NANA SAYS CAN WORKING MOTHERS HAVE IT ALL

Work and home. Home and work. Most working mothers feel the pressure of accomplishing both. Being the third generation of working mothers, i.e. those who work outside the home as all mothers work for their families, not much thinking has changed. What has changed are some of the supports around those mothers. Like more convenient healthy foods that can be bought at any supermarket. Nannies are more prevalent. Women have better paying jobs. Cellphones to connect quicker with others in the family system. The pressures have not changed. Even with the view that Dads are doing more, the reality is men often are not. The women still picks up the slack for meals and household tasks. Getting a cleaning lady may help but who cleans the clutter in between the visits. Little children are lots of work. As children get older they assist with household duties. Until the teen years where they may rebel, not even wanting to tidy their rooms! So what is having it all mean! What does it mean to the average working mother! Over the generations there have been different definitions. Supermom!  Martyr Mom! So what kind of new definition will there be! Take a step back and remember you waned to be a mother, a parent. Staying organized really helps. In my day I even lectured and wrote some articles on having a balanced life-work and home. There are more books out now on the same old themes. The feeling of being pressured has not changed. The reality is-there is pressure and it is hard work. So stop trying to be everything all the time. Remember take a step back, deciding what is important for now. One example I give. When my children were preschoolers, I let the bed and clean kitchen  go unattended before I left for work. We would have a 15 minute cuddle time on the couch before getting ready to leave. Oh yes I came home to a mess but so what. It was only for a few years. Now it is not an issue-I do not have two little kids to cuddle every morning. I have grown up children that love and respect me as I do them. What is the important balance for you? Look around to older mothers in your midst! We did it too. The work, the home, the lessons and we remember how hard it was. So don't try to pretend your harder is harder! Perhaps dialogue with the other generations on how they did it and felt. I find myself listening to younger women and offering support that way. Not preaching or telling them anything unless asked. Parenting is not a fairy tale where you marry your princess, live in a castle and live happily ever after! The castle still needs cleaning and the children need meals. So make a decision to enjoy those little children. If you can afford-hire the nanny, the cleaning lady, take the clothes to the cleaners and for some people the grandparents pick up all the slack of babysitting every day. Or you can do it yourself just priotizing what is most important for now. For what it is worth-I did not have a nanny, cleaning lady or a real backup plan when the kids were at day care so I do remember how tough it was. Yes I am a good listener.