NANA SAYS THE DEATH OF A CHILD IS THE WORST GRIEF

With the events from the United States-Sandy Hook Elementary School- it brings home how tragic and unbearable it is when a child dies. It was not just the little children but even the adults were someone's children. The killer's father is grieving too. It is said a parent should not have to bury a child. It made me think of the war zones where little children die too and how devastating it is for those parents. Does a parent get over the death? Maybe! Copes, moves on but putting the little one  to rest is a life long process. I had a work mate who lost a child in the Air India crash. He knew families that made their children's rooms into shrines! Then what becomes normal grief and what becomes pathological grief carry fine lines between them. All the counselling in the world may not take away the pain, just give strategies for living! When an event affects a community there is common bonding between people. However, each situation is unique to that family. How to help siblings deal with the loss again is unique to each family! It is difficult not to have a "ghost" remain in the family, always expecting the other children to remember but do they have to carry the same burden as the parent. Loving the living may become stressful for a parent but necessary. The movie Ordinary People carried that theme. The mother could not love her living son as she could not let go of her loss. The living child should not be made to feel less loved and it can happen very honestly. Grief is so overwhelming and painful that good people can become consumed with it. It takes the time it needs to take. There are organizations that help families grieve. Offering groups for siblings that use art, music, story telling are some of the strategies that help children process. Schools with grief counsellors and projects are ways to process events. Hugging our children too tightly is not the way to let them live. Parents always worry about their little ones and big ones too- it is natural. Finding ways for living and yet remembering take patience and creativity. Letting the feelings flow naturally. Every child's loss is huge for families. It does not take a major event for a death to occur. If you know someone who has lost a child, reach out, listen to the story! To all who have lost a child, take heart that life can go on but there will be a piece missing! Find ways to honour your loss without letting it destroy your life! Accept the love of those around you!