KEEPING IN TOUCH

We are so fortunate in these times to have so many methods to keep in touch with loved ones, friends and colleagues. Texting, facebook, twitter, emails. I just spoke with two people very close to me. The good old fashioned telephone actually works wonders too. If unable to see someone in person, hearing his/her voice is the next best thing. We tried skype but it was not as great as anticipated. A handwritten note is good too. Long letters take so much time but I am sure there are people in your family that may love to get one occasionally. I used to write my grandmother weekly in my youth as I knew she loved to get mail. For years I wrote to my Auntie Bernice when she was widowed. Of course writing to my folks until we started the email exchange. However, I send a short letter periodically to my mother as she does like the written word in my handwriting. Not everyone wants to send Christmas Cards but I do as a Christmas email is okay but pretty cards displayed is still something I love about Christmas. Receiving thank you notes, birthday cards, even postcards from exotic places. Yes, when I travel, I still send postcards to everyone. How do you keep in touch? Is it important in your life? Do you love to hear from others regularly? What are your chosen methods of communicating from a distance?

MORE FAMILY RESEARCH-BALLPOINT MARIPOSA TOWNSHIP KAWARTHA LAKES

After a busy work day, I can get lost in my research notes of my family history groups. I go to another time and place as I continue to put the pieces together. One project is taking much energy as I try to complete the family lines of one set of my great-great grandparents who lived on Ball Point farm- Lake Scugog, Ontario in the 1800's. It is partly history and partly family history. Do you have a story to tell about your family? Do you have a line that is causing you problems? Genealogy has come a long way. Just go to any website of a location of where your ancestors lived and look for genealogy information. In Ontario, a good beginning site is the Ontario Genealogical Society. There are so many books written to assist with your beginning efforts. Do you know the easiest way to get started with your family history? Talk to all your living relatives especially the older generation, write everything down or videotape the information as it is presented. Easy to know about your grandparents when they give the names of their parents and grandparents then having to search through the records after they are gone. Researching can become addictive as new information is recovered. For many genealogy is a passion.

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BEACHES

Reminiscing about vacations taken I started to think about the beaches I have walked. Usually with my husband Adolph. In my childhood we camped in Algonquin Park and stayed at Rock Lake which had a small beach. The beaches in Florida are long and many. St. Petersburg and Long Boat Key near Sarasota with the children on two different trips. Fort Lauderdale on the East Coast during Spring Break- I was not a college kid at the the time which may have been more fun for me if I had been.Freeport, Bahamas- Lucaya Beach. Barbados has lovely beaches- know the one in St. Lawrence Gap area. Jamaica in the town of Oracabessa area when I graduated from University in 1975 was one of those cheap charter trips.Of course Mexico- three times to Cancun and the beach area. Long walks. During a Cruise visited Magens Bay in St. Thomas and a small beach in St. Croix. Mostly tours of cities in Italy but did go to the beautiful beach of Sperlonga on the west coast and on Sardinia in a quiet bay on a a small beach there. Adolph's cousin Lillina owned a vacation unit so it was rather private. In Southern Ontario, Washaga Beach which is a day trip beach adventure. One of the most famous world beaches is Waikiki in Hawaii with Diamond Head in the background. Two times there- the most significant on my honeymoon in 1971. Years ago I purchased a travel album of a rich Torontonian who travelled to many places in 1910. The lady selling the album would not say who the person had been. How fitting that the pictures here are Waikiki in 1910- one hundred years ago. Are there beaches that have been a part of your life? Is the joy of walking the beach instilled in your memory? Have you enjoyed just sitting on the beach watching the waves roll in? Can you hear the sound of the water?

HEARING BUT NOT LISTENING

We all hear noise, people, friends, colleagues everyday but how often do we really listen to what others tell us. Unfortunately rarely. We say to a loved one that I told you about it so many times, weren't you listening? Hearing takes no effort but to listen takes time and commitment. Why do so many people want to see a therapist, a counsellor, a social worker? Well it is because someone listens. In my early counselling training a key phrase was- " I hear you saying". Funny, but really it should have been "I am truly listening to you." Listening means making eye contact, stopping to wait for the person to finish talking. Listening beyond the content and trying to understand the feeling behind it. Words can be deceptive but the tone, body language give the true message. Questioning and reflecting the responses back to the person, digging to determine if the person has been understood. A technique I use with children is to squat and be at their level so the child knows I am listening or simply to sit on a chair side by side- being equal. With little ones, sitting on the floor works wonders. On a daily basis, we are asked- How are you? I'm fine, thank you, how are You? We really do not want the person to tell us how he/she is doing as it just would take too much time. How many times do you say- fine, when really you are not fine but you know the person asking is really not interested in you beyond the friendly, courteous greeting, so just fine, thank you. Sometimes it is easier just to keep concerns quiet. If no one is going to listen, why bother to say anything. Or have you thought someone understood everything you were telling them and actually did not understand anything! Relationships are destroyed because no one was listening! Have there been times in your life you needed someone to listen? Have you tried and tried to be understood? Sometimes do you just hear but not listen!

WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE

We all make mistakes. We all have times when someone has hurt us. We all have events that affect our lives bringing remorse, regret, and sometimes we may even want revenge. The moments move along and can not be changed. But the impact can continue to eat away at us causing what seems like a deep gorge in our soul. To free us can we just say it is "water under the bridge." To accept but not like what has influenced us takes courage. To move on takes strength. We all know others who can not let go. If we can let go, we can truly grow. Can you let it be water under the bridge?

MORE BRIDGES

We think of a bridge as a link from one side to another. A bridge separates two worlds. In some cultures the bridge can be seen as something that is perceived on one side and something beyond perception on the other side. Dreams with bridges or bridgelike images can indicate change coming in our lives- change from one thing to another, one job to another, a new journey. Bridges take us places. Bridges can save the traveller time like The Burlington Skyway in Ontario- a long bridge to the Niagara Region with a view of Lake Ontario. Famous bridges like Il Ponte Vecchio- the old bridge- located in Florence, Italy. Probably one of the most photographed in the world. We can get a bridge loan when finances warrant it. Even a rainbow can be seen as a bridge. Bridges can be small, big, flat or with arches. Movies about bridges- like the Bridges of Madison County. Does the word bridge conjure a feeling, special meaning for you? Do you have pictures of bridges?

CROSS THAT BRIDGE

When we come to it. Worry can be a motivator to do today that should not be put off until tomorrow. Too often in our lives fret and worry can hinder the enjoyment of the moment. The issue can seem like a deep gorge with no way to solve the problem. Worrying about everything can be become a habit that freezes us from living. In every family there can be the chronic worrier. It's a sunny day, great for the picnic- it might rain. Take that highway- there may be an accident. And the negativity can be unbearable. Planning and thinking ahead about safety are positive strategies. Done, then letting go to allow whatever will happen is real living.

If there are just too many things on your plate, dealing with one at a time can be grounding. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it can be a way to adjust to the harried life we often lead. Are you a chronic worrier? Do you try to resolve the immediate issues and plan for the future positively?

JOINED AT THE HIP

Some couples say they do everything together. They have never slept apart from each other. They are so close. They complete each other's sentences. I know people who envy these couples.Some couples have some distance. Think of the military couple with the job requirement of overseas assignments and months apart. Couples come in all shapes and sizes. If it works for the individuals involved, then we leave it alone. As long as it is not abusive or there is a real pathological power imbalance, then assistance may be offered.
Frankly, I like to do many activities separate from my spouse. We do have common interests but also different interests. I would have lost myself as a person if I had not continued to pursue my own activities. We are family oriented-loving those children, grandchildren and extended families with many family functions and ways to keep in touch with those far away.
Are you joined at the hip with your partner? Do you like moments of togetherness and moments of separateness? What kind of couple are you?

SAINTE-MARIE AMONG THE HURONS

In Southern Ontario, in the town of Midland- Simcoe County is this replica of the original mission of Sainte-Marie Among the Hurons. It was the first French mission west of the Ottawa River established in 1639 for the Jesuits. Huronia is the name given today for the area around the southern shores of Georgian Bay. The mission thrived until 1649 when the Jesuits burned and abandoned it after the devastation of the Huron nation by the Iroquois. Author Kenneth E. Kidd wrote a book in 1949 - " The Excavaton of Sainte-Marie I" published by the University of Toronto Press and Elisabeth Tooker wrote " An Ethnography of the Huron Indians- 1615-1649" in 1967. Both give more indepth accounts of the historical significances of the site. There is also a reconstructed Huron village near the mission in Midland that provides an experiential view of life. They are an easy day's jaunt from the GTA through picturesque countryside. Can you tell it is a place I could visit often? I studied the history of Native Canadians several times in my university days. Reading documents like the volumes of The Jesuits Relations and Allied Documents and the travels of Samuel de Champlain gave a deeper appreciation of our history as well as the interplay between our aboriginal people and the newcomers- the white man. However, without reading any history books, both sites can be appreciated and understood. Where I live in Richmond Hill- York Region there were Huron settlements for hundreds of years. The corn that was so prolific here before the advancement of more subdivisions was indicative of the Huron, Neutral and Petun( Tobacco) tribes that depended on it as a staple. I always like to tell new people to my area about the historic base of the corn fields. In case you did not know, the Hurons invented the game of Lacrosse. Are there historic places near you that you visit? Are there periods in Canadian history that attract your interest? Or do you prefer world history? Sainte-Marie among the Hurons and surroundings are worth a trip if you are in Southern Ontario.

