Welcome

Inspiration for this blog came from my cousin Roy. His daily reflections of the events in his life have been thoughtful and interesting. Family, friends, colleagues are welcome to read my blog.



Sunday, May 31, 2026

THAT EARLY EARLY MORNING WALK

 Up after 5am, I looked out and there were joggers already.

So getting ready quickly, I went for my walk just after 6am.

Sunday mornings are the quiet mornings and the ones I love the best.

Few people and traffic so can be invisible.

Lots of birds chirping away.

It felt good to be out and about. 

The change in weather although cool today draws me outside.

But maybe I will start to do two walks a day. A shorter one in the afternoon to get me out of the house again.

#morningwalk#walkingisgoodforthesoul#seeinglifeoutsidethehouse#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro#barbaramaydimambro

Saturday, May 30, 2026

THE WIDOW SERIES- NATURE HAS A WAY OF HELPING WITH GRIEF

 This morning when sitting in the tub I heard a crow caw. Then it cawed for several minutes.

I have not heard the crow in my yard for quite some time.

The day Adolph died (June 23, 2020) there was a double rainbow. Then after his body was taken from the house by the funeral home, Sonya stayed with me for a couple of hours. Suddenly a crow started to caw in the backyard loudly. I had never had any crows in my yard previously. 

There are mystical reasons crows appear. Look it up if you want more clarity.

The Fall of 2020, I was cleaning the garage and cursing and complaining and being in a real pissy mood. Suddenly a crow flew down my street and landed in the Oak tree outside the garage and started to caw at me loudly for several minutes. I calmed down.

So my first trip anywhere to Tobermory in 2021, a double rainbow appeared on the first night.

A sign?

The notion a cardinal appears when your angel is near. Well I have a pair of Cardinals that live in my yard.

The first few months after Adolph died, I would go outside in the front sitting at my little table and a cardinal would come and sit in the tree chirping. Doesn't happen anymore.

So why did the crow call to me today? And why did I hear it so distinctly.

Is there a message? Or was it just a crow cawing?

Nature is all around us. Paying attention to the wind, the sky, the trees, the birds, the animals can bring inner peace and joy.

I find that if I listen to what nature has to say I sometimes find some meaning in the message.

I am a reasonable, practical person that does activities with organization and efficiency. 

However, there are many things in life that can not be explained nor do I try to explain them.

I am processing a lot lately and coming to some resolutions so maybe my friendly crow was letting me know I am going to be okay. Honestly, I do not have any answers. I just know I paid attention.

How about you? Has nature given you some answers to your life?

#naturecanbeamystery#griefandnaturaloccurences#griefandthecrowcawing#doublerainbows#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro#barbaramaydimambro


Friday, May 29, 2026

THE WIDOW SERIES- SHORT NOTES AND THOUGHTS

 Sometimes ideas come. Short poems. So what to do with them all.

So I am putting them here.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

December 20, 2025

How to move forward when your heart is broken

just get going

Act happy

Act like you are interesed

Over time it happens

Life becomes good

Happier

You will always have those losses in your heart and mind

But todays blessings can be embraced


________________________________________________________________

January 31, 2026

I would do it all over again.

In a heartbeat

Caring for the one I loved

And missing that caring

It had purpose

It had meaning

The most meaning in my life.

But he was my love

My guy.

Warts and all

A life with its imperfections

_________________________________________________________________

Spring with its green rejuvenates me.

The flowers, yell daffodils, purple crocuses, white snowdrops.

_______________________________________________________________

I have to do it myself. I can't wait for someone to do it for me. It's on me. I will not be a a burden to my kids or grandkids. But it is hard. Sometimes I feel so anxious I just freeze. I don't want to do anything. To get up, get going and just do it and do it again.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

January 19, 2026

Keep going they say

One foot in front of the other

Stay Positive

You have lots to live for

Do I?

Positive when so much in life is over

My marriage, now a widow

My job, now retired

Grandchildren maturing and venturing into the world

Daughters with middle age stresses

Not always happy

Geopolitical world turmoil

Heh it's Martin Luther King Day

_________________________________________________________________________

January 20 2026

Snowplows  are on Yonge street

Several Dump trucks are collecting mounds of snow. Economic meeting in Davos Switzerland.

The craze of making sour dough bread.

_______________________________________________________________________

So basically I cleaned up one pile of writing and notes and short stories that I thought I would rewrite and make better.

Sometimes it is best to finish a project as is. I can always review all the last few posts anytime, add, correct, revise if I want.

The Widow Series has been a good project. But I have been processing the last few months of my widow journey. I feel I have turned a corner. So getting the project here on my blog has been cathartic.

As anyone who reads my blog knows I am already thinking of the next project.

