WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A WIDOW- 5 MAIN COMMENTS

Being married and loving your spouse is a wonderful life gift. Losing your spouse permanently is a major life adjustment.

Although some people mean well or not, there can be many insensitive comments made to the new widow. They resonate long after they are said or written. 

1. Received in a Christmas card message. Sorry about the loss of your husband. But you have your children and grandchildren. The relationship with a spouse is so different than the relationships with other family members. They do not replace the spouse. The intimacy. The sex. The couple jokes.

2. One friend told me many people told her you will find another man in a year or two. So don't worry. She still has not found a man because she has not been looking.

3. Some widows are pressured to sell their house and move smaller. Even the suggestion of a retirement home. Why is it anyone's business what you want to do with your home?

4. It is for the best. You can get on with your life. What if the love and care for your spouse was her life? What if it was not a burden? Wouldn't it be better actually to ask the widow how she feels about it all? 

5. Get out and volunteer. There are lots of other widows' groups you can join. However what if you did not want to join the widows club. What if you wanted to maintain your normal social relationships? What if you want to find your way through your grief your own way?

Widows have to be prepared to be ghosted. Excluded by couples. It is important for other married women to know their husbands are not being eyed. But many feel insecure and think the widow is free and single.

So generalizing that the person would not want to come alone. 

Even for me, I have had a couple of occasions where the wife grabs on to her husband's arm in a social conversation. Body language speaks beyond words. 

Don't worry ladies! Most other husbands do not stand up to the man she lost. If you feel that way, she will chose to stay away from you anyway. The old adage to have few meaningful relationships than a lot of acquaintance ones.

Watch in society! Many other women rush to help the grieving widower but avoid the widow.

As a retired Social Worker, I was prepared for the insensitivities that could occur. When they actually occurred, it was surprising who they came from! 

However, there have been many people in my life that have been great. They are the people that will stay in my life.

Finally being a widow sucks!!

#whatnottosaytoawidow#beingawidowsucks#itisnotforthebest#don'tghostawidow#thewidowsclubisnotforeveryone#maybeyoudonotwantanewman#shewillsellherhousewhenshewantstosellit#otherfamilydonotreplaceaspouse#sexandintimacy##reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro#yesawidowissingleandfreebutshedoesnotwantyourman#missingyourspouse