THE SUMMER GARDEN

The fresh vegetables from a backyard garden are one of the joys of summer. Hot house tomatoes are nothing like eating the fresh ones picked by our own hands. They are really fruit but everyone thinks tomatoes are vegetables.Sometimes there are bumper crops. This year we have zucinni for breakfast in an omelette, fried zucinni for lunch and part of a vegetable mix for dinner. If we really wanted we could even snack on a zucinni. Eggplants are good this year too.If no green thumb, a trip to a farm or farmer's market do give the same results. Fresh is fresh- locally grown- supporting our farmers.
Do you have a backyard vegetable patch? Or do you prefer an outing to a local farm or roadside stall to benefit from the summer's bounty?

A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE

We can live in our own world where we think our opinion is the only opinion. Then something can happen that jolts us into needing to view life, a situation with a different perspective. Like the tulips in an evergreen tree. Done by my granddaughter while playing. They do not belong there but somehow it works! A baby crawls on the floor and looks up. Have you ever lie on the floor like a baby and look up! A different perspective of the room. Working in a hospital it is always important to try to imagine or feel what it is like to be a patient. "That person in room 12 is so crabby." Is the person in pain, missing loved ones, just fed up with being sick? Stopping to imagine another perspective can help to find solutions to problems. We can become stuck, with blinders on our eyes, not seeing from side to side. Freeing ourselves from the need to be right to finding a middle ground can be very enlightening. Just listening to someone and not trying to have the perfect response can bring a different perspective to that person too. Have you ever stopped and put your view aside to try to grasp another's? Have you looked at all the sides of a situation and found a different solution than you had initially?

A NEW ADDITION

Each time a new baby comes into this world, a new hope begins. What will this child bring? Who will he or she be? The joy of being a grandparent is the new arrival. Another little personality to love. Today another new addition came into my family. Have you welcomed someone new in your life?

QUIT CLOWNING AROUND

Clowns are those funny dressed people we see at the Circus. Or are they? Many families or groups have a clown. It can be a significant role. Someone who takes the pressure off others by clowning around. Let me act silly! Things are just too serious. Many Children's hospitals use clown therapy with very ill children. It becomes a positive aspect to hear children laugh and have a different side to the sterile hospital setting. Actually in real life clowns can be annoying as there are times when the issues need to be discussed. There is a time to laugh and clown around but there is also a time to deal with the current concern. Have there been clowns in your life that have helped? Hindered? Are you the clown in your family?

BY MY HANDS

Crafts, handwork, knitting crocheting, quilting have always been a part of my life. As a young girl I learnt to knit and would attempt a scarf. It would grow and grow as I would add a stitch, drop a stitch and it would become an odd shaped project. Over the years I have endeavored to make many items. Clothes for my girls when they were little. Sweaters. In recent years I have preferred to make the baby blankets, baby hats as the grandchildren started to come. I do love quilts and one of my more industrious projects was my anniversary quilt. Around the time Adolph and I were celebrating our 25th anniversary, the film- "How to make an American Quilt" was popular. I thought why not an anniversary quilt for our anniversary. By the time it was finished I think we were celebrating our 27th anniversary. I found the initial idea for the finished product expanded. I started with 8 contained rectangles but realized that marriage was not so contained! Life had overlap. So the items spilled out of the rectangles. I used symbolic ideas and fabric from many times in my life like the purple squares bought on my honeymoon to Hawaii. The colosseum and Italian flag came from the anniversary trip to Italy. Flowers, the beach fabric, elephants, garden, Christmas- all meaningful aspects of our marriage. My quilt hangs in my front hall. One day when I am tired of it, I''ll wash it and use it as a blanket. Have you made a special project with your hands that is so reflective of your life? Has it grown as the realization that it had a life of its own? Do you relish in your own creative process? If not, why not? Do you have an idea you want to begin? Why not begin it today?