#widowprojectiscompletefornow#writinghelpsthesoul#gettingthingsdoneisimportant#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro#barbaramaydimambro

THE WIDOW SERIES- CLICHES DO NOT HELP THE SOUL

 Many people do not handle others' grief well and often are misguided in what to say. Widows tolerate more crap than widowers. Why do people think it is easier for women than men? A short story with reflections.

Widow Series- Cliches do not help the Soul

Wanting to scream if she heard, Everything happens for a reason again as Carol sat patiently.

Another girls or do we call them Ladies get together.

He had a fall. Hit his head. Had a brain bleed. Was in ICU for 6 weeks. Surgery did not help. Bill died at 57 years old.

So Carol thought what was the reason. She wanted to scream- Shut the fuck up at her dinner mates.

At 54 years old, she was not ready to be a widow. Not ready to try to find another partner. So what was the reason.

Oh yeah. The grief journey. Take one day at a time. Grief slows the days down so the day actually seems like a week.

Let sleeping dogs lie. So any family crap, well let it go. It does not matter anymore. But it actually does. Especially when there is money or property. Bill inherited stuff and property. It was Carol’s now. But some of his family wanted it back. Even though they had been married for 33 years. Still treated like some outsider.

Life goes on. Duh. Of course it goes on. The earth revolves around the sun. Day becomes night. Night becomes day.

A bird in the hand is worth more than two in the bush. So who the hell has a bird.

Keep your friends close but your enemies closer. Carol felt those inlaws were more enemies than friends. Yes keep them close because they are not getting my stuff.

What goes around comes around? Oh yeah but not always. Some people really do not get what they deserve.

Karma is a bitch. But life teaches us again that everyone experiences karma. Whatever karma really is. Some very bad [people get to continue their bad journey and get rich and richer.

The boys without their Dad. Just starting their independent lives. The relationship was getting so much better. And now he is gone.

A rolling stone gathers no moss. Well to keep going. Keep rolling.

Do unto others as….. So what is the point. 

A rose is a rose by any other name. My name is Carol. 

Let’s move forward. Maybe standing still feels better. 

Don’t drink and drive, Duh. 

It was a dark and stormy night. Grief can be like a scary movie.

 Darkest before the dawn. True but what if dawn still feels so dark. 

Watch your back. Hard to see out of the back of my head. So with my back to the wall I can see in three directions and keep those in-laws from trying to steal my stuff.

 Sly like a fox. Well foxes are very quiet and move cautiously. I feel like a fox. Keep quiet and listen. Learn what others are thinking and wanting. 

Better the devil that you know then the one you don’t. Yup keep an eye on those prying in-laws. 

Don’t do something you will regret. 

When you love something set it free….. I loved Bill. I set him free. But he is not coming back. Even though I want him back. 

The apple/acorn does not fall far from the tree. 

It is not over until the Fat lady sings. Well I am medium build so maybe I can sing anyway.

October 20, 2022

Copyright-Barbara Di Mambro

#thewidowseries#clichesthatpeoplesay#ashortstorywithcliches#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro#barbaramaydimambro

THE WIDOW SERIES- NO I DON'T WANT YOUR HUSBAND

A short story about a small dilemma widows face in social situations.


NO I DON'T WANT YOUR HUSBAND


No I don’t want your husband

 

Great! It happened again. That look.

You know the one. The one that could kill.

Being alone takes its toll. So when out and about nice to socialize. Talk to people. Women, children and sometimes men.

Friendly, social. Casual conversations.

Since he died, no real male companionship. Miss all the jokes. And the silliness. The debates. The talk.

I did not sign up in life to join the Widows Club. It is not a great life.

I don’t buy the pity party. To miss your spouse is the norm.

So back to being friendly. I talk to the men in my life. Chatting. Catching up on life. Well what’s up!

The I saw her the 60 something wife glaring. Glaring as if she could kill with those eyes. If she had a gun she would have killed me. I am older than she is.

Her husband Fred is a nice guy but not really my type. Okay he has a breath but not my type really. After Bill died, he was nice and asked if I would need any work done around the house to let him know.

I already made up my mind I would pay someone or ask the sons-in-law for any help. I knew better than to use a friend.

Fred has always been a nerd. So not my type. But his wife Sally thinks she is a catch. Always did.

I make myself very obscure. No sexy clothes. No showing my large teats in any tops. I know previously men had noticed them. But now try to dress them down with tops that cover me completely.

Bill always teased me about them. He would say men are looking at them honey. But they are mine to have, hold, kiss and well do what I want.

Sally has medium teats. Is he worried her husband may be interested in mine?

So another male in my life I will avoid so I do not get the look. The glare.

The widow dilemma. To be friendly and social is often misinterpreted for what. Flirting. Hitting on other men.

My work entailed for me to be social. To engage. To listen to others.

So naturally I am attentive to others and some of those others include men.


