In Italian culture the Christmas Even seafood dinner.
The seven fishes.
It was a favourite meal for Adolph and me.
Calamari at the Kerrs.
Fresh pasta with shrimp sauce.
This year I will be going to one daughter's house for the dinner.
#christmaseveseafooddinner#freshpastawithshrimpsauce#seafoodaappetizer#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro
We all have dark days.
Some days are our darkest days.
But like the Winter Solstice the darkest day can change with the dawn of the next day.
To look for new beginnings.
The sun returning to us.
The days getting longer again.
Hope and light returns.
So in your darkest day, know that it will pass and a new day will begin.
#wintersolstice#thedarkestday#lifebringshopewithanewday#thesunwillreturn#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro
Okay. I miss my spouse Adolph every day.
I live my life. I have moved forward without him.
But if I could have him back, I would have him back.
So Christmas.
So many memories.
The first Christmas Card he gave me. Such a treasure in 1966.
Engaged on Christmas Eve 1969.
Our First Christmas.
Our First Christmas tree.
Our First Christmas with our little baby Tash.
Our First Christmas in our First house that became a home.
Our First Christmas with our second baby Sonya.
Well you get it. So many memories.
Hosting large family dinners and yes they did occur at our house. Always taking in the stray family members. Always a place in our home.
Now my immediate family and this year a new member will attend.
During the last few years of Adolph's life we would have the Christmas Eve dinner for two with all the fish dishes.
I had him on Christmas morning. Opening presents. He hated opening presents. He really did not like getting presents. I know- I have no idea why. He was generous in giving presents however.
So for the last few weeks my thoughts of him have intensified. A lot.
So for all of you missing someone you loved. Missing a time gone by. Put the memory elephant in the room. Talk about your memories. Relish them.
We are told when we say a person's name they are remembered.
Adolph.
Christmas can be so bittersweet. So if you do not want to go over the top with it, do what is comfortable for you.
And if you need tissues to dab your tears, go for it.
#missingalovedoneatChristmas#missingAdolph#livingwithoutalovedone#movingforward#firstchristmasmemories#familydinnerswithfamilystrays#christmasevedinnerfortwo#christmasmorningwithadolph#sayinghisname#putthememoryelephantintheroom#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro#granpalovestocook
Growing up in Canada there were many traditional trends.
The Christmas Tree. With ornaments and lots of tinsel. I used to get a real tree until a few years ago where it was just easier to use an artificial one. Now I put up two trees, have a small pink one with pink ornaments and a small table top one.
The Christmas Stocking. As a little girl my stocking would be an old nylon stocking of my Mom's filled with small items like a pencil, large orange and a delicious apple. For my girls when I played Santa a homemade stocking by my Mom with their name on it. Had to put big items from Santa to fill it. Now I put a variety of stockings on my fireplace.
Such an easy way to decorate adding festive colours to my family room.
Christmas lights. I love outdoor Christmas lights on houses. Now I just put some in my living room window on timers.
The Santa Claus Parade in our towns and city. The above photos are from the 2016 Aurora parade at night so the lights on the floats are more festive. Local businesses and community groups with bands and music.
The visit to Santa at the Mall or home Christmas parties.
Nana telling Santa the famous Christmas joke. Why is Mrs Claus mad at Santa? Well he only comes once a year and when he does he puts it in her stocking!!
Presents. Shopping. Parcels to family members.
Christmas cards.
The Christmas newsletter updating others on the year's events.
Donations to the Food Bank, Toy drives and other charities have been Canadian traditions. I give to the Police toy drive and they donate to the Salvation Army.
Lots of photos and often those wonderful group photos.
Porchetta on a buffet table.
We embraced the Italian Christmas Eve 7 fishes dishes.
The girls were allowed to open one present Christmas Eve. I pointed them to the box with the matching PJs.
Christmas day. Santa stockings. Coffee, toast and pastries as we opened the presents.
Of course the traditional turkey dinner with all the trimmings. I would add some Italian sausage for my husband. Family and other invited guests. As a child it would be my Uncle Norman, Auntie Lynne and cousin Pam. One year an elderly neighbour. As boyfriends and girlfriends arrived they would join our festive table. As a little girl I would go to my biological Dad;s house for a few hours before returning home.
Boxing Day December 26 was a day to do discount shopping and trying to find Christmas items.
The beautiful floral centerpiece.
A child's Christmas angel by my daughter when she was five. It sits beside my Christmas angel.
Christmas parties with various groups and family.
The universal Christmas music. My favourite is Come all ye Faithful.
