NANA SAYS HOW MUCH SUPERVISION AND FREEDOM TO GIVE A CHILD IS A DIFFICULT QUESTION!

How much supervision and how much freedom we give children can be a tough road? Often when children are left alone to play they are just fine. Toddlers are the toughest as they explore everything. But sometimes children take advantage of the moment and do something silly or unsafe. Sneaking cookies or treats are the norm for my grandchildren. Children need to know they are trusted. Letting play occur in a safe environment is necessary for positive growth. At a playground supervision must be there. It takes time for a parent or guardian to think a child is ready for independence. There comes a time when children should be left alone in a home. Usually nothing bad will happen.  Older children have let people in homes that often get trashed for the fun of it. Have a get together and friends of friends come that can not be trusted. Older children get into parents liquor cabinet. So letting an older child have a drink or laying down the law of don't touch may help but again how much supervision. Trying to hide booze can be tricky as all children find parents' hiding places. Limiting the amount of alcohol in the home may help. But what does the parent with a wine cellar do!  Then the issue of pills! Children have been known to take their parents' prescription pills if they think they can get a buzz. A home can not be a fortress but trust is an earned value. Parents do not hesitate to check on those liquor bottles and pills. Counting helps. Make sure the booze has not been topped up by water to hide the fact some have been taken. Little children-little problems. Big children-big problems! Our children can be influenced by their friends or really accept that our own children could be the instigator! Discussions and house rules are needed. It is hard to keep an eye on our children all the time. Raising children means being cognizant as much as possible of what is going on in their lives. Some freedom but not total freedom! Even older children if parents are taking some time away need an adult who is supervising them! Oh yes a responsible adult! Some adults have never grown up either!  Did not bring up the sex discussion. Fodder for another post!

NANA SAYS IT IS DIFFICULT WHEN CHILDREN TURN OFF SCHOOL

A colleauge expressed her dilemma. She is worried about her son who is in High School. He is 15 and doesn't care about school anymore. He is not trying. Teenagers are a hard group to influence. School is such an important part of the picture. We often tie school with the future. "You need to get good grades to go to university!" What does a 15 year old care about university or paying the bills one day? Too young to pull out of school for a year and work to get some life experience. Is there a subject he likes? Is there something he enjoys doing? Art? Marathon running? Football? Hockey? History? Math? Is he with a group of friends that are also turned off school? Could there be a mood disorder? Depressed? Some anxiety? Is he misbehaving at school or just not finishing his homework? When doing family therapy perodically in my career, these would be some of the areas to be explored. Sitting down as a parent and not just talking with our children but actually listening works better.  Hopefully, my colleague is talking with the school and the teachers to receive some guidance. Parenting is never easy. Especially with teenagers! No they have not changed with this generation. Even Socrates expressed his concern about the youth of his day.

SPARE THE ROD, SPOIL THE CHILD

Many people have thought this biblical quotation means spanking or hitting your child is okay. I have always believed the rod means discipline. Children need guidance, routines, structure, boundaries and love-which helps them to grow emotionally. The discipline in a home does not have to be strict. Being able to say no when necessary, yes when necessary and to bend the rules sometimes like special occasions allows a child to know he/she is safe. There are many strategies as we all know to keeping order in a home. Children fall into their own routines at a young age. Their sleeping and eating patterns get established individually. Every parent knows when their little one needs to eat or sleep. Bedtime rituals like the bath, the reading of the book while cuddling on the bed gives a strong sense of comfort not just to the child but the adult. When my children no longer wanted storytime, the realization a new phase in their life had started was met with some sadness. Do you have thoughts about discipline? Do you try not to spank? Trying to be patient and not yell takes some much discipline. Do you have it? What are your thoughts?

THE WISDOM OF GRANDPARENTS

Some wise person said- grandchildren are the reason we had children. To be able to experience the joy of a new baby again, watch a toddler touch everything in its path, marvel at the language development between one year and two years and it just goes on, has been a blessing in my life.
To see my children and spouses blossom into parenthood with such love continues to amaze me. With it comes the awareness of how much experience grandparents have that can be tapped by the new generation of parents. My children have asked for guidance- it has been given but with the understanding I am the grandparent and not the parent. Knowing the different phases and stages will pass and each child will move to the next one, brings patience. The first time I was called Nana was so moving for me.
Are you a grandparent? What have you learnt about yourself? Do you have thoughts to share about your grandchildren? I hope to use grandparenting as one of my recurrent themes. So feel free to share or suggest ideas. In my career, there have been times I have conducted family therapy sessions, so can work with many problem situations you may be experiencing or guide you to the relevant resource. Or you may just want to tell a whimsical story!