May 15, 2022

Copyright- Barbara Di Mambro

#thewidowseries#noIdonotwantyourhusband#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro#barbaramaydimambro

THE WIDOW SERIES- JUST A DATE ON A CALENDAR

 Anniversaries have a way of reminding about the good times.

JUST A DATE ON A CALENDAR

There it is. The day. The date on a calendar.

The memories are there connected with that date.

Pull out the photo album. Look at the pictures.

See the memorabilia. The napkin with the names on it. The old wedding cake piece in the freezer. What a stupid tradition to save a piece of cake for the baby’s first birthday.

Where is the wedding dress? Why do we keep a dress that we will never wear again? And to have it specially boxed at the Cleaners for a costly price!

The wedding cards with the messages. The gifts long gone or broken. The money spent.

May 15, 2022

Copyright-Barbara Di Mambro

#anniversaries#rememberingthegoodtimes#theweddingday#rememberingahappyday#barbaradimambro#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaramaydimambro

THE WIDOW SERIES- A WALK IN THE RAIN WITH AN UMBRELLA

 Rain never stopped me from enjoying life.

 A walk in the rain with an umbrella

 

Getting the mail and a memory surfaced.

That trip to Ottawa and in the rain to see the Tulip Festival.

Plastic raincoats but needing an umbrella as well.

So being a Tuesday which is always a hard day for me.

The day of the week he died.

130pm is the time.

A walk in the rain is good. As long as it is a gentle rain. Not torrential where every part gets soaked.

I embrace the walk. As short as it is. About 200 m. each way A.

Time to think. Time to reflect. Time to be.

And functional. Getting the mail.

So many memories in my head. So many that are good. I try to drown out any negative ones. Why relive pain? It is good to relive the fun, the good ones, the times where we laughed.

He did make me laugh. I miss that. I miss the silly jokes.

The funny adventures like our trip to Rome for our 25th.

Or the time he rolled off the bed in Florida!

Or buying two different shoes to go to a wedding and he had to shine his old ones. He always bought new shoes at the last minute. It was a silly habit of his.

So rain. Memories come raining down.

Rain hides the tears. Can have a wet face.

Copyright-Barbara Di Mambro

#walkintherain#rainneverstoppedus#memoriescomeupintherain#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro#barbaramaydimambro

THE WIDOW SERIES- LIFE GOES ON

 The earth revolves on its axis. Yes life goes on.

LIFE GOES ON

Did I tell you what not to say to a widow? There are so many trite comments.

But am I tired of the Life will go on.

Yeah right. Life has gone on. I get up every day. I pee. I brush my teeth. I have my first coffee.

There are activities of daily living like meals, laundry, bills to pay, make some phone calls. Pursue my interests.

This part of my life has not changed.

Being without him has changed.

The company. The intimacy. The sex. The goodnight kiss.

Just being with each other.

Being alone.

Living alone. The first time in my life I have not lived with anyone.

He asked me a first months before he died who was I going to talk with every day. I jokingly told him well you of course.

Talking aloud brings some company but it is not the same as having a partner to talk about everything and nothing. The small talk. The big talk. The silly talk.

The life that couples have. The comfort. Well the not being alone.

It did not mean we were joined at the hip. I could be in one room and he was in another. Just knowing there was someone in the house. If he ran into trouble he could yell for me. I was there. He often joked he could not help me much. But with the phone beside him as I told him he could phone 911 for me.

I did not care he could not help me physically because mentally he helped me by just being with me.

It was a content time. And a very sad time. Sad because no matter what I did for him it could not make him better.

Quality of life was the palliative approach. Eat what he liked. Drink what he liked. Watch his shows on TV when he liked.

The light was on all the time for safety for him. He could sleep with a light on anyway. But it was reassuring to know he was safe while I slept.

Sometimes I see those self help books about finding happiness. How to enjoy your life.

But what if the good bits are behind. There is not the same to expect in front of me.

No interest in a new man.

No interest in joining the widow groups.

No interest in the being ghosted. It even happened a lot with the ageism before I retired.

Seniors are ghosted all the time. Older women do not get seen. Ghosted.

But it makes it easier to people watch. Listen to conversations. If not seen, others just continue as if you are not there anyway.

Life goes on but the memories stick. The funny moments recalled. The intimacy.

A new life but not a better one. I had the better one and it is gone.

Barbara Di Mambro

February 15 2022

#thewidowseries#lifegoeson#thoughtsfromawidow#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro#barbaramaydimambro

THE WIDOW SERIES- TEA AND TOAST

 I used to hear about lonely old women having tea and toast. I didn't get it then. I get it now. Who really likes to cook all the time.

Widow Series-

Tea and Toast

What is for dinner?

So hard to cook for one.

The elderly woman is what she called herself.