Christmas movies- It's a wonderful life, A Christmas Carol, A White Christmas. I watched those movies as a child. A Christmas Story that the kids love was filmed in Toronto 20 years ago. Of course- Home Alone is a favourite with all the grandkids.
Modern ones- Love Actually especially the scenes in the Airport with people greeting loved ones. The Holiday is a feel good movie too.
So Family, Food, Fun, charitable donations, contacting with family and friends.
Modern traditions with matching PJS made the Christmas of 2021 fun and easy to plan what to wear.
So as Canadian as the oak tree.
Merry Christmas. Joyeux Noel.
#canadiantraditionsatchristmas#canadianchristmastraditions#christmasturkeydinner#canadaatchristmas#matchingpjs#santaclausparade#picturewithsanta#visitingfamilyatchristmas#beingwithfamilyandfriends#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro
Some of my best notes come from simple family gatherings.
Stories are shared so write them down.
My mother-in-law Concetta was good fodder for Adolph's family stories.
Little tidbits. A bit at a time.
Even during the last couple of years with Adolph he would tell me who people were in photos.
I learnt how he loved those velvet shorts he wore. If not for the picture I would not have known he loved those shorts.
So look at photos with family. Sometimes good stories are shared.
Adolph is the little boy on the left on the lap of someone I do not know. His Dad Guiseppe/Joe is with a little boy that may be a cousin.
I am going to post this photo on the Cassino Italian Immigrant Facebook page after Christmas.
I do need help with identifying them.
So share stories and ideas.
#barb'sgenalogytidbits#sharingfamilystories#rememberinglovedonesnolongerhere#reflectivethoughtsbarbara#barbaradimambro
Christmas is so much in our lives.
The parties.
The shopping.
The eating.
The planning of where we celebrate.
Memories are made.
But for many the missing of people no longer with us can be triggered.
Can't help it. No way to avoid it.
So put the big elephant in the room. Bring out the photos. Use some old traditions.
Make a family dish that was used by someone not here anymore.
Remember to be happy and sad at the same time.
Love the memories that we share.
But make new memories.
Dinner for two Christmas Eve 2019. Adolph and I celebrated the Christmas Eve seafood dinner alone.
#memoriesofchristmas#noteveryoneishappy#makinghappymemories#okaytobesadmissingalovedone#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro
Okay. Not expecting several inches of snow when I awoke this morning.
But there it was.
So my first snow shoveling exercise of the season.
#snowsurprise#shovelingisgoodexercise#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro
The planters by the library now have winter arrangements.
So pretty.
I tried to capture a variety of 150 images. I am sure there are so many more around the city,
#richmondhill150#richmondhill150planterswithwinterarrangements#richmondhill150plantersbythelibrary#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro
Let's face it. The Moms make the best Santas.
But it takes a lot of work and effort to pull it all off.
So one community event finished and that's a rap for the Richmond Hill Arts Council annual Art Expo and Festival Market.
Not as good attendance as other years but some of the vendors did well.
So 120 pictures edited and posted to my Facebook page, I am ready for just my stuff and a couple of social events in the next few weeks.
Oh December the month of everything.
#December#richmondhillartscouncil#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro
November with birthdays, Remembrance Day and some personal dilemmas.
I have had a disturbing issue with my mail. Somehow it has been rerouted!
Canada Post is trying to find the issue. Parcels get delivered to my door, just not mail to my community mailbox. Lots of flyers.
Hopefully I will get some Christmas cards.
I have put many items online now with online accounts.
So as November ends I hope December brings a resolution to the problem,
I remain optimistic. However there is an Ombudsman at Canada Post I can use if necessary.
In life when some heavy shit has happened, I know I can get through the small stuff.
But it is strange that small stuff takes so much emotional energy.
Why do we feel because we are older that crap should not come our way?
I remember feeling that about my mother-in-law. She had dealt with so much and even as she was dying from cancer she had crap thrown at her by a family member. It did not seem fair.
Then yes we all know life is not always fair. But somehow I feel it should be.
I remember another stressful time. October 1984. My husband had a business partner, wife and son killed in a car accident on the 401 Thanksgiving weekend coming home from Montreal. One worker was beaten up and in bad shape in the hospital. Adolph had a truck fire on the road that completely gutted it. He had told me Barb I had a little truck fire. When I saw the truck in the yard, I was shocked.
Adolph had to go to Montreal for the funeral as his partner had family there.
