SOME PEOPLE ARE TOXIC SO CHRISTMAS BRINGS CHALLENGES

We all have situations in our lives where there can be no relationship. With billions of people on this earth it is okay to pick and chose which people will be our friends and those to whom we are polite. Families can make it very difficult. Some siblings do not get along and never will. When parents are alive children often try, but once parents pass away, many siblings make the choice to go their separate ways. It is the civilized thing to do. But there can be those in the family system that like the drama and expect all parties to attend all events together. Forget it. If the relationship is toxic then stay away from each other. Then the in law situation. No blood, just married in! No real commitment to the original family. To try to make family traditions continue that no longer have any meaning is rather futile. Couples and their children make the new family unit. Decisions can be made for them. The extended family works around each couple. With my work in family history, it is often interesting to see how history does repeat itself. Each generation may have had some family members that were toxic and affected how events happened. For me, I would rather have happier smaller gatherings where people sort of enjoy being with each other, then contrived "we must be together for the sake of Mom" events. It does not work. Perhaps a simple meal at a restaurant rather than a big event at one person's house who takes on all the work, could be a compromise. Christmas is a huge event where these old conflicts often start to present the ongoing family conflicts. Smaller events on the days in and around Christmas may work so everyone sees everyone but not at the same time or the same event. Get real. Be honest. If you do not like each other then stay away. A friendly Christmas card to all family members should be more than enough. Even to the toxic people in your life!