Tea and Toast.

A different tea each day.

A different slice of bread. Sometimes white. Sometimes grain. Sometimes whole wheat.

From a family home to a couple’s home to a family to being empty nester then to being alone. A single.

She never liked the idea of single.

It rather sucks.

So much advice of how to cook and what to make.

Much easier to order something or buy at the supermarket. You know. One of those meals. A chicken and two sides.

Swiss Chalet has good meals. A salad. A bun. A side extra with steamed vegetables.

But meal time is a social time. Not just the food but the company. Being with someone else.

Well not alone.

Trying not to eat in front of the TV all the time. But it is company.

August 13, 2022

Barbara Di Mambro

#teaandtoast#eatingaloneeveryday#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro#barbaramaydimambro

 

THE WIDOW SERIES- THE MORNING WALK

 I love to walk especially in the morning to greet the da.

The Widow Series- The Morning Walk

 

Sun rising later in the morning. But still able to get out before 6 am.

The crisp and refreshing morning air hit her face. Weights in hand, swinging those arms. Working those muscles.

Barb headed up the street. Looking every way several times, crossed the road to start the trek up the hill.

Working those leg muscles.

Not just exercise but a time to think and reflect. To plan the day. To strategized for new projects. What to make. What to write.

No ear plugs. Cell phone in the small bag across her body. Safety first.

Today was different. He is getting sicker. So more time needed at home. Less time to go out.

The walk just 20 minutes gave a good time.

If driving in the morning time to see many others taking advantage of the cool air to walk.

Birds in the field. The summer grasses growing. The sky. Those last red eyes getting ready for the approach to Pearson.

Thinking. Are the people coming home? Or here for a vacation? Work? Family emergency? So many stories in one plane.

If I wave can the people on the plane see me. Would they think who is that mad woman waving?

Rounding the bend on Major Mac. Ignoring the cars and drivers. Who sees an old lady walking? Old ladies are invisible. Men only like 25 year olds with big tits. So good to ignore as no one sees Barb anyway. She’s older. Invisible.

 

Walk and think. No talking. Just in my head. Clearing my head.

July 24, 2019

Barbara Di Mambro

#morningwalkds#redeyeinthemorning#inmyheadtothink#observingtheworldaroundme#reflectivethoughsbybarbara#barbaradimambro#barbaramaydimambro

THE WIDOW SERIES- THE RED EYE

 It has been a way to greet the day for so many years.

Widow Series- The Red Eye

Hearing the plane and then looking at the clock.

530 Am.

The Red Eye from the West flying over the house.

On the flight path to Pearson.

Better than an alarm clock.

Predicable.

Some things don’t change. The Red Eye.

Being on the route. On the fringe. But part of something.

I am in the path of something. The same path. That has not changed.

When so much has changed.

They say life goes on. But the life has changed. It is not a life that you choose.

Wanting the old life is not doable.

So the Red Eye is part of the life goes on. It has not changed.

Needing things that have not changed.

Change is not always good for you. Especially if you did not choose that change.

Sometimes it just sucks.

And the older you get the more change you have to experience. Whether you like it or not.

It sucks.

Not a little but a lot.

Big time.

Being isolated from others because not a couple but a single.

Life goes on as a single. Alone and single. Not a couple but single.

Not liking how life goes on.

So Red Eye fly over every day. Let me know some things have not changed.

Let me know that as life goes on some things are the same.

I need the same.

I need less change.

I want the same. I want some predictability. I want life to stay the same. At least for some time.

November 1, 2022

Copyright- Barbara Di Mambro

#theredeye#theredeyetoPearson#goingovermyhouseeverymorning#lifegoesonliketheredeye#reflectivthoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro#barbaramaydimambro

THE WIDOW SERIES- TREES

 When I think of trees, so many images come to mind. Let me know what you think about this vignette.

Trees

From the ground the branches blocked part of the sky. The blue filtering through them made interesting images.

The week had sucked. Too much conflict. Too little recognition. Just too much.

So taking a break and laying under this beautiful tree gave some rejuvenation to Barb.

Reading then stopping then looking. Observing others through the sunglasses that hid her eyes.

People watching is easy as everyone is looking at their cell phones. Why no one is paying attention to the beauty around them?

Noticing the growth in the trees. With all that rain seeping into the soil, the deep roots can have a drink. And then the water surging upward through the trunk to the branches.

Trees help us breathe better.

Barb’s family was coming for a visit. Should be good but there could be conflict. If only everyone would just chill and stop the bickering. Life would be sweeter.

Family with its trunk and branches. Some are diseased and need to be cut off. Others are growing faster than it can be explained.

Then all the work on the family history that is ongoing. Sometimes fun and interesting but sometimes tedious when too many questions are asked. Or the challenges of that’s not what I know about the family.