THIRTEENTH

Friday the 13th often brings the superstitious out in all of us. Hard to know when the 13th became a bad omen. Actually there are people in my life that have a birthday on the 13th and have had good luck. Good luck charms, rituals have often been part of many people's lives. We see it with sports' figures. Like the Curler who did not change his socks! Do you have any thoughts or know of others who fear the 13th, do not walk under a ladder, watch out for the black cat or in Italian- il mal'occhio- the evil eye. Personally I prefer to think we can make choices that take us in the right directions. Any ideas?

THE CN TOWER

In every city there is a landmark that is seen for miles. Toronto has the CN Tower. I live north of the city but it can be seen when driving down Yonge Street miles away. It is my marker for South. Visitors must go up the tower-but it is a very expensive elevator ride. The view is incredible on a good day. On a foggy day you can not see very much. While downtown the CN Tower is there. Many places have famous landmarks- the Effiel Tower, Big Ben, the Pyramids, Golden Gate Bridge, St. Lawrence River, the Foothills. In olden days, the travellers used the north star as a marker. Landmarks are everywhere. There are some that have been in our consciousness our whole lives. We return to special spots just to revisit them. In your travels what has been your favourite ones? In your home community, what keeps you grounded? If you come to Ontario, you must visit the CN Tower. It's calling you!

WHEN HE CLOSES A DOOR

He opens a window. We often hear this saying as if every hard time we face we should approach with joy. Sometimes the door that is being closed is too painful.Thinking there is any light at the end of the tunnel takes courage. Life can have its shadows too. Is this what is called a leap of faith? We go looking for the window. Or are we shut inside and look for the window to get out? Yes anyone facing a tough situation knows this too shall pass. Hope for the best! Have there been times in your life where you doubted there will be a window? Have you looked back at those times where the pain has lifted and yes life does go on? Faith is an interesting quality to have. There are times it pulls us through.

FAMILY EMERGENCY

It never ceases to amaze me when there is a family crisis how quickly everyone comes together. In this modern world with families spread far away and often continents apart that the bonds prevail. Now with the speed of emails, facebook, cell phones contact can be made so quickly.
Have you had an emergency and needed the support of family?

CHICHEN ITZA TOUR

My trip to Cancun, Mexico in January 1985 helped fulfill a dream. I had read the book The Lost World of Quintana Roo by Michel Peissel in High School which told of Mayan ruins in the Yucatan Pennisula. He had visited the region in the early 1960's before it was excavated and became a major tourist area for Mexico. The day we took the two hour bus tour to Chichen Itza from Cancun was very thrilling for me. It is a large site with lots of walking between the buildings. Since it is inland from the ocean, the heat made the tour tiring. When I look at the photos in one of several travel albums, I wish I had taken many more. Over the years I have clipped many articles about the site as well as Mayan culture and history.
One of the stories from the trip was the attempt to climb the pyramid- travelling with friends, Adolph and his friend Tony climbed ahead of Lidia-Tony's wife- and me. The steps were very steep so Lidia and I tried to use the chain in the middle of the stairway to climb but decided it was too scary and went back down. We saw Adolph and others at the top. Many tourists were descending butt first, holding on to the chain with dear life. I had my movie camera and was waiting to film Adolph descending. Waiting and waiting I did not see him. Then I saw his butt slowly approaching the edge of the steps, grabbing onto the chain and coming down very, very slowly. I had trouble keeping the camera in focus as I was laughing so hard. Adolph told us, he ran to the top, but when he started to look out and down, the height overcame him. He had to grab on the wall for awhile before attempting to make his descent.
Apparently, tourists are not allowed to climb the pyramid anymore. Although I have visited some other small sites on Mexican visits, one of my bucket list goals is to tour the Yucatan Pennisula visiting all the other big sites. For now my memory of Chichen Itza must suffice!

HAVE YOUR CAKE

And eat it too! Life may be a box of chocolates according to Forest Gump but for most of us it would not be complete without cake. How many pictures are centered around the cake of the moment? Birthday cake with all the candles and "make a wish". The happy couple with their wedding cake. The bigger the cake the more prestigious the wedding! Old fashioned fruit cake made in advance of Christmas so the rum can ferment! Angel food cake for the dieters! Strawberry Shortcake to take advantage of the summer crop. Peach upside down cake. Chocolate cake, vanilla cake- which flavour do you like! Come to the Retirement tea-there's going to be cake! The popular children's cake- individual cupcakes iced as one big cake. How about that Ice Cream Cake! Best of both worlds.

