THE WIDOW SERIES- HER FIRST RIVER CRUISE

THE WIDOW SERIES-Her first River Cruise

The luggage cart was by the boat. Watching to make sure her luggage was there. Yes I see it. The purple one.

Carol was a little excited. Her cruise had finally come to be. On her bucket list for years.

Now that James had passed away she could do trips again. Travelling alone would be a new learning curve.

It had been a rough 3 and a half years. Caring for a loved one is one of life’s honourable journeys. But exhausting.

Putting other things in life on hold as care was the priority.

Listening to everyone’s stories of trips and beach holidays on Facebook. Trying to be a good sport about it all.

Where did you go this summer Carol? Well nowhere, I had to be available to wipe my husband’s ass!!

No road trips that had been fun. We loved those 2 days trips that eventually reduced to one day.

So finding my cabin. Okay. Like a cruise cabin. Smaller than it looks in the flyers.

Now to find her dinner table. Crap. 3 married couples and me.

Great.

I know how wives are. There will be that terse moment. Knowing there is a free woman at the table. Holding on to their husbands with two hands.

I will stay the one dinner then approach the crew to move me somewhere else.

Is there a lone table in the corner?

I did not come on the cruise to make friends. But the table assignments do not consider what a person has dealt with in their life.

I am not here to apologize for not having a partner attached to my hip.

I am not interested in meeting other married couples or single men or single women. If a cruise acquaintanceship evolves, fine for the 10 days. If not, my pictures, my journal and sending posts back to my daughter to put them on my blog.

I will sign up for tours and events but not drinking parties with married people or single men.

I did not come on the cruise to get laid.

I really want to see parts of Germany and the tulips in the Netherlands and Switzerland. Ending up in Hungary. I just want to snap as many pictures as possible.

I want to drink wine. I want to eat good food.

Hello, I am Carol. Yeah the looks begin. I know I am not really welcome at the table.

Oh I see you are three friends of married couples. Don’t worry I am not here to hit on your husbands and I have already asked to be moved.

I would like to say James would have loved to be here. But I am lying. He would hate the boat. He did not likes castles and museums. He would be glad I am striking something off my bucket list. And without him. If he had not been sick so soon after my retirement, I would have done it alone sooner.

I do miss him. So I will snap lots of pictures to show him when I get home. Even though he is not there.

My room is big enough but I noticed they put me at the end of the hall beside the engine room. The single woman would not complain as a married couple might. Almost be glad we let you be here. I know I could have taken one of those singles only cruises but I wanted to be around a variety of people- old, young and in between.

I hear the dance music. I will find a quiet spot on deck away from the dancing. I can hear the music but do not need to see the couples laughing and having fun dancing. It is one thing I have missed so much. The dancing. James and I loved to dance. We took dance lessons in our 20s so we would have the moves to use on the dance floor. Besides James had been self-conscious and would not try new things unless he felt confident. So the dance lessons gave us that confidence on the dance floor. Besides most couples just kinda of jump around and do not have any real dance skills. So it was not hard to enjoy dancing as we went around and around the dance floor as most couples just stayed in one spot-jumping.

So not to feel like the ugly duckling in High School that did not get asked to dance, I will not put myself in that position. But I love to hear the music. I do not care to watch others dancing.

Just the opportunity to see the shoreline and witness a small part of each country. The evening should be pretty with the lights of houses and other places on the shore.

Even listening to another language spoken is learning.

I thought about bringing books to read but no I would rather take notes and experience the atmosphere around me. If buried in a book or my cell phone, I could miss things. Besides I love to people watch and it is much easier now as so many people have their heads buried in their phones. I guess it is better than being buried in their ass.

I need to move from these negative thoughts as I did not come on this cruise to bitch or feel sorry for myself. But grief has a funny way of catching up with a person.

For me it is the angry thoughts. Yes most couples will eventually lose a partner but to do it so young felt hard. Okay 68 is not young  but I was hoping we would age together.

I was hoping for a trip or two in retirement. It did not happen.

Unpacking my stuff for the duration, to bed.

………………………………………..

Oh my, I really slept but it is 530 am and I hear the morning sounds of cruise activity so get washed and dressed.

On today’s agenda, a castle tour ending in lunch and wine at      restaurant. Well time to think about living!

February 9, 2021

Copyright- Barbara Di Mambro

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