July 24, 2019

Copyright- Barbara Di Mambro

#trees#thewidowseries#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro#barbaramaydimambro

THE WIDOW SERIES- HER FIRST RIVER CRUISE

THE WIDOW SERIES-Her first River Cruise


The luggage cart was by the boat. Watching to make sure her luggage was there. Yes I see it. The purple one.

Carol was a little excited. Her cruise had finally come to be. On her bucket list for years.

Now that James had passed away she could do trips again. Travelling alone would be a new learning curve.

It had been a rough 3 and a half years. Caring for a loved one is one of life’s honourable journeys. But exhausting.

Putting other things in life on hold as care was the priority.

Listening to everyone’s stories of trips and beach holidays on Facebook. Trying to be a good sport about it all.

Where did you go this summer Carol? Well nowhere, I had to be available to wipe my husband’s ass!!

No road trips that had been fun. We loved those 2 days trips that eventually reduced to one day.

So finding my cabin. Okay. Like a cruise cabin. Smaller than it looks in the flyers.

Now to find her dinner table. Crap. 3 married couples and me.

Great.

I know how wives are. There will be that terse moment. Knowing there is a free woman at the table. Holding on to their husbands with two hands.

I will stay the one dinner then approach the crew to move me somewhere else.

Is there a lone table in the corner?

I did not come on the cruise to make friends. But the table assignments do not consider what a person has dealt with in their life.

I am not here to apologize for not having a partner attached to my hip.

I am not interested in meeting other married couples or single men or single women. If a cruise acquaintanceship evolves, fine for the 10 days. If not, my pictures, my journal and sending posts back to my daughter to put them on my blog.

I will sign up for tours and events but not drinking parties with married people or single men.

I did not come on the cruise to get laid.

I really want to see parts of Germany and the tulips in the Netherlands and Switzerland. Ending up in Hungary. I just want to snap as many pictures as possible.

I want to drink wine. I want to eat good food.

Hello, I am Carol. Yeah the looks begin. I know I am not really welcome at the table.

Oh I see you are three friends of married couples. Don’t worry I am not here to hit on your husbands and I have already asked to be moved.

I would like to say James would have loved to be here. But I am lying. He would hate the boat. He did not likes castles and museums. He would be glad I am striking something off my bucket list. And without him. If he had not been sick so soon after my retirement, I would have done it alone sooner.

I do miss him. So I will snap lots of pictures to show him when I get home. Even though he is not there.

My room is big enough but I noticed they put me at the end of the hall beside the engine room. The single woman would not complain as a married couple might. Almost be glad we let you be here. I know I could have taken one of those singles only cruises but I wanted to be around a variety of people- old, young and in between.

I hear the dance music. I will find a quiet spot on deck away from the dancing. I can hear the music but do not need to see the couples laughing and having fun dancing. It is one thing I have missed so much. The dancing. James and I loved to dance. We took dance lessons in our 20s so we would have the moves to use on the dance floor. Besides James had been self-conscious and would not try new things unless he felt confident. So the dance lessons gave us that confidence on the dance floor. Besides most couples just kinda of jump around and do not have any real dance skills. So it was not hard to enjoy dancing as we went around and around the dance floor as most couples just stayed in one spot-jumping.

So not to feel like the ugly duckling in High School that did not get asked to dance, I will not put myself in that position. But I love to hear the music. I do not care to watch others dancing.

Just the opportunity to see the shoreline and witness a small part of each country. The evening should be pretty with the lights of houses and other places on the shore.

Even listening to another language spoken is learning.

I thought about bringing books to read but no I would rather take notes and experience the atmosphere around me. If buried in a book or my cell phone, I could miss things. Besides I love to people watch and it is much easier now as so many people have their heads buried in their phones. I guess it is better than being buried in their ass.

I need to move from these negative thoughts as I did not come on this cruise to bitch or feel sorry for myself. But grief has a funny way of catching up with a person.

For me it is the angry thoughts. Yes most couples will eventually lose a partner but to do it so young felt hard. Okay 68 is not young  but I was hoping we would age together.

I was hoping for a trip or two in retirement. It did not happen.

Unpacking my stuff for the duration, to bed.

………………………………………..

Oh my, I really slept but it is 530 am and I hear the morning sounds of cruise activity so get washed and dressed.


On today’s agenda, a castle tour ending in lunch and wine at      restaurant. Well time to think about living!


February 9, 2021

Copyright- Barbara Di Mambro

#rivercruiseonherbucketlist#learningtoliveafterthedeathofaspouse#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro#barbaramaydidmambro

 

THE WIDOW SERIES-EARLY MORNING

Early thoughts in my grief journey 


EARLY MORNING

Warned yesterday the back hoe would be floated early today, the noise of the float still awakened me.

