HEARING BUT NOT LISTENING

We all hear noise, people, friends, colleagues everyday but how often do we really listen to what others tell us. Unfortunately rarely. We say to a loved one that I told you about it so many times, weren't you listening? Hearing takes no effort but to listen takes time and commitment. Why do so many people want to see a therapist, a counsellor, a social worker? Well it is because someone listens. In my early counselling training a key phrase was- " I hear you saying". Funny, but really it should have been "I am truly listening to you." Listening means making eye contact, stopping to wait for the person to finish talking. Listening beyond the content and trying to understand the feeling behind it. Words can be deceptive but the tone, body language give the true message. Questioning and reflecting the responses back to the person, digging to determine if the person has been understood. A technique I use with children is to squat and be at their level so the child knows I am listening or simply to sit on a chair side by side- being equal. With little ones, sitting on the floor works wonders. On a daily basis, we are asked- How are you? I'm fine, thank you, how are You? We really do not want the person to tell us how he/she is doing as it just would take too much time. How many times do you say- fine, when really you are not fine but you know the person asking is really not interested in you beyond the friendly, courteous greeting, so just fine, thank you. Sometimes it is easier just to keep concerns quiet. If no one is going to listen, why bother to say anything. Or have you thought someone understood everything you were telling them and actually did not understand anything! Relationships are destroyed because no one was listening! Have there been times in your life you needed someone to listen? Have you tried and tried to be understood? Sometimes do you just hear but not listen!