WIDOW SERIES- I CAN DO IT ALL EVEN IF I DON'T WANT TO

 

Sometimes story ideas do come to me on my walks.

WIDOW SERIES

I CAN DO IT ALL EVEN IF I DON’T WANT TO

Veronica sat down at the computer to write a journal entry.

It is always funny the thoughts that enter your head while walking. I read recently from a widow’s perspective how everyone thought how well she was doing.

She was managing everything herself.

Rally she thought. I used to have my husband doing his share of our partnership. So now I get to do everything.

Pump my own gas.

Take out the trash.

Arrange and engage with the plumber or electrician or carpenter or what needs to be done.

Talk to the mechanic at the garage for the regular car maintenance.

The garden. The lawn. Yup all mine.

And. Snow in the winter. All mine to shove, salt and figure out.

We shared the garden. We worked on it together. Often having a coffee or tea and joking around. Alone really sucks. It is just work. Boring work now.

And the couple functions. Well, I really don’t get invited much. If I were a guy, I know I would get invited. The other women would want to set me up. A guy needs a woman to take care of him. A widow, well, she can cook, clean and grocery shop. No need for a man. But a guy needs that feminine touch. Or does he. He could do the same things as it really is not women’s work.

No one figures the lonely concept. The lack of company. Someone to talk with about everything and mothering. To argue. To laugh. To debate. To talk softly or romantically. To share those sweet sexual innuendos that occur between a couple. The body language that only the two of us would understand.

So, sitting alone and away from couples suits me best. I have no desire to want someone else’s old husband. I also notice how bitchy old men can be.

And old men honestly think younger women really want them.

The disparaging remarks made about older women even by younger ones not just men.

It is almost the older widow deserves to have to everything herself. She was taken care of.

Even if she had a full-time job outside the home and a second job of duties in the home and parenting childcare activities.

Always a stupid patriarchal assumption most women are taken care of or need to be.

Or an assumption if you have family, it is okay to be husbandless.

One friend had said that. No sorry for the loss of our husband. You have your grandchildren. As if a grandchild replaces a spouse. Another friend told me of someone she knew was relieved when her spouse died because she could travel again. She felt hard don by because she couldn’t travel while he was dying. Imagine anyone thinking my main concern when my spouse was dying was being unable to travel.  A little selfish in my opinion.

Loving and being with someone at the end of their life. Also read that the last person before your loved one died was you.

So being there, the last person he saw and heard and loved meant something to him. Not alone. But loved until the end. He got to share his last breath with me.

So, the photos that bring the memories.

The amazing vegetable garden that is now overgrown oregano and other vegetation. Not noxious weeds but bushes and perennials and plants. The bees and birds love the jungle it has become. It is something missed. I didn’t replace doing it but have pots of plants on the back porch with some tomato, parsley, beans and rosemary plants.

So back to the loneliness. Someone who knew me like no one else could. Heard me. Cared about me. Loved me like no on else.

History together of decades shared. No need to explain myself or history. It was understood that he knew me.

My likes. My dislikes. Didn’t care about my flaws. And I was used to his flaws. After years of marriage, they don’t matter anymore.

Just glad to be together. To have each other.

July 30, 2026

Veronica was happy with her entry. It helped her through the hard day she was having.

Journaling had become her refuge. Now she could chcck the local movie listings and buy a ticket.

For her it was a safe to be with other people without having to engage with anyone.

Oh the joys of widowhood.

Copyright

August 2, 2026

Barbara Di Mambro

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