Looking out the window to see the lights and worker busily trying to do his job decided although 430 am to get up and start the day.

Made my coffee on my coffee maker. Opened the family room curtains to see the light of day starting to make its way across the sky.

Sat in my cozy blue chair sipping my coffee.

And thinking.

What plans do I have for the day?

Not many. Two short errands to run if necessary. I could do them tomorrow.

Thinking can hurt the brain.

The memories of a life comes crowding in. Being alone and a widow really sucks

Trying to move forward. All the clichés. Get back to living. Well I have been living all along. But being happy is another story.

So the early morning thoughts. Embrace the day. The small things around me.

What would I do without the company of my birds chirping in my backyard?

Especially my cardinal. Supposed to indicate that angels are near. A sweet thought.

But I do not want angels near. I want my special angel near.

I want him back.

No one really knows what grief for the love of your life really feels like.

Being a pair then being single is such a different journey.

His death was expected. It was not a surprise. He was unwell. He was very sick. He was ready to die. He wanted to die.

So caring and being there had purpose and meaning.

Then death occurred. The duties and things to do after death. Well most were organized prior to his passing.

Done. Then what.

He had asked me what my first bereavement trip would be. Well during COVID a trip to the grocery store every two weeks or buying a lottery ticket. Not much.

I really did not plan past his death. I was not giving up my life. He was my life.

But time has marched on and now is it time to makes some plans for me.

So back to the early morning thoughts. Start with the day. My writing. My personal life long interests. I have so many activities to keep me busy. But busy is not enough.

I want meaningful. I want to be happy.

Perhaps some fun. Laughter they say is good for the soul.

So I want laughter. Something funny to laugh about.

Time to get into action. Enough thinking.

Time for a joke! Three men walk into a bar!!

 

June 14, 2021

Barbara Di Mambro

Copyright 2021 

#earlymorning#griefjourney#thoughtsaboutmyday#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro#barbaramaydimambro#whattodoafterthedeathofalovedone

Thursday, May 28, 2026

THE WIDOW SERIES- THE SUN ON MY FACE

 

The Sun on My Face

A winter day with the sun shining and the crisp white snow made it quite picturesque.

You know the kind of day.

So sitting by the window and letting the sun warm my face brought back so many memories.

Memories of vacations past. Vacations in the sun. Beaches. Swimming. Drinks with little umbrellas. Love making at a slower pace.

February 2, 2023

Barbara Di Mambro

Wednesday, May 27, 2026

THE WIDOW SERIES- WHO NEEDS A BOY TOY?

 Dinners out can be stressful for many widows.

Widow Series-Who needs a boy toy?

She almost regretted going to the dinner. They would be dancing. With no partner she did not want to join the widows table.

Of course, some gentleman would give all the ladies a dance. Whoop.

Miranda did not like the token dance. She did not like the token anything.

The couples with their winks and acting like they had sex.

And all the time!!

So at a table with several couples and one granny, Miranda accepted another glass of wine.

But how did it come up. The winks. The what.

The conversation turned to how women without partners must be wanting some.

Miranda asked- some what?

You know he said. Yes, one of the old fat husbands who thought he was hot! Claudio .

The wives as they do around widows grabbed onto the arms of their spouses.

You know Bill had been sick for awhile and we are sure that sex was not doable. Was It?

Miranda slowly sipped her wine. She thought through what she wanted to say.

Yes Bill was sick, she said. But like most men he thought about sex a lot. He demanded it a lot. He wanted it.

Claudio sort of stuttered. Well I did not mean anything offensive. It is just that you must be missing it.

Snickers. Did she hear snickers?

Miranda sipped her wine again slowly and scouted out the people at the table.

Some of the wives eyes were so sympathetic. The looks of pity. Did Miranda see pity? It looked like pity.

Do they never think they too could lose their husbands?

How do I answer she thought!

What do I say? Do I need to say anything? Do I want to leave?

Miranda looked directly at Claudio. She put on a soft, sexy voice.

Well ,you know Claudio. Bill and I had a very healthy, active sex life. He always cared about how many orgasms I could have in one go. So, over the years he bought several fun toys to use.

He may not be here. But I have those toys. So, with a little imagination and choosing one for the moment I can get my rocks off anytime I like.

I do not need some old fart with balls hanging down to his knees. Nor do I need to wait for the Viagra to do its thing either.

No more snickers.

Miranda asked for someone to get another bottle of white wine for the table. She leaned back in her chair waiting for the next topic of conversation to happen.

She thought about how much she hated these dinners.

March 3, 2024

Copyright

Barbara Di Mambro


Some stories like community outings are short and sweet.

#boytoys#activesexlife#somemencareabouttheirpartners'orgasms#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro#barbaramaydimambro


THE WIDOW SERIES- THE COTTAGE WEEKEND

 This story is just that. A story.