Then what happened. A community Board to which I belonged had a 50/50 draw. I was called that week to be told I had won. The money was quickly used to book a trip to Mexico in January- a good discount week. I felt Adolph needed a vacation more than anyone.
That is why I remain optimistic. In the middle of diversity there can be a glimmer of hope and goodness.
Bad things do happen but then so do good things happen.
When we open up to the universe with good vibes- I know it sounds hockey but it does work.
Some people might label it as FAITH. Call it what you want. But positive energy and ideas can bring positive stuff. Besides it does not hurt anyone.
With any anxiety I may be feeling I do my positive self talk of what I can do to make life especially my life better. If I feel okay then people around me are taking in my positive energy.
On social media, only positive comments as I do not want to be one of those bitchy trolls that say whatever.
So how about you? How are you doing with November coming to an end? Are you facing any adversity in your life?
#positiveenergy#faith#lifeisnotfair#lookingforgoodintheworld#deathofapartner#gettingthroughroughtimes#tryingtostaypositiveandhappy#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro
So a truce in the Hamas-Israel war. Yay.
Some hostages back home.
I saw one father in Israel hugging and hugging his child on her return.
I could not imagine having a loved child missing or fearing death.
Ukraine also tears at my soul. We have Ukrainians who have come to my area due to the conflict.
Then all the protests and hate scenarios across Canada.
There really is no place for hate in this country or even in the world.
It is 2023. We survived a pandemic.
Each of us individually have survived our own personal stuff. And sometimes lots of stuff.
I think the good souls of the world need to continue to pray for peace. And pray very hard.
#soulsneedpeaceintheworld#warshurteveryone#thinkofUkranians#thinkofIsreal#prayforpeaceintheMiddleEast#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro
I was reflecting with a family member about being okay with who I am and what I have.
Okay we live in a very material society.
Things matter.
Your car matters.
Your house matters.
Or does it?
I have been around some very superficial people who feel superior because they have more than I do.
As a working person, sometimes I was looked down on because I worked. That woman had a husband with a higher paying job. For example, it was at one job at CNIB where lots of the volunteer women had downtown executive husbands. Staff were inferior to them. Well I had a nickname for them. Lady Bountifuls!
For me being able to support myself along with my husband mattered.
I went to university to find a good job and I actually found many good jobs.
As life would have it, working was important. Paid the bills. Paid into pension plans!
What some people with things and money do not realize is, many people do not give a flying crap about their stuff and fake feeling superiority attitudes!
I like real people with values. Even just ordinary people with ordinary lives are good. I am one of those ordinary people and I am just fine with it.
I have people that I love and they love me.
Have a laugh.
A good meal.
Go to a movie.
Be kind every day.
Treat others with the respect I want in my life.
Activities with meaning for me not necessary for others. Like my obsession with genealogy!!
Trying to enjoy every day!!
So my 2018 jeep is just fine, thank you very much. My neighbourhood is full of very expensive cars!!
How about you? What are your thoughts? Are you happy with what you have and the people in your life?
#beinghappyinthismaterialworld#likingwhoyouareandwhatyouhave#reflectivethoughsbybarbara#barbaradimambro
Decorated the house with big items as all the little stuff stays in the closet.
I only decorated one Christmas tree this year.
I find that decorating has become more work than fun.
So I do less as needed. The house looks festive enough.
My light display is in the front window so I can put it on a timer. My outside plug does not accommodate one. Sometimes the plug shorts and I need to go to my fuse box to restart it. So inside lights work.
Christmas shopping is slow as I have to wait for the grandchildren's wishes. Now it is usually money!
However I still buy a few small things to have presents under the tree.
The two little ones need that fun of Christmas.
But the feeling of the empty chair and missing loved ones creeps in!!
I like outdoor Christmas displays. Maybe I need to go out and about to see the joy of the season.
How about you? How are your Christmas plans coming along?
#christmasprepareations#novemberisabusymonth#BuyingforChristmas#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro
I feel sad.
About Ukraine.
About Israel and the Middle East.
Sad about the anti hate for so many groups right now in North America.
What's the matter with people?
Why is history repeating itself?
I work hard at being caring and accepting and open minded. But not so open minded my brains would fall out.
People that are different than I am are allowed to be. As long as no harm is done to another human being.
Children, old people, the vulnerable are to be protected.
We can have differences in opinion.
We can have different beliefs.
As long as all of those things mean men and women are equal. And others that chose a different gender are equal as well.
Sad brings a sense of hopelessness but I am hopeful.
I am hopeful with action, tolerance, prayer and just supporting the right causes that respect all help in my own small way.