Even baked goods with another name- Banana Bread really tastes like cake. Can you recall an occasion where the cake was the main event of the meal? Can't go home yet until you have some cake! Cake from stratch, cake mix or from the bakery, cake reminds us of good times with family and friends.

BEACH FINDS

A walk on the beach sparks many images in us. A quiet lake, a roaring ocean, a peaceful river can yield a beach. One of my favourite endeavors as a child and even into adulthood is the opportunity to explore and discover what the water brought to its edge. Camping in Algonquin Park, Ontario- Rock Lake- gave me pieces of flint and even one perfect little arrowhead as life long treasures. Southern trips and the opportunity to go "shelling". Pretty pebbles from a beach in Sardinia. Nature at its best. How many times have we just sat on a beach staring out into the distance, discovering what contemplative thoughts occur. Able to slow down and relish the moment. A bonfire and roasting marshmellows with an unplanned beach party. Playing beach volleyball. Hitting a beach ball. Or just plain suntanning! We can find ourselves gravitating to water. Everyone has a favourite beach. What are your beach memories? Do you have a place with the perfect beach? What have you found there?

THOSE IMMIGRANT STORIES

Pier 21 in Halifax, Nova Scotia was the entry for many immigrants arriving in Canada. My husband Adolph and his family arrived there June 29, 1959. When Pier 21 became a museum site many years ago, I sent the Adolph Di Mambro story to them. In return, I was given a picture of the ship Queen Frederica. They sailed on that ship to Canada.
The Di Mambros left Cassino to go to Naples, June 18, 1959. They sailed first to Genoa, Italy, to the straits of Gibraltar and across the ocean to Canada. He describes the voyage as fun, lots to eat, played games: shuffleboard and table tennis- "never a dull moment". He had lots of fun. It was an adventure for him. His first sip of Coke tasted like cough medicine. The train ride from Halifax to Toronto was disconcerting. He wondered where his mother had taken the family. The vast open spaces were so different to Italy, with a shack every few miles and a dozen people waving at the train.
He remembered the first time he had Canadian bread. Adolph rolled it up and tried to bounce it. It sure was not the crunchy Italian bread he knew.
His trip from Italy was not steerage that others had experienced in previous times.
My ancestors- various family groups arrived at different intervals. One group- in 1765 to the USA, others to Ontario in 1820, 1830, 1840 and the latest in 1878 from Ireland. My folks were poorer and definitely travelled steerage.
I recorded Adolph's story and it is on the Immigrant list at Pier 21-can even access it from the Internet.
Have you tried to search your family roots? If you know your history, have you recorded it? Are there gaps? Talk to the older members of your family, better yet, video tape them. Future generations will thank you.

THE ART IN OUR LIVES

Without art the world would be a different place. From the caveman days with primitve art to modern times, art surrounds us. Art galleries hold each country's treasures. I gravitate to art that holds some meaning. Paul Peel (1860-1892) a well known Canadian artist won an award for his AFTER THE BATH in 1890. It is one of my favourite paintings with the two girls drying themselves by the fireplace after their bath. Two girls-two daughters! A reproduction of his painting has hung on their bathroom wall since they were small. The original hangs in the Art Gallery of Ontario.
Art is also used in therapy as a process. The end result is secondary. Art as a product has individuals making money off new artists- hold onto their works, it may be valuable some day!
Gainsborough is another artist whose works I find interesting. THE MORNING WALK is meaningful to me, I really do not know why- I just like it. It has been reproduced on many items. I have a cookie tin with its picture. Contains some of my keepsakes.
Children love to draw from a young age. Those early scribbles to finger painting to real images help families tell their stories through creative endeavors. How many walls, fridges, and bulletin boards hold cherished treasures from little hands.
What art soothes you? Do you have favourite artists? Do you dabble in art? What medium? Art is more than paintings. It can be found everywhere.

A NEW BEGINNING

A new month. A new beginning for several people I know. From a painful place months ago to a joyful place today. A family birthday. A daughter's anniversary. August lets us know summer is nearing an end. Enjoy the month- every day. In Toronto, the EX- Canadian National Exhibition marks the end of summer. Must go as it is a local and childhood tradition for me. We are reminded with each beginning, a phase has ended.

August always reminds me of my father-in-law's death years ago.

Are you beginning something new today? Has something ended for you with July gone? Not all beginnings are joyful when there has been a loss. What does your new beginning bring you?