CARING FOR MY LOVED ONE WAS A GREAT PURPOSE OF LIFE-BUT QUESTIONED BY OTHERS HAS BEEN CONFUSING

 "Well you are just a caregiver!" was a comment made to me when I was asked in my early days of retirement.

I was being with him, caring for him and just loving him. My husband Adolph was ill and needed love and support.

It was such purpose in my life. More purpose than any job, current activity or hobbies.

Yet when I still say that about the time I spent in the last years of his life, I get questioned or reminded well not everyone feels that way.

Even recently during Caregiver Awareness day or month or whatever it was, the stress of being a caregiver was emphasized. There was no acknowledgement that for many people it is so loving and purposeful.

Words like burden.

Not having a life.

Missing out.

Costing financially.

Rarely is it said that the person caring does it out of love not duty.

Yes there may be some who do it out of duty.

There may be many people who resent the care needed. There may be many people who not only are relieved when the person dies and perhaps glad.

I have a friend who knew a wife who had to help with her husband's cancer. She resented not being able to travel. So when her husband died she was glad she could travel again. She felt she had missed out on travel. I looked at my friend and did not comment. Being with Adolph was not missing out on travel, he was my life at the time. I could not care less about travel at that time.

I still feel like a boat without a rudder. Yes I have family and activities and go to events and read and write and do whatever the hell I was. But does it give the purpose I felt when I could have my husband with me and being, caring, loving him. The relationship gone. 

So again recently when I had met up with an old workmate and was trying to explain the purpose of being there for a loved one. The answer was not everyone feels that way. And the look in her eyes of disdain like it did not mean much.

So do you care and love someone who needs you? Does it give you purpose?

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