NANA SAYS PARENTING RULES HAVE CHANGED

Listening to my daughters discussing parenting and how some things have changed was fodder for a post at a recent family get together. They were allowed to walk home from school alone at a young age, play outside and be responsible for their homework. My 4 year old granddaughter can not play alone outside in her own yard. My kids did- it was very fenced in but they could be alone with Mom checking every few minutes. Their school work was their responsibility. Now parents have to sign 

every note they see! Every little thing their child has been doing at school. Children can feel they are watched constantly.

 One of the concerns was teaching responsibility gradually. The magic age when they can be alone can be overwhelming without some earlier preparations and responsibilities. So how can modern parents teach and encourage responsibility? Children do need to suffer the consequences of their actions. For example, if they lie, then learning what happens when called out can be a learning opportunity. Not a punishment! Also why do they need to lie! Working on the reason- saving face, afraid to be stupid, insecurities etc. Helping the child with the behaviour!

But some parenting has not changed. Things are the same, they just feel different. Remembering your childhood as the child not the parent is very different. A child may think the parent does not know everything but don't bet on it. Maybe I missed some things but I was very aware of lots of things. Deciding when to intervene and not! So comparing how you were parented and how you are parenting are two distinct concepts. The important take away for me was how to support my daughters as they parent. How to grandparent! How to learn what is different and what is the same to support, care and well just love my grandchildren. Listening to criticisms of my parenting is not also easy but taking a step back and listening to it all helps with the larger family system. What really hasn't changed is how parenting is draining and rewarding at the same time! Yes the grandchildren test this Nana every time I am alone with them. I tell them I just want to have fun! So how is your parenting going? What are your dilemmas? What do you see as your strengths? Remember just getting through the day can be a huge strength!

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