THE COTTAGE WEEKEND

 

As an early riser, she took her camera and her thermos of coffee for a quick walk along the shore until it blocked her to return to the cottage. Sunrise lake pictures were always loved by all.

 

The morning air was refreshing and helped with her pissed mood. How could I be so stupid? Lorraine reflected on the last few weeks.

 

George had been nice enough. Going to the Senior Centre had been a challenge. Usually more of a loner since Michael died, she needed to try something new. Some new social contacts.

Joining the Euchre group seemed innocent enough. She wanted an all ladies group but one was not available so she partnered innocently with George. A couples group. Looking back was it a set up. George needed a partner.

She did notice some of the women at the Centre becoming a little distant with her when it seemed George was giving her too much attention.

A few Wednesdays later, he invited her to coffee before heading home. Starbucks and a latte seemed okay. Then he did not have the exact change, could she pay and he would pay her back.

A phone call and an invite to breakfast the next day. Sunset Grill was a cheap easy meal. No change for the tip after he used his credit card. Sure what’s a couple of toonies.

Meet me at the park. So a walk along Mill Pond.

Let’s go to a movie. He suggested she buy her ticket in advance. Of course when they got there he had left his at home, could she cover him.

My invitation for him to come to dinner. Asked if he would bring the wine and dessert. He showed up with Timbits and a homemade wine he had in his fridge.

First time having sex after Michael died. George wanted to stay overnight. Sure. It seemed the adult thing to do.

After making breakfast and needing to load the dishwasher, George had to leave in a hurry as he had an appointment.

The next game at the Centre, had several people exchanging looks and were they exhibiting knowing eyes.

Lorraine only wanted some social time.

Now a coffee after the game and let’s go back to your place. What’s for dinner after some quick sex. It was a pattern for the month of April leading into May.

Then the big invitation. Would she want to come to the family cottage for the Long weekend. Victoria Day.  Could watch the fireworks across the lake. Knowing she loved photography, bring your camera.

Deciding what to pack. It was supposed to be warmer than normal for that time of May. By the third week, the lake may even be warm enough for a quick dip. So beach towels, soap, shampoo. The usual sweaters and clothes that could be layered for a Canadian Spring.

Sounded romantic enough. Or there did not need to be any romance. Just a chance for a change of scenery.

Hopefully George would stop having to talk about how lonely he had been since the death of his wife. How wonderful it was to have someone in his life to take care of him.

The red flag should have gone up. But Lorraine wanted to think she was special. She still had it, whatever it is supposed to be in your late 60s.

George gave her the instructions to the cottage. He had a last minute appointment and could not drive her. He was sorry to ask her but could she pick up a few things for the weekend. He texted her the list with the stipulation he would pay his share at the cottage.

The list seemed a bit much for two. Again a red flag should have gone up. She knew he had adult children with partners.

The Kawarthas had many lakes so finding Cameron Lake was not difficult with George’s instructions.

When she arrived she notice 3 other cars.

George came out to greet her. He wanted her to meet his children and their partners. So there would be 6 of them for the weekend and not 2.

Okay she thought. Guess it is doable.

He said he had to run for the phone as she lugged 5 bags of groceries and 1 bag of potatoes. She decided to buy a 5 pack of beer and not a case. 2 bottles of wine seemed enough.

George’s children- Derek and his girlfriend Ella looked her over. Then Bill and his girlfriend Carrie said hello.

Derek said “where is the case of beer?”

“ Excuse me” said Lorraine. “ I bought a 6 pack, I was not aware that George and I would have company.”

Derek smiled. Actually smirked. “ George always invites us too!!”

 George ended his phone call. “ I was going to help you with the stuff. Where is the case of beer?”

Lorraine simply said I chose a 6 pack and 2 bottles of wine.

Ella and Carrie said we will take those. Luckily for you Lorraine there is a LCBO 5 miles from here. It opens by 10 on Saturday.

George gave her a hug. “ Glad you could see our place. Do you want to fresh up with a nice bath before making dinner? If it is dirty, the cleaning products are under the sink!”

Everyone and was it just her imagination all looked at each other. Lorraine was shown her room with its unmade bed and inch thick dust on the dresser. She changed into sweats and headed to the washroom.

It was filthy. The tub had a disgusting ring around it. So she made an executive decision. She grabbed her towel and soap. Left the room. Found the group.

“I will freshen up with some cold lake water. I always swam in the lake even on cold days as a child. I guess your cleaning lady did not show up. The washroom is a disaster.”

Everyone seemed surprised with that response.

Lorraine found her way to the dock. She used several dips of wash cloth water and washed her face. She felt it to be rather hot. Was some anger showing?

Feeling better she returned to the cottage.

Derek asked what time dinner would be ready.

