VICARIOUS TRAUMA-HELP FOR THE FIRST RESPONDERS

Those who work with difficult and traumatic events as part of a job can through the nature of the work start to experience vicarious trauma.What does this mean? Basically it is the emotions, thoughts and reactions of the worker who through the work relate to the events of trauma with the victims or survivors.Witnessing, hearing the stories and counselling others can have an impact over time on the helper.

With the recent events in Alberta where so many people are affected, it brought to light a wonderful book on the subject. "In the Line of Fire-Trauma in the Emergency Services" written by two very skilled Canadians Cheryl Regehr and Ted Bober. Both very involved in the GTA Crisis management team at the Pearson Airport as well as a wealth of experiences in their fields.. Dr. Regehr has been a professor and writer at the Faculty of Social Work at the University of Toronto. She is now the Provost for the University. I first heard her talk on Canada AM after September 11th where she was one of many experts from a variety of fields addressing the concerns. Her knowledge of grief, trauma and survival impressed me. The book addressed the issues of trauma especially the studies with firemen, police and others dealing with the front lines of tragedies. Usefull studies as well as ways to survive and deal with the emotions and feelings that surface from such events.

There are many books on surviving Post Traumtic Stress Syndrome useful to clinicians. I have a workbook with exercises to use with patient or clients. Hopefully those dealing with the fires do have Employee Assistance Programs at the their workplaces to be available to debrief and guide the first responders in recovery from the work.

Here in Ontario we have some legislation that now recognizes PTSD with firemen and police and other disciplines that could suffer from it. It allows through Workers Safety Insurance Board to recognize PTSD as a disability. Think about the sadness of many of our soldiers in the past two years who have committed suicide. PTSD is insidious and works at the souls of people. Whether directly experiencing the trauma or helping those who have experienced it taking ownership of all the feelings and emotions will enable the workers to deal with it effectively. PTSD for those directly involved and vicarious trauma for the workers around events.

AN ANNIVERSARY CRIUISE-THE TORONTO HARBOUR

Really wanting to do something for our anniversary, a simple Toronto harbour cruise was fun. A brunch served as part of the day was easy on the walking for my hubbie.

The young maitre de, Rio asked where we originated. When I said I was born in Toronto as was my mother, he seemed a little perplexed. Perhaps with the city's diversity, it needs to be said there are many multi generational Canadians around the town. It seemed with the party beside us where the birthday boy was turning 96 it was evident there were more of us!

Capturing a Porter Airlines plane flying into the Toronto Airport was a good photo.

The day was unseasonally cold but many were taking their sailboats for  a spin! The water had lots of white caps so I don't know if I would be sailing. The warmth of our cabin was just fine.

The tour lasted two hours plus and took us in around the Toronto islands. An easy and fun way to spend an anniversary day. We would have walked around downtown but it would have been just too cold.

45 WAYS TO KEEP A MARRIAGE ALIVE

Celebrating my 45th wedding anniversary May 15, 2016, I thought I would share some words of wisdom about marriage.

1. Be married for 45 years!. Marriage is like a roller coaster ride with highs, lows, dips and valleys!

2. Have children! Become a family!

3. Have grandchildren! The reason you had children.

4. Love those in your family that deserve your attention and stay away from those that don't. Okay to disown family members that are toxic. Have meaningful friends. Support your community, province, country and the world.

5. Love our own parents and your spouse's parents. They usually die before you do so will be our of your life before you realize.

6. Have lots of parties. Big ones, little ones, for a good reason and no reason at all.

7.Go to events when you have an invitation. Even the children's parties.

8. Have lots of sex. A colleague who was unmarried once told me she would rather have 2 weeks of steamy sex a year than married sex. Who says married sex is not steamy? Even boring sex is not so bad!!

9. Be grateful. Thank your spouse often for the smallest things. Respect each other!

10. Divide up the chores. Each takes ownership of contributing to the chores.There is no such thing as female work or male work. Dirty laundry comes from both sexes. Put your dirty underwear in the hamper. Match your own socks.

11. Laughter. Laugh a lot. If you are a cute klutz like my husband, there is lots to laugh about!

12. Be a shoulder to cry on. Sad times can be shared.

13. Sleep in the same bed. Be near each other.

14. Love each other even through the bad times.

15. Love through the good times.

16. Love through the mediocre times.

17. Be proud of your spouse's accomplishes. A little bragging or a lot. Celebrate together.

18. Do not be sexist. Mine is the cook. I am the breadwinner.

19. Hold hands when you walk anywhere.

20. Hold hands sitting on the couch.

21. Hold hands at night sometimes to let your spouse know you are there.

22. Take care of each other when sickness occurs.

23. Tell him he's handsome. Tell her she's beautiful.

24. Try to like the friends and other relatives. Try to learn about the other's culture.

25. Have activities you do separately.

26. Have activities you do together.

27. Eat healthy food. Exercise. Take care of your heath.

28. Eat unhealthy food sometimes. Have regular cheat days.

29. Make a toast to the good times- with your favourite beverage.

30. Keep the memories of loved  ones alive with each other and family.

31. Have at least 2 TVs so each can watch their own shows. Especially with the converter! Nice for each to do their own flipping through the channels.

32. Go to movie together. And buy popcorn!

33. Go out to dinner. Or a breakfast or a lunch. Fun to be on a date.

34. Order in so there is no cooking to be done.

35.Make a surprise gift even if it is not a birthday or Christmas.

36. Use candle light or low light- not for romance, it just makes you look younger.

37. Less comments about the wrinkles, pot belly or changing body. Be like Michael Buble- you can dance with someone else but come home with me tonight.

38. Listen, really listen to what the other is saying. Try to talk less and listen more.

39. Exercise together. Walking is easy. Ride a bike. Swim. Dance- dancing is good. Especially slow dancing.

40. Don't interrupt when your spouse is sharing some news in company even if you have heard it a thousand times. Jokes- let your spouse tell the same one to new people.

41.Pose for pictures when asked. Photos are a great way to keep memories alive. Besides a year from now you will see them and know you were younger. Photos do improve with age.

42. Dream together. Have dreams and goals and keep the bucket list going. You might not complete everything but you can give it a college try.

43.If he's cold cover him with a blanket. If she's cold, give her a cuddle.

44. No secrets. No lies. Be a trusting person that shares.

45. Hope you will have another day, year together.

46. Always count your blessings. No one's life is without challenges or hardships but getting through them to the good times are life's little blessings. So maybe we'll make it to #46, who knows!!

Happy Anniversary to my High School Sweetheart and to all the other married couples who struggle every day!!
Barbara

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FRIDAY THE 13TH

13 is that number that can be lucky or otherwise. Jesus and the 12 disciplines is a positive force. It is is interesting that 1 and 3 equals 4- an unlucky number in Chinese culture. The day will bring what a normal Friday brings- lots of work to get things in order for the weekend. I just think it is another day. Bad luck has happened for me on many other days over the years. Good luck has happened likewise. So do you have trepidations about the day or its it just another Friday on your calendar?

TRAUMATIC EVENTS CAN LEAD TO LIFELONG ANXIETY

Without thinking about it a traumatic event happens and your life turns upside down. Think about the recent fire in Fort McMurray and driving through flames. Well how many people do you think will have Post Traumatic Stress from it. Lots! The healing begins as quickly as it can to the event. If support- emotional support is given quickly- the long term effects will be lessened. But there will be long term effects. Think of soldiers, victims of abuse, natural disasters- well the list could be endless. Anxiety is one of those underrated human occurrences. We all have some which can be more or less depending on the day or time of life. Change brings lots of anxiety. Even going on a trip- the packing, the organizing, the tasks! PTSD is one form of anxiety. Flashbacks, triggers, hypervigilance, nightmares, panic attacks! Moodiness! Why me? There are trained crisis intervention workers that have hit the ground running in the recent event.  Providing a place to stay, essentials of life, food, toiletries, activities began from the moment people arrived to safety. Hope there will be survival! Rebuilding! Many Canadians have lived through floods, tornadoes, bad weather events, personal accidents, tragedies, returning from serving our country. We have not done a great job at recognizing the effects of those events. We have not done enough for the First Responders and the trauma they faced. Let's hope that the mass exodus from a community will give recognition to the stress,anxiety, fear and maybe depression for many that will come to light and the mental health and health resources will be given. Although some will say they are coping just fine, leave me alone, may just be in the numb zone of denying any feelings. PTSD can manifest its ugly head months after an event. It is a current event that can be linked to those soldiers who committed suicide from their PTSD. Police officers who left a job from the traumas they faced. Not pretending to tough it up- it's our job but to recognize the work. Talk about it- how can we help. Use writing, art, music, a sports activity to work through the feelings and internal struggles! For some talking therapy! Having supports in place. Addressing the instrumental tasks like the Employment Insurance, house insurance, getting back to work, some normal activities. All these tasks give hope to many. Giving back some sense of control! Always ask- how can I help. Sometimes just being there and listening- validating the experience was a tough one! As a clinician one of my goals for people is to recognize the stressors and to learn strategies of dealing with it. But acceptance it is part of who the person will be for the rest of their lives! It is always the first real step in healing! Face it head on! Learining to live with it!

NANA SAYS LET CHILDREN DO SOME CHORES

Even very little children can have a job in the house. Putting their shoes neatly by the door and hanging their sweaters or jackets on their own hook. As children age, making their bed, putting their dishes in the sink or dishwasher. Little chores for little people. Big chores for big people. The sky is the limit as a house and grounds have so many tasks. So with spring the garden can incorporate the children. Give them a spot to plant something either pretty flowers or seeds for vegetables. The children can water and weed their little patch in the garden. Even sweeping the back porch or barbecue area to keep it clean of outdoor debris. Making children responsible for some of their lives is good learning. Then when they come to the workplace, colleagues will not have to say- your mother does not work here! On the larger outings for picnics or to parks, teach them to pick up any garbage in their area and not to litter! If you do not want someone to throw garbage on your lawn and property, then do not let little ones throw anything in the big world out there. Learning from a young age to be aware and responsible for their piece of the world is a good thing!

THE JOY OF MAY

The green buds on the trees turning to leaves. The song birds singing. The magnolia trees blossoming with pink. The weather slowly warming. The smiles on faces. May brings the hope of a season outside and fun. For those with allergies time to take your seasonal pills. Tulips prolific in the garden- variety of colours and shapes. The joy of May!

                                                            Oh the joy of tulips!