I find myself listening more to everyone. Watching more than one news channel to get a different perspective. Except Fox. I actually don't get it so no problem. RAI the Italian news for two reasons. To listen to Italian and to see their perspective of it all.
Missing loved ones also makes me very sad. Especially as the Festive season is upon us.
What do you think about it all? The state of the world? The anti everything especially hate of any one group?
#sadaboutthestateoftheworld#tryingtostayhopeful#tryingtobeacceptingandtolerant#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro#equalityforall#makingcanadaabetterplace
I missed last year's Remembrance Day Service in Richmond Hill as I was with my grandchildren babysitting.
So taking my camera I parked at the Richmond Hill Library and walked to the Cenataph to get a seat.
The Service is always the same. Same hymns. Same poems. But being a Remembrance Day service that is okay.
I left my camera in my purse. I even did not want to take any photos on my phone.
I had pictures of the military banners on Yonge Street already.
Just a few of the many along the street.
One has more meaning.
Matthew Dinning was from Wingham but his grandparents live in Richmond Hill. Each year they place a wreath in his honour and for those that served in Afghanistan. He was 23.
I saw them after the service and stated always remembering your beautiful grandson. Then I simply said I have grandsons and couldn't imagine. A simple exchange between grandparents.
Always remembering my family members that all came home from the wars they served for Canada.
So not a day for photos but just quiet reflection.
#remembranceday#quietreflection#alocalhero#grandparentsremembering#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro
In my bid to stay involved with community groups, I have found them to be less positive.
Cancelled meetings.
Not getting a response to messages sent for suggestions.
Having suggestions over turned by one Chair who likes to micro manage and is a bit of a control freak. Who needs it??
I do not.
I am involved in 4 such meetings and groups.
My online groups like Facebook groups, writing on my blog, Instagram are more fulfilling and yes enjoyable. Enjoyable is a good thing.
I find attending events without any commitment to be satisfactory. I can take photos and enjoy the event.
Perhaps even meet some new people. Have a lively conversation and then go home.
No hassle. No conflicts.
So will the New Year bring some resignations from some groups. Perhaps!!
Or less involvement!
I can go to the Library.
I can go to a movie.
I can try to meet with acquaintances and friends more often.
And my family. Still enjoy those grandchildren sleepovers.
I joined the other groups to be with people and meet new people which I have done.
For the power struggles and hassles, I had enough in my career.
I want to support my family with love and involvement. I do not mind their struggles, challenges and yes sometimes conflicts. But because I love those people it is doable and worth it.
In life, pick your battles.
Besides, I really do not need to impress anyone. Really I never did. So if someone does not like what I
say or do. WHATEVER!!
How about you? Do you belong to groups that are not a happy time? Any suggestions on moving forward?
#nothappywithcommunitygroups#howtoenjoylifebetter#distancingfromtheconflictsofcommunitygroups#friendsandfamilybringsatisfactiona#beingwithothersforagoodtime
Is it just me or do leaves have a villainous side?
The lawn can be beautifully raked.
Some leaves bagged. Other strewn on the garden for the winter.
The next day more have blown on the yard and more raking is necessary.
When it appears all the leaves have fallen off my trees, surprise!
More were still to come. Or one day when raking the wind was blowing leaves from other yards down the street to mine.
Maple, Oak and sycamore leaves!
The good news is raking leaves does count as exercise.
#rakingleaves#leavesblowingeverywhere#baggingrakedleaves#workinghardatrakingleaves#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambr
THE MIDNIGHT WIND
Raged in the Early Hours.
Branches bending as they scraped the roof.
Blew the lid off the Rain Barrel
Leaves strewn
Some leaves made neat piles
Easy to gather and bag!
Did it blow away the issues.
The Concerns.
Did it blow some new hope and joy my way?
November 4, 2023
WELL ENOUGH
The rustling of leaves under my feet as if each rustle and leaf contains a memory.
Some days are easier than others.
But Fall seems to be a reminder that its season brings certain melancholy.
Remembering is often joyful
Remembering is often painful.
Remembering is often numb.
No feeling.
The numbness is easier as I do not have to feel.
Sometimes I do not want to feel anything.
Numb is a good thing.
I like going through the motions of being busy.
It takes any pressure off.
To the outside world I am coping.
Surviving.
Living on.
Busy,
As if being busy is so purposeful.
A wonderful external defense.
Oh she looks good.
She looks happy.
Fake it until you make it.
Well faking has become my mantra for living.
Be chatty.
Be polite.
Be nice.