Lorraine looked at George.

“What are we having for dinner?”

George said you did bring steaks and potatoes and veggies like I asked.

Sure said Lorraine.

Then let me show you how to use our stove.

She popped the Apple pie to cook in the oven as well as 6 potatoes to bake.

Bill stated “ Carrie is a vegetarian so do not cook the potatoes near the steak.” Then he asked if Lorraine had bought some plant based food.

Lorraine said “ well ingredients for a salad. Who is making the salad?” She put the lettuce, tomato, onion, celery and cucumber on the counter. “ You all know where the bowls are so which one of you is going to make the salad. Carrie you are the vegetarian so maybe you?”

Then Lorraine knew when Carrie was casually answered.

“It’s my weekend off. George’s friends usually spoil all of us. It has been so hard since his wife died. She used to spoil us too.” Fluttering her eyes with helplessness.

“I will be only eating steak and a baked potato so whoever wants some salad can make their own.” Lorraine really wanted some salad but she could be as stubborn as that lot.

The ingredients sat there for the longest time then George started to make it. His children and partners played on their phones.

George told Lorraine the plates and the cutlery were over there so the table could be set.

Lorraine replied” Let’s do buffet style and everyone can plate up from the counter” as she set the plates, cutlery and cups on it! She quickly poured herself some white wine worried there would be none left for her.

Dinner was very quiet. No one really took any time to talk with her. They talked cryptingly. But she understood. They were angry with George with his new girlfriend selection.

Lorraine finished dinner second and rinsed her dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. She noticed no one else cleared their plates. Was she supposed to do it?

George went out for a smoke with his son Bill. When he returned and Lorraine had made herself a herbal tea with the tea she brought with a book under her arms to sit on the deck, he stated, “ Oh you did not clean up the kitchen?”

Lorraine said;” My spot and the pans. Come on George you did not bring me up here to wait on you and your children, did you?”

She brushed by him and stuck her nose in her book. She could hear talking but not the words. She knew they all were not very pleased at all with her. She felt like she was disciplining her children like when they were two.

The wine and beer were gone in no time. Again the inference to no case of beer and there was a LCBO not far away.

It seemed the usual cottage activities occurred- cards and games with the TV on constantly.

Strange. No invite for Lorraine to join the festivities and the dishes sat on the table as well as some in the sink.

Good thing she had her usual sleeping bag she used on trips with family and friends in the Car. She went and retrieved it. Being left out she went to the bedroom early to read some more. Putting the bag on top. She rolled her own towel as a pillow.

When George came to her room later, asking quietly if she was asleep, Lorraine feigned a few hefty snores and rolled on her stomach. George left the room.

Keeping her watch close by she looked at it several times during the night. She wanted to be up before dawn to get some lake pictures.  Finally it was 500 am. She quietly grabbed her bag, small suitcase and toiletries and went down to the dock. Brushed her teeth, washed her face and privates and put on clean underwear and top. She even peed in the bushes. The sweat pants would still do.

After putting her things in the car, she went very quietly back in the cottage and grabbed her food items from the fridge. She saw the request for breakfast and coffees from Tims on the counter with her name at the top to go out and get them. George had not paid her for the current groceries yet alone left money for breakfast. She left an envelope on the counter for George. She went to the car with her groceries and put them in, making sure the door was open slightly.

Grabbing her camera she popped off some early morning shots. The mist. The birds. Some reflections. The trees. She loved taking photos of trees. Then she remembered she had left her flip flops by the door.

She was taking them when Carrie was leaving the washroom after a morning pee.

“ You are up early Lorraine. Where are you going? Smiling! I bet to town to get us all Breakfast from Tims. I knew you would come through”.

Lorraine gave her a look and glanced over at the envelope on the counter addressed to George.

“ No Carrie I am not buying breakfast!!”

She almost ran to the car, started the engine and drove away. She knew the way back home and perhaps she could stop at a few spots for some more photos.

Just Saturday so she did not need to worry about the traffic.

The weekend was before her. She remembered her friend Carol was returning Sunday from her European Cruise. So maybe that was the plan to connect with her.

 

At her first stop for a photo op, she texted her card partners at the Senior Centre. Basically stating she was not coming back to the group. The activity was no longer for her.

She did not tell them she was not going back to the Centre.

She was not desperate for the activities nor their company nor George’s company. He could go back to one of the other women that have been giving her cut eye at their relationship for the last while.

But maybe Lorraine would buy breakfast at Tims. For her and some timbits for the grandchildren when they came over later next week. They freeze well.

Barbara Di Mambro

Copyright- February 2020

 The idea for this story came from the awareness of how some divorced or widowed men expect any woman to take care of them and their children.

#thecottageweekend#thewidowseries#notbeingtakenadvantageofbyfamily#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro#barbaramaydimambro