THE WIDOW SERIES- The Plane in the Sky

 

I have had some many writing projects over the last 8 years since retirement. Genealogy stories, my memories of various areas of my life, some poems and a series of short stories/vignettes of widowhood. They are stories and often really not a reflection of how I felt and am feeling now. I needed to get out to get out of the habit of being too simple in my writing. My personal reflections of my journey with Adolph and our love are privately contained in my journal writing. The stories come from my imagination, my professional experiences and observances of people and life around me.

So I decided rather than leave the stories in a pile of hardcopy prints and files on my computer but to post them here in my blog.

So here goes with one my stories. 

The Plane in the Sky

I heard it at 540 am. It woke me up. Time to pee and just start my day.

The RED eye!

The plane from the West that flies over before heading to Pearson.

Reminded me of that trip west. Well it was the last trip we took.

Visiting family in Calgary then going to Banff and Jasper. The fun touring and photographing those beautiful landscapes. The glory of the Rocky mountains. The Alberta wild roses-so pink were everywhere. Loved my pictures of them.

I wanted to visit Drumheller but he didn’t. So we didn’t. He usually won when it came to couple’s decisions. Just old bones and fossils he said.

Looking back there were too many things that I did not do.

Like going back to get my Masters. He said you have the kids and my paycheck why do you want more.

Like going to Australia for a visit. Too far. Too many hours he said.

Buying a new car. Well it had to be one he liked. And I could not have the colour I wanted. Maybe my favourite colour-purple or light blue.  It had to be black. I hate black.

Grief is not always sad. Sometimes it is the regrets of a life unlived. Of not just compromise but just not having any wishes fulfilled.

Oh that trip west. It was when he first suspected something may be wrong. The stomach cramps began. He thought it was the food we were eating at family’s house.

He said his bowel movements looked different.

Trip to the doctor, the diagnosis, the treatment, then no more treatment. Then he died. It all happened within 8 months. But the time sped up and it seemed much shorter. I was there. I was the dutiful wife. Gave support to his family. They sure as hell did not give me support.

Now those wishes. They do not seem important anymore.

Or do they?

Do I want to go back to Alberta to see the bones? Would I consider Australia?

There are funds. Not rich but some money to go somewhere.

Would I go to Australia with the long flights? It occurred to me that I do a lot of nothing. Oh yeah I am busy with the busy things in life. But boring things. So a long flight could it be eventful? Then seeing that part of the world. It would have to be at least a couple of weeks due to the long flight and adjusting to the time change. So it is a yes. A resounding yes.

More education. What do I need with another degree at 61 years old? But then what am I doing with all the reading and wasting time on the computer. York University has adult learning courses. Online courses could be another option! Check it out. Another resounding Yes.

So Alberta is closer than Australia. So why not go for a short trip to test out travelling alone. Another resounding Yes. And to see the bones and fossils. And take some amazing photos of everything Albertan.

Do I want to be on my death bed and regret I did not fulfill some wishes?

Are there more short goals that I sacrificed to appease him? I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to do that. His voice and words came back to me. Putting down so many suggestions. It became pathetic for me to think I did not do so many simple things.

Like the Helen Redding song I am woman I am strong! So why the hell do I not do the strong things in life. Why do I still feel I should stop myself from doing the simple things.

Well it has been 6 months. Is it too soon to act like an independent woman that I am? Am I supposed to be the grief stricken widow for the rest of my life to appease some social norm? Will his family think I am moving on too fast?

Do I give a flying fuck what they think? I think not.

Time to check the flights to Alberta. Maybe the next red eye could have me on it.

 

Barbara Di Mambro

January 27 2023

So what do you think? I will be posting more stories over the next week. Just cleaning up that pile of writing.

#widowseries#aplaneinthesky#writingfictionalstories#reflectivethoughtsbybarbara#barbaradimambro