It's okay to be not over it.
It's okay to contain the grief.
It's okay to be not okay.
So rather than I'm okay as an answer to how are you?
Well enough.
Confusing to some.
Others get it.
Well enough!!
November 4, 2023
I have been finding trying to write poems has become an outlet for some reflective thoughts. I am tired of reading experts and influencers and opinionate people trying to tell us all how to do, be, feel and live. I do not want to become one of those people.
So poems by Barbara is another way to challenge myself in this blog.
Enjoy!
#poemsbybarbara#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro#wellenough#midnightwind#fakeituntilyoumakeit#okaynottobeokay#barbaradimambro#poemshelpwithlife'sprocessing
November has two significant birthdays for me.
A daughter.
A granddaughter.
Remembrance day functions. I usually like to go to the Service.
And Christmas preparations. I am behind in my shopping.
The main reason is most of the family just want money.
However I like to buy some small items for the grandchildren anyway.
There are community people and functions I make some gift baskets as prizes.
So to get the party started and shopping for what I need.
How about you? Is November a busy time or not?
#novemberpreparationforChristmas#shoppingforChristmas#enjoyingfamilybirthdaysandfun#maybemorefamilystuff#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro
I could not help myself. Needed to capture some fun pictures.
#halloween#halloweendecorations#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro
FOMO has become a source of contention for so many with the social media sites.
People see what others are doing and believe their lives are not great. Others have great lives and travel and social events.
Well don't always believe what you see on social media. Besides seeing 200 travel photos reminds me of childhood when family or friends would have a slide show of their vacation
I find my facebook page has some "friends" partying all the time. Eating out. Drinking. Travelling.
It is not necessary to post every day but some do. Okay for them.
For me FOMO raised its head when Adolph was sick and we did not do much.
But let me digress.
When we had money we did travel.
Circumstances changed so long trips became overnight trips. Like our 40th anniversary to Montreal and Ottawa. Others to Kingston and Niagara.
When we started the Granpalovestocook blog, our trips became farmer market day trips.
Our 45th anniversary was a boat cruise on the Toronto Harbour and a lunch with family in Kleinburg Ontario.
Adolph and I had our last market trip in 2016. As he became ill he only wanted to go to the Club to play cards.
Life changes. But does FOMO occur.
Not really. I had some community groups and some days out with friends here and there.
One friend thought I missed travel and told me the story of her friend who cared for her sick husband and when he died, she was happy to be able to travel again. As caring for her husband had been more of a burden of missing out on life.
I did not respond as travelling with Adolph alive or even missing it was not in consciousness.
Adolph did ask me a few months before he died what my first bereavement trip would be? I looked at him and said I had not even considered it. I think now he wanted me to be happy.
What I have stated often to friends and family, that being with Adolph loving, caring well just being with him had more purpose than anything else in my life.
Travel is a luxury not a necessity in life. Travel with the right person does make the difference, doesn't it.
So from travel abroad or south to overnight to day to market trips and then bringing life to Adolph. No worry of FOMO.
The simplest events can be more rewarding than other events.
I have not had much travel in my life the last few year but I make the most of day trips, social events, movies, my community groups.
Lately attending as many of my Grandchildren's hockey games is good. Movies with a daughter.
Life takes me where life takes me.
I do have some bucket life items. Travel may be one of them one day.
But right now if invited I go. A birthday dinner. A coffee with a friend. Sometimes alone just to capture some photos.
So no FOMO in my world.
How about you? Does FOMO enter your life? Do others think your world is small because their world is great? Thoughts? Comments"
#FOMO#fearofmissingout#makingthemostofwhatisinyourworld#travelinaluxurynotaright#enjoyingwhatlifebringstoyou#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro
HE COMES TO ME IN DREAMS
His side of the bed
Where I lay my head.
Sleep.
Then.
Dreams bring him to me.
Well.
Walking
Talking.
His warm hands.
His warm heart.
With him in thoughts and spirit.
Morning arrives.
Planes go over.
The Red Eyes from the west.
Reminder of trips taken.
And I return to the moment.
Before rising.
Remembering.
He is gone.
October 21, 2023
WAVES
Waves of an ocean
Some too high even for surfers.
Some easy to bounce joyfully.
My waves
Are mostly in my head.
Come now and then.
Salt from the tears.
Stream down my face making them my reality.
October 21, 2023
#poemsbybarbara#waves#dreams#whatdowavesreallymean#dreamsbringhimback#earlymorningrealities#griefcomesinmanyforms#reflectivthoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro
