible way of finding some information on that great-great-great-great grandmother.
Our interests can shape us, offer stress release- even be therapeutic and sometimes provide an opportunity for a second job. Genealogy will be one of my recurring theme here.
What are your interests? Do you have a passion for something that brings satisfaction to you?
Do you blend your interests together?

THOSE ORDINARY MOMENTS

How many times in our lives do we almost miss the moments that make memories? Our daily coffee. The quick kiss goodbye. Stopping to smell the roses- a cliche that triggers something in all of us. Today I was lucky to chase two two year olds around-my grandsons. Making a mess, dropping their food, making bubbles. Last night Adolph and I heard a bird singing and tried to find it- we did- our little Gold Finch chirping away in the tree. Before I shut my curtains , I stopped to look at the sunset. In our hurried lives we can rush around looking for something that is right in front of us. What do you see when you look at the picture? Can you hear the loon singing? Is there a motor boat around the corner returning from a fishing trip? Isn't it a typical Canadian scene from anywhere? Ordinary picture. Ordinary moment. What are some of your best ordinary moments?

THE WISDOM OF GRANDPARENTS

Some wise person said- grandchildren are the reason we had children. To be able to experience the joy of a new baby again, watch a toddler touch everything in its path, marvel at the language development between one year and two years and it just goes on, has been a blessing in my life.
To see my children and spouses blossom into parenthood with such love continues to amaze me. With it comes the awareness of how much experience grandparents have that can be tapped by the new generation of parents. My children have asked for guidance- it has been given but with the understanding I am the grandparent and not the parent. Knowing the different phases and stages will pass and each child will move to the next one, brings patience. The first time I was called Nana was so moving for me.
Are you a grandparent? What have you learnt about yourself? Do you have thoughts to share about your grandchildren? I hope to use grandparenting as one of my recurrent themes. So feel free to share or suggest ideas. In my career, there have been times I have conducted family therapy sessions, so can work with many problem situations you may be experiencing or guide you to the relevant resource. Or you may just want to tell a whimsical story!

The State of Marriage

I was asked by a young colleague who was about to enter the state of Matrimony in May about one week after my 39th anniversary about marriage. She wanted to know how someone stays married for over 39 years.
I thought briefly as I had considered this question many times.
Well I stated you love someone through all the times not just the good times.
Then I continued to ponder the question. Anyone can love when there is enough money and things are fine. The true test of love and commitment is to love for better and for worse.
Marriage is really a roller coaster ride of life. There are always phases and stages that can bring conflict, heart ache and the need to reach deep inside and just hang in there. Times when you feel good, happy, content.
Your spouse may be going through his own difficulty and you need to take a step back and not consider everything so personal. Your strength, your ability to love and support are so needed. Then there are times you may need the extra support for your trials of life.
The strength of character of the marriage comes from the ability to get up and stay up and keep going when you do not feel like it. Get out of bed, put on a friendly smile, go about your day making things happen.
A good marriage is like a bottle of wine. You may not get the best vintage but you open the bottle, smell the cork, sniff the glass, look at the colour, take a sip and drink it anyway or you can send back the bottle, hoping you will get a better one next time.
How is your marriage? Are there times you struggle? Have you found strength by persevering? Have you tried things to improve your marriage?

A NEW NORMAL

Normal can be boring until something changes in our life when we crave for normal.
During a recent sleepover with my granddaughter at my house, we had fun counting the number of airplanes that go over the house on the route to Pearson Airport- the red eyes from the west from 6 a.m. to 8 a.m., the afternoon flights from Europe mid-afternoon to the south and more airplanes from the west, south last afternoon and into the evening.Helped her counting and learning to pay attention to the world around us. I love the sound of the planes going over my house. Why? After that fateful day September 11, 2001 when the whole aviation system in North America shut down, it became very eery with no sound of planes for the days following it. I recall the day when I was putting out the garbage and the first plane flew over the house as the aviation system was booting up, saying to myself things are back to normal. It was a new normal. The sound of planes gearing down to land miles away are a certain music to my ears now. What might be your new normal? What normal things bring music to your ears? What would you miss if it changed?

FENCES MAKE GOOD NEIGHBOURS

Like fences setting boundaries in our lives can help keep our privacy.
Everyone has their own yard and way of doing things. I try to keep boundaries between work and home. Learning at a younger age that sharing too much with the world can bring personal harm. How many times how you shared with a work colleague issues that were personal and next you hear in the middle of a public situation something that is personal?
Put up a fence but one you can talk over and share what, when and to whom you want.
My personal code is keep private and confidential what work mates tell me. Then I can not be the one that breaks that confidence.

#fences#fencesgiveprivacy#fencesgiveusboundaries#fenceshelpwithkeepingusconfidential#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro

STAGING

Recently with all the increase in the housing market, the new buzz word was to stage your house. Take out all the clutter, old furniture, make an old home as if no one lived there, no pictures on the wall. How often in our lives do we have to stage and not be real. Think of the job interview- best clothes, no crossed arms or legs, act as if every question the interviewer asks is amazing. I do believe it is kinder to be nice to people. Speak your mind sometimes but not always. Act as if you are having a good time at that party, that wedding, that function. Acting-staging-is it real.

My first attempt

I am deciding to try blogging that has become so popular to share thoughts and ideas. As a professional social worker, wife, mother, grandmother, friend and person, there are so many thoughts and experiences to share. I hope you will enjoy sharing with me.